Home The Book Dr Articles Products Message Boards Journal Articles Search Our Surveys Surgery ESWT Dr Messages Find Good Drs video

first poditarist/chiropodist

Posted by john h on 9/27/00 at 19:50 (029281)

podiatry also callled chiropddy. the word chiropody derives from the first modern work that was primarly devoted to medical care of the foot. a 1774 treatise by d. low of london entitled Chiropodologia. doctors specializing in foot care appeared in england in the late 18th century. The National Association of Chiropodists was founded in the U.S. in 1912 and became the American Podiatric Medical Association in 1983. The term Podiatry was conined by m. j. lewi of new york in 1917.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Steve P on 9/28/00 at 10:30 (029313)

John --- You failed to mention that the same Dr. Lewi also made the historic first post on Heelspurs.com, also in the year 1917.

He was said to be ticked off that no one responded to his message until 60 years later. He's so bummed out he says he'll never post again.

cheers...

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Nancy S. on 9/28/00 at 10:47 (029316)

I happen to have been married to that same Dr. Lewi when he made his historic post in 1917. He always was too thin-skinned and quick to anger. I divorced him in 1934.
Nancy

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

john h on 9/28/00 at 11:00 (029318)

j lewi was actually the great great uncle of monica lewinski. the name lewi was lengthened because of some personal problems he experienced.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 11:53 (029327)

Patrons of the Foot-board:

Finally, after 83 years, you ungrateful whiners are giving me the accolades I so richly deserve! Do you realize how long, having lived to the over-ripe age of 130, I have been up to my neck in bunions, ingrown toe-nails, and the cast-off heel lifts, and for what earthly fame I ask you? Not a shred, if you do not count a brief mention of my pioneering formulation of Lewi's Emulsified Emu Arch Salve in the August Issue of the Annals of 18th Century Podiatry... President Taft ordered crates of the stuff, and I was once invited to the White House to be his First Podiatrist - but once I saw Taft put away a whole suckling pig at one sitting, I was ousted from the White House after suggesting that he drop a few pounds. The vain, cloven-hoofed bastard! I was always a Whig myself, anyway. So, I practiced in obscurity, except for being the teacher of young Linus Pauling, who abandoned his podiatry career because of a squeamish stomach. But I say, any man who can't stand the smell of a rank, fetid foot should step aside and leave the job to his betters. This is not a profession for sissies.

If anyone would like to ask me questions about feet, I suppose, if you ask nicely, I will entertain them... but do not ask me about the exact placement of leaches on the arch of the foot. If you have not learned elementary things like that by now, I suppose that there is nothing I can do for the likes of you.

Most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM
First Podiatrist

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Nancy S. on 9/28/00 at 12:22 (029330)

Huey Lewi, you haven't changed one tincture since 1937, and I wish I could say I am surprised, but I'm not. For the record, you were not invited to THE White House, it was a white house down the road, belonging to W.C. Fields -- and not to be First Podiatrist, but to paint the fence.
And by the way, I want my grandmother's prairie bonnet back. It never did look good on you.
Nancy S.
ex-Mrs. Huey Lewi

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

JudyS on 9/28/00 at 13:00 (029331)

I regret to inform you, Ms. ex Mrs. HewiLouiewhatever, that YOU were not his first wife......I was! I can see that, given our sister-like appearances, he never really got over my raving beauty! Wanna know why we broke up? Because he was neither as cute nor as good a massager as my current physical therapist - no matter his credentials!
And to YOU, good Dr. HewiLouiewhatever, please return my lace socks....they never looked good on you anyway!

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 13:44 (029337)

Various ex-wives:

This inter-net board is for the posting of various hoof ailments and not for the airing of resentments from the uppity sufferagettes that I have had the misfortune to meet with in matrimony's steel bonds. Leave me to practise my craft now, infernal harpies, for I am beyond the reach of your button hooks! I say never trust anyone in a corset and bustle, young fellows who value your freedom. For the record, Mr. Field was treated for plantar's warts the size of a small terrier by my father, M. Jehosephat Lewi who knew well now to brandish a hot poker soaked in whiskey. He taught me my craft until I could enter the Insititue for Bunions and Callouses. Oh, for the hallowed halls of the B & C, rather than this crass inter-net! Those were the days when chiropodists were men and women stayed home and skimmed cheeses and such, as God intended.

