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the world keeps spinning............

Posted by JudyS on 7/27/00 at 17:17 (024114)

this is a PF-perspective thing and may not even belong here....so forgive me Scott if I'm out of line. In spite of my small, little, narrow world as seen and controlled by my feet, the world keeps spinning.....one of my 19-year-old son's friends committed suicide this week. I'm a sponge - I'm way too good at absorbing other people's (or horses!) pain, then adding a dose of my own. I think 19-year-olds have no skill/experience with which to decide that life is too awful, and, well, he was from a pretty swell home. My son is bewildered, hurt, etc. as we all are. Ryan was a truly delightful guy. Boy my feet feel small right now.

Re: the world keeps spinning............

Steve P on 7/27/00 at 19:31 (024120)

Judy --- This happened in my family 5 years ago. My prayers are with his family. Some day depression disorders will be better understood & -- God willing -- this will be less common.

Re: the world keeps spinning............

Beverly on 7/27/00 at 21:28 (024130)

Judy,

I am so sorry to hear about your son's friend. It must be devistating for him and for you. Words always seem like too little at times like this.

In Sympathy,
Beverly


Re: the world keeps spinning............

Bob G. on 7/28/00 at 00:13 (024135)

I am sorry, Judy, to hear of this tragic loss. It is difficult to understand why, but hopefully, mental illness is receiving more attention and will receive more of the resources that are needed. I, too, have a friend who suffered the loss of his teenage son. And he is active in mental illness causes. It seems those not affected are not aware, and those affected all too aware of what needs to be done. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends in this time of loss. BG

Re: the world keeps spinning............

Suzi D on 7/28/00 at 10:55 (024161)

My sympathies go out to your son and his friends and you and your family. My daughter lost a friend to suicide at the same age four years ago. The young man left no clue as to why and seemed to have everything going for him. I hope time will help to lessen all the hurt.

Re: the world keeps spinning............

Sharie on 7/28/00 at 18:38 (024195)

Judy,

In my work as a crisis interventionist, I share with the survivors and loved ones (when a suicide has occurred) that the person who chooses to take his/her life has usually been in so much emotional pain inside which they rarely share with others, and they carry out the suicide as their decision and their mind is made up looking forward to no longer feeling pain. They do not think about how their act will affect others. Committing suicide is often a planned exit with the feeling others won't miss him/her etc. Often people left behind feel so much guilt for not being able to help in some way. They feel they could have done SOMETHING. Unfortunately the plan and act of taking one's life is solely ones own, and often planned in advance. The families, friends,and loved ones who are left behind suffer such pain, guilt, and regrets. With young people this is especially difficult. Counseling is very helpful, and as a friend of the deceased, your son perhaps can seek counseling for himself to help him get through this time. There are a lot of grief support groups also. Perhaps your son and his friends can look into this.

I know this isn't easy for you as a mom. You hang in there hon....

Sharie


Re: the world keeps spinning............

Nancy S. on 7/29/00 at 11:50 (024237)

Sharie, I meant to thank you for your post to Judy about this. This happened with a much-loved young relative in my family a few months ago. I found your post comforting, so thank you again. --Nancy

Re: the world keeps spinning............

JudyS on 7/29/00 at 12:49 (024238)

Well you guys, Beverly's right - sometimes there are not enough words. So I'll just say thank you. You (and Scott) allowed me to get some angst out here with the graciousness that has begun to define this message board.

The word 'friend' is being reinvented via this medium and it's a wonderful phenomenom to participate in.

Shari - your paragraph brought me such immediate relief I was shocked. My sister has said to me that God has a Plan, and I know that to some He does, but your thoughts really appealed to my personal need for sense and order. Thank you!

Thank you all.
JudyS


Re: the world keeps spinning............

Steve P on 7/27/00 at 19:31 (024120)

Judy --- This happened in my family 5 years ago. My prayers are with his family. Some day depression disorders will be better understood & -- God willing -- this will be less common.

Re: the world keeps spinning............

Beverly on 7/27/00 at 21:28 (024130)

Judy,

I am so sorry to hear about your son's friend. It must be devistating for him and for you. Words always seem like too little at times like this.

In Sympathy,
Beverly


Re: the world keeps spinning............

Bob G. on 7/28/00 at 00:13 (024135)

I am sorry, Judy, to hear of this tragic loss. It is difficult to understand why, but hopefully, mental illness is receiving more attention and will receive more of the resources that are needed. I, too, have a friend who suffered the loss of his teenage son. And he is active in mental illness causes. It seems those not affected are not aware, and those affected all too aware of what needs to be done. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friends in this time of loss. BG

Re: the world keeps spinning............

Suzi D on 7/28/00 at 10:55 (024161)

My sympathies go out to your son and his friends and you and your family. My daughter lost a friend to suicide at the same age four years ago. The young man left no clue as to why and seemed to have everything going for him. I hope time will help to lessen all the hurt.

Re: the world keeps spinning............

Sharie on 7/28/00 at 18:38 (024195)

Judy,

In my work as a crisis interventionist, I share with the survivors and loved ones (when a suicide has occurred) that the person who chooses to take his/her life has usually been in so much emotional pain inside which they rarely share with others, and they carry out the suicide as their decision and their mind is made up looking forward to no longer feeling pain. They do not think about how their act will affect others. Committing suicide is often a planned exit with the feeling others won't miss him/her etc. Often people left behind feel so much guilt for not being able to help in some way. They feel they could have done SOMETHING. Unfortunately the plan and act of taking one's life is solely ones own, and often planned in advance. The families, friends,and loved ones who are left behind suffer such pain, guilt, and regrets. With young people this is especially difficult. Counseling is very helpful, and as a friend of the deceased, your son perhaps can seek counseling for himself to help him get through this time. There are a lot of grief support groups also. Perhaps your son and his friends can look into this.

I know this isn't easy for you as a mom. You hang in there hon....

Sharie


Re: the world keeps spinning............

Nancy S. on 7/29/00 at 11:50 (024237)

Sharie, I meant to thank you for your post to Judy about this. This happened with a much-loved young relative in my family a few months ago. I found your post comforting, so thank you again. --Nancy

Re: the world keeps spinning............

JudyS on 7/29/00 at 12:49 (024238)

Well you guys, Beverly's right - sometimes there are not enough words. So I'll just say thank you. You (and Scott) allowed me to get some angst out here with the graciousness that has begun to define this message board.

The word 'friend' is being reinvented via this medium and it's a wonderful phenomenom to participate in.

Shari - your paragraph brought me such immediate relief I was shocked. My sister has said to me that God has a Plan, and I know that to some He does, but your thoughts really appealed to my personal need for sense and order. Thank you!

Thank you all.
JudyS