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Re: adoption

Posted by Sandra Z on 5/13/99 at 00:00 (006828)

My advice--as someone who had an ectopic pregnancy and was told would never have kids--is to spend the money on adoption. I know that's scary, for you worry about where the kid is coming from, and you want the experience of pregnancy and motherhood, and you wonder what kind of kid you would have made. But in my case, the doctor was wrong and I did get pregnant and go through birth, and now that I'm a mom, I realize that those kinds of worries are silly. Birth is an ordeal, not something to beat yourself up about missing. When women talk about it, it's like survivors of a car accident or a war sharing stories....it's damn hard and hurts and can wreck your body! If I had gotten a child without going through that, I would have considered it a great deal!! And now that my sons are older, I really know they didn't come 'from me' or 'from' my husband and that we didn't 'make' them--they are each so different and so wonderfully their own persons, that I realize now you don't know what kind of kid you are going to get whether it's your own biological child or a stranger's. I have several friends who have adopted and they have all the benefits of motherhood, minus the morning sickness and stretch marks, PLUS they have the benefit of giving love to a child who otherwise might not have had any. I know it's easy to give advice and I haven't exactly walked in your shoes, but I wouldn't waste any more time on treatments that might give you cancer later, or wreck your marriage, and might not work, just to maybe someday have the 'experience' of birth. If you want to be a mom, you can be, through adoption. I wish you luck whatever you chose to do!