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Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Posted by Rebecca on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006773)

Well, here I am again to moan and bitch a bit. I am sure some of you can understand some of what I'm saying. I look at people in real life and (get this) even actors in films running and jumping etc. I turned green with envy when watching 'Matrix.' Not because of the rope and pulley enhanced stunts but because they could run!!!!! I wish I could again! I wish I could. I can't exercise much because of PF, can't even swim because my facial skin won't let me. And now here's the fun thing, you see, i haven't gone to a Dr. for a while (wanted to change my Dr.) because of $$$$ problems. We are a little tight on money right now (most of you can understand). My insurance sucks!!! They pay nothing!!!! Probably wouldn't even cover surgery let alone orthotics etc. Could i rustle up a few hundred $$$ for orthotics? Probably.
But see, here's my other problem... I am also in need of fertility tx. And my time is running out. My biological time. And my insurance is happy to cover diagnostic procedures to diagnose infertility but the moment you ask them to pay for tx its all of a sudden no longer a disease. Odd, huh? So, my dilema...Do i spend whatever we can scrape together on orthotics etc on my feet which may or may not help? Or do i spend those $$$ on fertility tx which may or may not help? A cycle's tx can cost as upto $3000 a cycle and that's not even IVF!!!

Now, please don't make quips such as referrences to the sept-and octuplets! And also, nothing about 'yeah, you people waited too long because of your careers so now you pay the price' I have been trying to conceive ever since i married at 24. There is a LOT of a lack of understanding about Fertility treatments and Infertility as a Disability and if you don't understand or have questions please ask me before making uninformed remarks. And nope, thanks for the advise but 'just relaxing' isn't going to help, nor is 'take a vacation and you'll get pg' or 'adopt and you'll get pg.' Imagine telling a kid, 'Mommy adopted ya cos she wanted to get pregnant'. Not good, huh? (Sorry, i am bit antsy after hearing all this crap for years!!!)

I don't know if anyone here can understand. There is the desire to walk and run again normally and the need to be a mother. You say, the pain in my feet is with me every day, every step? Yes it is. My pain of being barren is too. Wherever i go are women and fathers with babies and toddlers. Women with gravid bodies splayleggedly waddling around until they, blessed as they are, give birth. Whenever i turn on the tv, talk to friends, etc it's a reminder that my body refuses to do what a teenagers seems to do just fine. Tellingly most of my friends are not mothers. I've noticed that all conversations with mothers come back to their kids of P&L&D (Pregnancy, Labor, Delivery) stories, and I have nothing to contribute. I don't blame them for that, i'd be the same i'm sure!

I don't know what to do???

So today I am frustrated as hell and felt i need to vent, vent, vent.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate it very much!

Rebecca


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Brenda on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006779)

Rebecca, I can understand your frustrations of wanting a baby and unable to conceive. I too tried for 15 years - had two miscarriages and two ectopic (tubal) pregnancies (last one at 42). Because of my age, tilted uterus, blocked tube, I was not considered a candidate for IVF. My husband didn't feel comfortable with adoption, although I would jumped for absolute joy to have adopted a child. I know exactly what you mean about seeing babies and pg women everywhere you go - tv, movies, shopping, work! The folks in my office have(in the past 3 years)produced 18 babies - imagine how I feel everytime a pregnancy is announced and a newborn is brought in for admiring. Of course, the stories about 'Little Suzie' and 'Little Tommy' only add insult to injury. Even my sisters (4) have children (8 between them) and I am so envious and would love to have had the opportunity for a child. But enough of my whining!

I also understand your frustration with pf. Up until December last, I was a fitness walker. No matter what the weather (snow, rain, cold, hot) I was out there 4-5 days weekly doing at least 5 miles each day. Now I'm doing good to walk from room to room at my house. I can't wear pretty shoes (of which I have about 100 pairs), am self conscious about my limping, the taping of my foot, and having to use the pf as a reason for not doing things I really love. My shopping adventures have been cut to almost 0! I am now seeing a chiropractor for ultra sound and acupuncture. I've had the cortizone shots, inserts, orthodics, etc. and still continue to have pain. Some nights I can't even stand to have the sheet touch my heel.

I don't know what choice I would make between infertility tx and pf. 10 years ago, I would have opted for infertility tx (and I spent $$$ on tx) - but that was before pf. You must realize that pf will interfer with pregnancy (the extra weight only aggrevates the condition) and then being a mom is hard enough without your feet hurting. I wish you all the best as you go forward with your decision.