Most sincerely,


Dr. C Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script to the former Mesdames Lewi: I shall not be returning your lace and bonnets any time soon.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

JudyLewiS on 9/28/00 at 15:36 (029352)

And you, Sir (I use the term loosely) call yourself a Doctor! The only good thing you've posted thus far is in regards to the use of Whiskey to treat pain. I must suppose then, musn't I, that you were in great pain whilst locked in the 'steely bonds' of matrimony with my dear friend, NancyS from The Lewi Ex-Wives Club (Oh Yes, the stories that poor woman has to tell....). As I know her to be a truly kind-hearted soul, I suspect your 'pain' was a product of your own shortcomings - of which I know well. I shan't even begin to address the subject of your father, M. Jehosophat, on these hallowed pages as his own methodology was rank with voodooism, at best! Leeches indeed! Is it a wonder then, that between the two of you, my feet STILL hurt after all these decades?
Now I must ask just one question of you, your words here remind me distinctly of a flying-machine acquaintance of mine, who also would use these pages to the occasional, shall we say 'consternation', of the female being - would you perchance have a great-great-great grandson by the name of John h? If so, you must have been the treating Doctor on HIS feet also!

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 16:42 (029354)

Madame:

In my professional opinion, your hoof problem is the unhappy result of lying about in your boudoir eating buttercreames and swilling bad port. I remember solving this problem for the late Mrs. Rockefeller at a summer garden party in 1926, and doing it blindfolded with a shrimp fork (thus was the level of my skill as chiropod to the rich and famous). I am scandalized that you snub leachery. One lesson that you surely must have learned from this inter-net is that one technique does not work for all. Some I have cured with leachery and emu liniment - others with full frontal lobotomies and single-malt scotch.

Only one thing, Madame, that cannot be cured is the sour disposition of a former wife.

Most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Beverly on 9/28/00 at 17:18 (029358)

I am far too young to have tied the matrimonial knot with Dr. Huey Lewi. However, the good doctor was must have sired many offspring, because my ex is clearly cut from the same 'educated caveman cloth.'
Did any of your decendants make it down to Texas? I suspect I married one of them. (Fortunately, I have since been healed of that episode of my life.)

Dear doctor, the modern woman will not consent to such restrictions.
Unless, of course, you plan to:
Fix all broken items in the house in an expedient manner and be smart enough to know when to call the repairman
Mow the lawn weekly while she sits inside in the cool a/c with ice tea.
Take out all the trash without being asked
Supply her with a substantial pocketbook full of credit cards
Hire a maid
Be better looking than the average man on the street
Worship the ground she walks on

If you have any relatives bearing those qualities, let's talk.
Otherwise, prepare for the male line of the Huey Lewi family to be very lonely.
Beverly

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Scott R on 9/28/00 at 19:37 (029364)

For the record, I want everyone to know that Dr. Lewi did not stop posting in 1917 simply because no one replied. He stopped posting because I deleted his messages (yes, there was more than 1). It was after we had a lover's quarrel over his new wife, NancyS. And don't tell me you didn't know, NancyS. I don't want to discuss it any further.

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 19:48 (029365)

Madame:

At present, my five sons have all pre-deceased me, each of them leaving vast fortunes procured in the practice of chiropody. They were men of principle, not ones to let their patients simper about on chaise lounges coddling heel-spurs. Any spur that was not subdued with a hearty whack from the back of a soup spoon was drilled out with a pneumatic jigsaw. Those were the days when chiropodists bestrode the world of medicine as the Collossus of Rhodes, my dear!

Although at 130 I easily tire and need to be spoon-fed gruel, those of the gentle sex still inquire as to my specifications of perfection in a mate. I hold fast to these requirements, having been hookwinked twice by females who was merely seeking to be cured of her fasciitis of the plantar at a discount rate. My idea paramour would:

- Daily dust my bust of M.J. Lewi, father of myself and the beloved science of chiropody

- catalog my vast collection of bunion-knives and calcified plantar pneumatic manipulator throttles

- milk my herd of rare varigated Estonian Emus

- keep up my correspondence at the Venerable Institute of Bunions and Callouses.

This, as well as the regular duties that a woman owes her mate (spooning gruel, baking sweetbreads, and adjusting trusses) I expect from one who is to be the third Mrs. Dr. Cornelius Huey Lewi, DPM

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 20:02 (029366)

Sir:

This is knavery in the extreme. What has taken place between you, myself, Fang-Soot the Chinee acupuncturist and a dachsund at the 1947 Chiropodist Summit in Bankok must not be yodled forth on the inter-net with all the finesse of a fish-monger.

Do you still have that magnificent Haglund's deformity? I keep a picture of it in my bedchamber.

I remain sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Dr. Zuckerman on 9/28/00 at 20:40 (029369)

It that you grandpa.??? I told you to stay away from my laptop. Now get back to changing and fixing my orbasone machine. I told you that the FDA won't let me test the machine for you problem. It's gone and won't come back. You are just going to have to live with the fact that a release won't work if the tendon never become tight.

