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Warning, controversial

Posted by Dayna on 5/13/99 at 00:00 (006825)

I don't understand, you're pro-choice but not as a means of birth control? I know there are other means of birth control, but none are 100%. I have a problem with people who don't take precautions if they don't want children, but the only 100% sure way to not get pregnant is to never let your parts get within a foot of anyone elses. That's a lousy way to live, being married but unable to ever have sex because if your oh-so-carefully practiced birth control fails you're trapped. That's what life was like before abortion became legal, and I'll never accept going back to that. To be forced to have babies just because we can is wrong. To be forced to have children we can't afford to care for is wrong.

Your previous posts in this thread sound like any woman who isn't thrilled to flipping death to be pregnant needs her head examined. Sorry, I can't agree, we're not all cut out to be mothers. My husband's parents should never have had children, I'm glad they did so that my husband exists, but it should never have been allowed, they were horrible parents. Adoption isn't always the answer either, because from the sounds of it you would do anything to have a child so how can you expect someone else to go through pregnancy, labor and delivery and then just give the child away.

If you want a child so much, why not adopt a child who needs parents and give that child your love. Blood doesn't make families, love does. I don't mean to be cruel or thoughtless but undoubtedly that's the way it seems, for that I'm truly sorry. I don't have a keep-me-up-all-night-crying aching need to give birth, I can't bear children, my husband knew that before we married, end of discussion, our genes end with us, accept it and move on. I don't know what it's like to want so badly that experience of bearing children, but I don't begrudge other women that ability, seeing pregnant women and babies doesn't tear my heart out as it seems it does yours.

I do have problems with women who are pregnant and smoke, drink, use drugs, etc. If they want children, they have an obligation to do everything they possibly can to make sure they develop, are born, and grow up with every possible advantage their parents can give them (I mean love, security, food, education, health, happiness; not private telephones, sportscars, material stuff, etc.). Men don't get off scot-free, I have problems with men who smoke, drink, use drugs if they are engaging in sex since they can pass on problems through their 'contribution'. I don't think anyone should smoke at all, but that's my opinion and if I don't want to be around smoke I can leave, it's not my place to impose my beliefs on others, but expecially no one should smoke around a pregnant woman if there's no way she can escape it (keep your butts out of her house). I just don't see that if a woman doesn't want to have children, that she should be forced to just because her diaphragm slipped, the condom broke or whatever.


Re: Warning, controversial, a reply to your post Dayna

Rebecca on 5/14/99 at 00:00 (006843)

First of all, I reiterate that I don't believe abortion should be used as birthcontrol. I understand oopses as well as you, i am not an idiot, and don't count those. What i count is people who have sex without protection and then have a 'by'product' or 'side-effect' called pregnancy. And there are women who do this again and again and again.

Next...find me ONE sentence or paragraph where i suggest in any way that any women not interested in having children needs her head examined. I challenge you. Let's see if you are up to it.

If you feel you are not cut out to be a mother... fine. Just because you have people in your family who should not have had children doesn't mean I am not entitled to struggle and fight with my body to have them. EVery family has someone or the other who shoudln't have had kids, so what?

Excuse me? You need to elaborate on your last sentence of paragraph 2. I didn't quite get your drift. I don't EXPECT anyone to go through pregnancy for me, if i did, i'd get a surrogate.

Why don't i adopt? Because my husband isn't ready for it, because i too want to try a little more. And since i am paying for it you cannot throw insurance crap at me either. I cannot force him to adopt a child when he feels he isn't ready or capable yet to give his love to a child that's not his.

I understand love makes a family more than blood. That doesn't mean I am not entitled to try all I can to have a child of my own, through my own body. I am more interested in being a parent than a bio mother but pregnancy is something i hope to experience.

It seems as though you can't have kids. You accept it. That's fine for you. That doesn't mean you have the liberty to try and impose your opinions on me. I never felt everyone needs to have kids because i want them. Again, i reiterate, find me something i wrote than suggests that i feel that way.

Where did i write that i begrudge other women the ability to bear children? Just because it makes me sad to be constantly reminded of what i'm missing, being pregnant, giving birth and being a mom, doesn't mean i begrudge other women that ability. Find me ONE sentence or paragraph where I said or suggested I do.


Re: Warning, controversial, a reply to your post Dayna

Brenda on 5/14/99 at 00:00 (006846)

BRAVO, Rebecca. You go girl!!

Re: Warning, controversial, a reply to your post Dayna

Trish on 5/14/99 at 00:00 (006849)

Ditto, Brenda! You are in my thoughts, Rebecca. Good luck!!!! Hang in there.

Re: Warning, controversial, a reply to your post Dayna

Rebecca on 5/14/99 at 00:00 (006843)

First of all, I reiterate that I don't believe abortion should be used as birthcontrol. I understand oopses as well as you, i am not an idiot, and don't count those. What i count is people who have sex without protection and then have a 'by'product' or 'side-effect' called pregnancy. And there are women who do this again and again and again.

Next...find me ONE sentence or paragraph where i suggest in any way that any women not interested in having children needs her head examined. I challenge you. Let's see if you are up to it.

If you feel you are not cut out to be a mother... fine. Just because you have people in your family who should not have had children doesn't mean I am not entitled to struggle and fight with my body to have them. EVery family has someone or the other who shoudln't have had kids, so what?

Excuse me? You need to elaborate on your last sentence of paragraph 2. I didn't quite get your drift. I don't EXPECT anyone to go through pregnancy for me, if i did, i'd get a surrogate.

Why don't i adopt? Because my husband isn't ready for it, because i too want to try a little more. And since i am paying for it you cannot throw insurance crap at me either. I cannot force him to adopt a child when he feels he isn't ready or capable yet to give his love to a child that's not his.

I understand love makes a family more than blood. That doesn't mean I am not entitled to try all I can to have a child of my own, through my own body. I am more interested in being a parent than a bio mother but pregnancy is something i hope to experience.

It seems as though you can't have kids. You accept it. That's fine for you. That doesn't mean you have the liberty to try and impose your opinions on me. I never felt everyone needs to have kids because i want them. Again, i reiterate, find me something i wrote than suggests that i feel that way.

Where did i write that i begrudge other women the ability to bear children? Just because it makes me sad to be constantly reminded of what i'm missing, being pregnant, giving birth and being a mom, doesn't mean i begrudge other women that ability. Find me ONE sentence or paragraph where I said or suggested I do.


Re: Warning, controversial, a reply to your post Dayna

Brenda on 5/14/99 at 00:00 (006846)

BRAVO, Rebecca. You go girl!!

Re: Warning, controversial, a reply to your post Dayna

Trish on 5/14/99 at 00:00 (006849)

Ditto, Brenda! You are in my thoughts, Rebecca. Good luck!!!! Hang in there.