I don't understand why insurance will pay for the infertility tx and not orthodics! I also don't understand why I tried for 15 years to have a baby and the teenager down the street get pregnant the first time! I also don't understand how one of my sisters had 6 pregnancies - has 4 children and 2 abortions (those abortions nearly ruined our relationship and I'm don't think I've ever forgiven her!)!

Well, I've gone on for a while and really need to get to work. Thanks for listening!
B


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Letty on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006788)

Hi Brenda: I am 58 now but my husband and I went through fertility test in my early 30's as we couldn't conceive. I know all the feelings you are having about being on the outside looking in on folks with children. I hated going to parties when we didn't have a child because the Mom's would talk children for hours and I felt very out of place. One time after an hour of baby talk, one Mom turned to me and asked 'what do you do with your time.' I became very defensive and felt my life wasn't important without kids.

Eventually we were successful and I have a fine 25 yr. old son who has been a joy. Have the fertility work done as this is your only chance to have a child. You will either learn to live with the PF or it will go away on its own. Hope this helps.
Letty


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Rebecca on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006789)

I am not sure whether you wrote to me or Brenda but your words helped me all the same! Thank you!!!

If you don't mind my asking how long did you battle infertility? I've been doing it now over 5 years.

Rebecca


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

CrabbyAss2 on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006791)

Rebecca, Since no dr.'s seem to have any specific tx.'s for PF, and it doesn't look like they will any time soon, follow your heart and go ahead with the fertility tx's. Marie

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Trish on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006795)

Wow, your situation sounds tough. Accept my sympathies. Just wanted to share a thought with you...IF you do become pg, breastfeed your baby, not only for the millions of reasons it's good for baby, but it's good for PF. I first got PF 7 yrs. ago when I was 6 mos. pg. and one of the only breaks I had from it was the first month after my son was born. I am sure that the main reason was that I spent lots of time laying down or sitting nursing him. Unfortunatly the pain returned soon after, when I took him out for walks,etc. I feel extremely sad that my son has never known his Mom as the active person I used to be. I DRIVE him to the schoolbus 1 block away. Makes me sick to think he's learning those kind of habits, but as you understand I have to save my feet for other things. He does participate in soccer, hockey, swimming, rollerblading, etc. but I wish I could do more with him. Don't misunderstand me, though, I thank God every day that I have him, and apreciate the experience as much as I can. I would never say don't try to get pg because of your sore feet. It's still worth it without a doubt. Good luck. I'll be thinking and praying for you!

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Hank on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006802)

Rebecca,
I'm a guy and obviously can't get pregnant but went through the same
fertility procedures you have or will be going through. They didn't
work. That's okay, however, because we were able to adopt a little
baby boy. He's now 8 and I couldn't have a better son. I've been
blessed beyond belief. I'm now a single parent (not by choice) and
have pf (absolutely not by choice) but still consider myself so fortunate to have such a great child. If you do end up going the
adoption route take heart... Good luck.
best regards, Hank

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Carol E. on 5/13/99 at 00:00 (006820)

My advise is to go for the baby, Rebecca. As miserable as PF is---at least it is not fatal (although sometimes we might wish it were, ha,ha!!!) The joy that little baby will bring into your life will be worth it. And the love that you can give that child will more than make up for your inability to do everything you'd like to with him/her. There are thousands of people (even paraplegics) who are very good parents. I'm sure that they would all rather be running and playing with their children but I'll bet that it bothers THEM more than it does the kids. Children are very loving and accepting.

I agree with CrabbyAss2, it appears to me that very few of the people on this board have actually been helped by their doctors. I also am struggling with financial concerns right now and there are other priorities that need attention besides spending thousands of dollars on doctor after doctor, and treatment after treatment. I don't need to spend $350 to have a doctor tell me that I have a heel spur and there really isn't anything he can do about it. And as far as I'm concerned, cortisone shots and surgery are totally out of the question for me. If people have the money to try these things, that is great, but I think you can still do a tremendous amount of good with inexpensive self treatment if the money just isn't there.