By the way the winner of the orbasone gets to met Grandpa Lewi and he will sign any thing for you that you want including your foot. Becareful his sight isn't what it use to be. He was the king of Chiropody back when horses were king of the road. He stills thinks that plantar fasciitis can be cured with his magic grease lotion. It probaby can but he doesn't remember how to make the lotion. What was left in my office he got into and used the dam stuff up.

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 22:18 (029375)

Little Davy -

You are a first rate scallawag. I will not fix your your infernal old bassoon - and what an old bassoon has to do with the discipline of chiropody I have no infernal idea. Your innovations of whatever sort are a poor replacement to a timely tire-iron to the bottom of the heel. If is no wonder that your interests turn to the less manly arts - I knew that when my granddaughter Mavis fled the Lewi plantation to join the Zuckerman Family Circus of Traveling Oddities that there would be shame brought upon our strain of noble chiropods. Nowadays they are injecting heels with herbal tonics and and pampering them with Swedish massages when any hoof-man worth his salt would simply encase them in molten lead for a six-month, or at least until the sickroom smelled like Brie.

I don't know why anyone would enter a lottery to play your old bassoon anyway. Back in my day, the rationing of medical care was determined the manly way - by poker games, bribes, and veiled threats. I suppose I shall stay away from your laptop for the time being - but it is my only form of entertainment in this dank basement in which you keep me, making orthotics from dawn to dusk, like idiot hireling! Besides, the glow from your cheap monitor gives me hives.

Your affectionate great-grandfather,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script: Please send down another bottle of camphor and a 65 watt lightbulb. I will be performing a bilateral plantar phlangectomy of the ninth metatarsal bright and early. I will also need the potato peeler and a roll of Handi-wipes.

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Nancy S. on 9/28/00 at 23:57 (029391)

Mr. Roberts: Well I didn't know -- you were so young at the time, what, 13? I knew there had been a lovers' quarrel, yes, but I suspected it was between Huey and Dr. Simon Halegingerafloat, inventor of the cure-split-ends machine, who helped me so much in 1928. Ah, but now my heart goes out to you. You said you wouldn't speak of it further, however, and neither shall I.
Nancy

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Nancy S. on 9/29/00 at 00:12 (029394)

Ah, pity the third Mrs. Dr. C. Huey Lewi. At 30 you tired easily! At 130, I can only imagine and choose not to. As for the other wifely criteria, perhaps you should have stuck with your first wife, Judy, who could do all that and no doubt a lot more. Now you're in a fix, eh?
Don't write me for references during your search, and gosh darn it, give me back that bonnet right now.
Nancy,
Mrs. Dr. C. Huey Lewi the Second
P.S. Tell me why I should ice only ten minutes when I want to go for 30 minutes. This info. was in lieu of alimony, and you KNOW you didn't live up to the bargain. It's a miracle I have even one dress to wear.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

john h on 9/29/00 at 10:19 (029411)

dear dr. hury lewi: is it possible to transfer the foot of an emu to a human? would you use a local or put me to sleep?

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

john h on 9/29/00 at 10:22 (029413)

dear dr huey lewi: are you a fellow in podiatry?

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

a fan on 9/29/00 at 10:28 (029414)

dear dr huey lewi: you are a breath of fresh air after listening the whinning and moaning of dr laura, the feminest, and other such creatures. women should have stayed in their places. you da man dr huey lewi! you da man!

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Nancy S. on 9/29/00 at 10:37 (029416)

Ok 'fan' john h, I'm with you on Dr. Laura, the hypocritical windbag. As for the rest of it, we are still waiting to hear Mrs. H's side of the story.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

john h on 9/29/00 at 11:16 (029425)

mrs h does not know her place and refuses to love,honor, and particularly 'OBEY'! she thinks her sole purpose in life is to shop until she drops. she is currently trying to accumulate more shoes tha amelda marcus. somehow over the years i have acquired the task of making the beds,vacuming,emptying the trash,washing the bedding, putting the dishes in the dish washer, putting up the dishes,feeding the cats, emptying the cats litter box,doing all the yard work, filling her car with gas, and oh yes going to work each day to provide for her the style she has become accustomed to. in other words i have become a total freaking wuss!!! i was once a proud air force colonel, a leader of men, and a real man. now i am a pathetic gimpy guy who seems to be dominated by his petite southern bell of a wife. the pain oh the pain!

Re: The REST of the story......