I recommend that you read Scott's information pages on this site and take the time to read all of the past posts. Try the stretching exercises, especially before getting out of bed in the morning--then step right into a shoe that has a good arch support--don't go barefoot. Some people have worn expensive night splints (so that the fascia repairs during the night in a flexed position instead of a contracted position which retears when you step down on it). Most can't sleep in them. I think the Strassburg Sock works pretty good and it only costs about $30. The flexion is adjustable. Personally, I spent ten bucks on a little white canvas lace-up ankle support which I wore to bed for about three weeks--after which I found that just stretching and rotating my foot around before getting out of bed was enough to prevent pain in the morning. Then I wore a Futuro elastic ankle support all day and sometimes at night to support my aching arch. Soon, I no longer needed it. Stay off your feet as much as possible. This is VERY important. Try to lose some weight--this helps some and not others but I read somewhere that there is 10X your bodyweight of pressure on your plantar fascia every time you step down on that foot. Less weight has GOT to take some of the pressure off even if not cure it. Try icing it. Massage it by rolling your arch over a tennis ball while you are working on the computer or whatever. Experiment with different over the counter shoe inserts and insoles with GOOD arch supports. Some people get more relief with hard inserts and some do better with softer cushioned inserts. Sure, you will waste a bit of money with trial and error but certainly not $400 a whack as with custom orthotics. Take lots of Vit C--this rebuilds the tendons.

This site is a goldmine of information. Try everything you can and you will find something that helps you to manage the pain. I know that there are some people on this board that just cannot find the answer no matter what they try and I have such a tremendous amount of empathy for them but I HAVE to believe that for most of us out there, there is hope, and that we just don't ever hear again from all of the people with success stories. I feel like I am on the road to recovery. Most days are pretty good if I don't overdo it (maybe an 8 on a scale from 1-10). Every once in a while I have a bit of a relapse but most days are good and I can forget for a while that I even have this condition. There is hope. Good luck--and good luck with the fertility treatments.


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Letty on 5/13/99 at 00:00 (006821)

We tried for 3 years, Rebecca and it was very tough on our marriage. Also, we had my husband's mother and grandfather living with us while we were trying. But it was all worth it to have such a great son! BTW the message was meant for you. Bye.

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Dana on 5/13/99 at 00:00 (006836)

Maybe I don't know where your coming from because my PF I think isn't that bad. I seem to be able to handle it with the right shoes. Don't get me wrong, it hurts like hell and I hate it, but it seems under control. I do feel like I need to answer your post though because #1 have PF, #2 have gone through infertility treetments and #3 have a biological child and a adopted child. First I have to say there is no greater love then that of a child. I also have to tell you I love my son (adopted) as much as I love his sister (bio.). I was in the delivery roon when my son was born and when his birthmom put him in my arms and said 'here is your son' I fell in love with him with my whole heart and soul. I always tell my children 'Lauren grew under my heart and Sam grew in my heart'. So what do you do? You look in your heart and ask yourself what do you really want first. If it is a child then you ask yourself what's more important being a mother or having the childbirth experience. It is wonderful carrying a child in you and if you find you can't you must give yourself time to grieve that before you turn to adoption. Remember adoption should never be looked at as second best only a second choice. I wish you luck in whatever you decide and in the mean time (as my Dr. says) stretch, stretch, stretch!!!

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

maureen on 5/16/99 at 00:00 (006907)

Rebecca, I just heard some information about using acupuncture to increase fertility. I know that someone in the Pacific Northwest is doing this, but I can't remember the details. Bastyr College in Seattle would probably know more about it if you are interested. It could be substantially less expensive that the other treatments. Take acre, and I hpoe you get your hearts desire.

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Brenda on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006779)

Rebecca, I can understand your frustrations of wanting a baby and unable to conceive. I too tried for 15 years - had two miscarriages and two ectopic (tubal) pregnancies (last one at 42). Because of my age, tilted uterus, blocked tube, I was not considered a candidate for IVF. My husband didn't feel comfortable with adoption, although I would jumped for absolute joy to have adopted a child. I know exactly what you mean about seeing babies and pg women everywhere you go - tv, movies, shopping, work! The folks in my office have(in the past 3 years)produced 18 babies - imagine how I feel everytime a pregnancy is announced and a newborn is brought in for admiring. Of course, the stories about 'Little Suzie' and 'Little Tommy' only add insult to injury. Even my sisters (4) have children (8 between them) and I am so envious and would love to have had the opportunity for a child. But enough of my whining!