Steve P on 9/29/00 at 11:19 (029426)

OK, this Lewi business is getting out of hand.....but here's one last historical fact about the venerable Dr. Lewi....

His 3 sons were: Hewy, Dooey, & Louie (coincidentally, they had the same names as Donald Duck's 3 nephews).

They all became Podiatrists but.....
unfortunately they were quacks.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

wendyn on 9/29/00 at 11:37 (029430)

I nominate John H as Dr Hewi's new wife. John - I'm sure you two would make a great couple. You could wear your tu-tu to the wedding. I will wear toe rings. Nancy will wear gold socks. It will be beautiful. Laurie will mix Martini's.....

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

john h on 9/29/00 at 12:42 (029436)

dr huey lewi you are indeed poetry in motion. in appreciation of your return i propose the following:

1. On December 23,2000 all PF sufferers and descendants of Dr. C. Huey Lewi are cordially invited to the revelry planned.

2. There is to be a baccahanalia, (third defintition listed under Webster's new collegiate dictionary commencing at 2000 hours at the World Headquarters of Dr. Huey Zuckerman.

3. Stimulants shall be forthcoming in quantities to equal the consumable powers displayed by those in attendance.

4. Rythyms originating from the basic percussion, wind and stringed instruments of our fore-fathers shall lend to the sensual movements necessary to the Terpsichorcan desires culminating with the presence of the feminine gender homo sapien in accompaniment. (Bring your on).

5. In order to ascertain your desires, it is felt that a reply will be necessary prior to the date indicated above.

john h

cc: dr huey zuckerman

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Dr. C Huey Lewi on 9/29/00 at 12:54 (029437)

My Dear Gentle-man:

Although my immediate hunch is that you do need to be put to sleep, a tourniquet shrewdly placed is my treatment of choice. This is a delicate operation and I shall require Davy to bring me extra Handi-Wipes and a scullery bucket. There is always the marginal chance that the foot of the emu would reject you, but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I must forwarn you that, should we meet with success, you may be plagued with the irresistable desire to graze and kick suddenly when approached from behind (a skill, it must be admitted, that would benefit you at the annual Bangkok chiropody conventions).

As for being mercilessly hen-pecked by a shrewish wife, I can only stand aside and sympathize. I, too, have stepped into that nest of vipers.

I remain sincerely,

Dr. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/29/00 at 13:43 (029439)

Noxious Former Wife:

It is clear that you are bitter about the past, but clearly you have found the means to go tripping out into the night in gold toe-socks like some limping Lillian LaRue, bent on satisfying your craven desires for revelry of the basest sort. This and other such harlotry is the reason you are now deprived of such a passionate love - a love that rivaled the white-hot heat of a thousand burning suns! I will leave you to your torment, she-devil. I rue the day I let you out of the root cellar.

As for the proper way to ice your foot, unrepentant Jezabel: if you ice your foot for prolonged periods of time, the affected limb will send even more blood to the area to maintain its internal temperature, which can cause further edema. I myself have had enough ice during the course of our union.

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script: I have fed your bonnet to Davy's terrier.

Re: The REST of the story......

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/29/00 at 14:03 (029441)

Sir:

I have had five sons, all excellent hoof-men who could crack a hallux with the best of them. C. Huey Jr. married the late Winnefred Gaskin, the neice of that bastard President Taft. L. Dewey married the starlett Singrid Ingebejorn after fitting her with his patented lead orthotics; he was the attending physician during her subsequent amputations. M. Louis was a missionary podiatrist in Kenya, where he had the good fortune to lance the plantar boils of Mr. Rudyard Kippling. S. Adolphe was a prominent chiropod before his untimely death in 1924 when he fell into a vat of emu elixr. X. Melvin Lewi, my youngest son, was the first hoof-man to open a practice in San Francisco with his roommate, the hairdresser Steve.

I thank you, Sir, for your interest in my prominent family.

I remain sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist To Wendyn

Laurie R on 9/29/00 at 14:22 (029446)

Hi Wendy,
I would love to mix Martinis at John's wedding .We need to get me a chair and then I would be good to go.Also Dr Huey, I think you need to add your photo to ours on the board. I can't wait to see what you look like after all these years.Laurie R

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

Beverly on 9/29/00 at 14:29 (029447)

Okay, I have Huey Lewi down to a possible three canidates:
1. John H. As Judy S. said, you have a history of less than friendly opinions the fairer sex. Posting along with Huey Lewi, you're just throwing us off track.

2. Alan. As an anthropology professor, I am guessing you also took plenty of history classes. Huey's historical memory is excellent.

3. Nancy S. Huey Lewi is a figment of Nancy's vivid imagination and as a book editor, she would have a naturally creative bent.