I also understand your frustration with pf. Up until December last, I was a fitness walker. No matter what the weather (snow, rain, cold, hot) I was out there 4-5 days weekly doing at least 5 miles each day. Now I'm doing good to walk from room to room at my house. I can't wear pretty shoes (of which I have about 100 pairs), am self conscious about my limping, the taping of my foot, and having to use the pf as a reason for not doing things I really love. My shopping adventures have been cut to almost 0! I am now seeing a chiropractor for ultra sound and acupuncture. I've had the cortizone shots, inserts, orthodics, etc. and still continue to have pain. Some nights I can't even stand to have the sheet touch my heel.

I don't know what choice I would make between infertility tx and pf. 10 years ago, I would have opted for infertility tx (and I spent $$$ on tx) - but that was before pf. You must realize that pf will interfer with pregnancy (the extra weight only aggrevates the condition) and then being a mom is hard enough without your feet hurting. I wish you all the best as you go forward with your decision.

I don't understand why insurance will pay for the infertility tx and not orthodics! I also don't understand why I tried for 15 years to have a baby and the teenager down the street get pregnant the first time! I also don't understand how one of my sisters had 6 pregnancies - has 4 children and 2 abortions (those abortions nearly ruined our relationship and I'm don't think I've ever forgiven her!)!

Well, I've gone on for a while and really need to get to work. Thanks for listening!
B


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Letty on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006788)

Hi Brenda: I am 58 now but my husband and I went through fertility test in my early 30's as we couldn't conceive. I know all the feelings you are having about being on the outside looking in on folks with children. I hated going to parties when we didn't have a child because the Mom's would talk children for hours and I felt very out of place. One time after an hour of baby talk, one Mom turned to me and asked 'what do you do with your time.' I became very defensive and felt my life wasn't important without kids.

Eventually we were successful and I have a fine 25 yr. old son who has been a joy. Have the fertility work done as this is your only chance to have a child. You will either learn to live with the PF or it will go away on its own. Hope this helps.
Letty


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Rebecca on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006789)

I am not sure whether you wrote to me or Brenda but your words helped me all the same! Thank you!!!

If you don't mind my asking how long did you battle infertility? I've been doing it now over 5 years.

Rebecca


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

CrabbyAss2 on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006791)

Rebecca, Since no dr.'s seem to have any specific tx.'s for PF, and it doesn't look like they will any time soon, follow your heart and go ahead with the fertility tx's. Marie

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Trish on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006795)

Wow, your situation sounds tough. Accept my sympathies. Just wanted to share a thought with you...IF you do become pg, breastfeed your baby, not only for the millions of reasons it's good for baby, but it's good for PF. I first got PF 7 yrs. ago when I was 6 mos. pg. and one of the only breaks I had from it was the first month after my son was born. I am sure that the main reason was that I spent lots of time laying down or sitting nursing him. Unfortunatly the pain returned soon after, when I took him out for walks,etc. I feel extremely sad that my son has never known his Mom as the active person I used to be. I DRIVE him to the schoolbus 1 block away. Makes me sick to think he's learning those kind of habits, but as you understand I have to save my feet for other things. He does participate in soccer, hockey, swimming, rollerblading, etc. but I wish I could do more with him. Don't misunderstand me, though, I thank God every day that I have him, and apreciate the experience as much as I can. I would never say don't try to get pg because of your sore feet. It's still worth it without a doubt. Good luck. I'll be thinking and praying for you!

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Hank on 5/12/99 at 00:00 (006802)

Rebecca,
I'm a guy and obviously can't get pregnant but went through the same
fertility procedures you have or will be going through. They didn't
work. That's okay, however, because we were able to adopt a little
baby boy. He's now 8 and I couldn't have a better son. I've been
blessed beyond belief. I'm now a single parent (not by choice) and
have pf (absolutely not by choice) but still consider myself so fortunate to have such a great child. If you do end up going the
adoption route take heart... Good luck.
best regards, Hank

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Carol E. on 5/13/99 at 00:00 (006820)

My advise is to go for the baby, Rebecca. As miserable as PF is---at least it is not fatal (although sometimes we might wish it were, ha,ha!!!) The joy that little baby will bring into your life will be worth it. And the love that you can give that child will more than make up for your inability to do everything you'd like to with him/her. There are thousands of people (even paraplegics) who are very good parents. I'm sure that they would all rather be running and playing with their children but I'll bet that it bothers THEM more than it does the kids. Children are very loving and accepting.

I agree with CrabbyAss2, it appears to me that very few of the people on this board have actually been helped by their doctors. I also am struggling with financial concerns right now and there are other priorities that need attention besides spending thousands of dollars on doctor after doctor, and treatment after treatment. I don't need to spend $350 to have a doctor tell me that I have a heel spur and there really isn't anything he can do about it. And as far as I'm concerned, cortisone shots and surgery are totally out of the question for me. If people have the money to try these things, that is great, but I think you can still do a tremendous amount of good with inexpensive self treatment if the money just isn't there.

I recommend that you read Scott's information pages on this site and take the time to read all of the past posts. Try the stretching exercises, especially before getting out of bed in the morning--then step right into a shoe that has a good arch support--don't go barefoot. Some people have worn expensive night splints (so that the fascia repairs during the night in a flexed position instead of a contracted position which retears when you step down on it). Most can't sleep in them. I think the Strassburg Sock works pretty good and it only costs about $30. The flexion is adjustable. Personally, I spent ten bucks on a little white canvas lace-up ankle support which I wore to bed for about three weeks--after which I found that just stretching and rotating my foot around before getting out of bed was enough to prevent pain in the morning. Then I wore a Futuro elastic ankle support all day and sometimes at night to support my aching arch. Soon, I no longer needed it. Stay off your feet as much as possible. This is VERY important. Try to lose some weight--this helps some and not others but I read somewhere that there is 10X your bodyweight of pressure on your plantar fascia every time you step down on that foot. Less weight has GOT to take some of the pressure off even if not cure it. Try icing it. Massage it by rolling your arch over a tennis ball while you are working on the computer or whatever. Experiment with different over the counter shoe inserts and insoles with GOOD arch supports. Some people get more relief with hard inserts and some do better with softer cushioned inserts. Sure, you will waste a bit of money with trial and error but certainly not $400 a whack as with custom orthotics. Take lots of Vit C--this rebuilds the tendons.

This site is a goldmine of information. Try everything you can and you will find something that helps you to manage the pain. I know that there are some people on this board that just cannot find the answer no matter what they try and I have such a tremendous amount of empathy for them but I HAVE to believe that for most of us out there, there is hope, and that we just don't ever hear again from all of the people with success stories. I feel like I am on the road to recovery. Most days are pretty good if I don't overdo it (maybe an 8 on a scale from 1-10). Every once in a while I have a bit of a relapse but most days are good and I can forget for a while that I even have this condition. There is hope. Good luck--and good luck with the fertility treatments.


Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Letty on 5/13/99 at 00:00 (006821)

We tried for 3 years, Rebecca and it was very tough on our marriage. Also, we had my husband's mother and grandfather living with us while we were trying. But it was all worth it to have such a great son! BTW the message was meant for you. Bye.

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

Dana on 5/13/99 at 00:00 (006836)

Maybe I don't know where your coming from because my PF I think isn't that bad. I seem to be able to handle it with the right shoes. Don't get me wrong, it hurts like hell and I hate it, but it seems under control. I do feel like I need to answer your post though because #1 have PF, #2 have gone through infertility treetments and #3 have a biological child and a adopted child. First I have to say there is no greater love then that of a child. I also have to tell you I love my son (adopted) as much as I love his sister (bio.). I was in the delivery roon when my son was born and when his birthmom put him in my arms and said 'here is your son' I fell in love with him with my whole heart and soul. I always tell my children 'Lauren grew under my heart and Sam grew in my heart'. So what do you do? You look in your heart and ask yourself what do you really want first. If it is a child then you ask yourself what's more important being a mother or having the childbirth experience. It is wonderful carrying a child in you and if you find you can't you must give yourself time to grieve that before you turn to adoption. Remember adoption should never be looked at as second best only a second choice. I wish you luck in whatever you decide and in the mean time (as my Dr. says) stretch, stretch, stretch!!!

Re: Frustrated. Tough Choices. (Venting big-time)

maureen on 5/16/99 at 00:00 (006907)

Rebecca, I just heard some information about using acupuncture to increase fertility. I know that someone in the Pacific Northwest is doing this, but I can't remember the details. Bastyr College in Seattle would probably know more about it if you are interested. It could be substantially less expensive that the other treatments. Take acre, and I hpoe you get your hearts desire.