Will the 'real' Huey Lewi please come forward.
Thank you,
Beverly

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

john h on 9/29/00 at 15:06 (029450)

dr huey lewi is well versed in language and has an excellent grasp of history. perhaps one who has pondered the meaning of life as a monk in thailand would have had the time to think these things through and to honor his heritage in podiatry and family. what was it sherlock holmes said about eliminating the obvious and the truth will be left? john h is not the philosopher that dr lewi is. my profile of dr lewi: could be dr mary huey lewi,over age 40, sensitive,educated and probably an A student,gregarious,works for a living, is not a doctor of medicine, is in the recovery stage of PF, will have an occasional cocktail, and blends in well.

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

wendyn on 9/29/00 at 15:52 (029454)

No - that writing style has Texas Barb all over it.

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

Susan S on 9/29/00 at 16:17 (029455)

Whomever has cleverly created an alter-ego of that size: BRAVO! and Thanks for the giggles, chuckles, and belly laughs! What a great way to end the week!

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

JudyS on 9/29/00 at 16:26 (029456)

ALIMONY? you got ALIMONY? Why that lying, cheating son-of-a-gun! Not only did this poor First Wife receive NO SUCH THING (in spite of filling EVERY qualification, and then some!) I was left with chronically sore feet and no wardrobe to speak of (he took quite a shine to my things....). What's your secret, Second Wife? I'm going to court as we speak! BTW, that fancy black dress you wore out on the town last night was MY 'FIRST WIFE' WEDDING DRESS! (marrying HIM was quite a somber affair.....)I knew it the minute you described it. I'll bet he made up a whopper of a line to get you to keep it and wear it! He just never got over me......

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

JudyS on 9/29/00 at 16:29 (029457)

Dear Friend in the Ex-Wives Club - would you perchance still have a number for Dr. Halegingerafloat? :)

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/29/00 at 16:41 (029458)

Members of the Foot-board:

Although I have once seen a heel-spur bearing the sour-puss profile of Queen Visctoria herself, I have never seen such a case of inter-net chiropodic hysteria as I witness today on the Foot-board. Perhaps all this mooning about sipping bovine bone meal teas and rubbing yourselves with mongoose ointments has caused you to lose your reason. I am Lewi hemself, distinguished hoof-man and son of M.J. Lewi, and a graduate of the Venerable B & C. I am the inventor of the eight-pronged uranium plantar splice! I pioneered the use of the automated spavine bursa trowel!

I am not a monk, as my former wives will attest and my progeny will prove. I, however, have treated many Buddhists, Papists, Whigs, and Flemish charwomen with the same respect that I accorded to the dignitiaries that flock to me to remove their cursed heel-spurs. I am not particularly religious, but Rasputin did ask me for my reflections upon the meaning of life while I was prying out one of his ingrown toenails. You see, to the Lewi Family, Chiropody is not just an art - it is a philosophy, a way of life. But do you listen? No. That stupid czar just kept wearing those tight persian slippers. He had all the intelligence of a wombat; no wonder all the Romanovs were murdered in their beds! He never did pay his bill. Nor did Marcel Proust, but I always did suspect they were the same person. Weasels.

As for the slander of my good name: in the golden days of this republic I would have your heads on pikes and your sundries thrown to wolves!


I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Nancy S. on 9/29/00 at 16:45 (029459)

Noxious former husband:

It WAS bad of you to let me out of the root cellar. I was having a great time down there.

Nancy Lewi S.
Queen of the Jezebels

p.s. You can take Davy's terrier and stuff it.

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Nancy S. on 9/29/00 at 16:51 (029461)

Yes, it's 1-212-555-1212.
I didn't get any alimony, Mrs. jealous First Wife. I was to receive foot info. in the extreme in lieu of alimony, and this is the first I've torn out of him, 66 years later! So chill out and have a glass of wine, dear!

Nancy Lewi S.

Re: whine

JudyS on 9/29/00 at 17:08 (029467)

Wine? I AM having wine with my whine! It gave me the courage to phone my solicitor and file for alimony - retroactively! Knowing what a lucrative income our Ex has made off his special kind of quackery, I suspect I will be a very wealthy woman very soon. And I will be so very pleased to share with my fellow Lewi-Ex'es and those to come! (For that is a certainty, to be sure!)
Oh yes, he promised to 'treat' me in perpetuity as well and you can see just how far that went! You should have rung me up, my dear, before agreeing to quack-style alimony. In conclusion, BEWARE all you lady PFers, he seems to have a special affection for such and I suspect that is why he has rejoined this discussion after all these decades!

Re: whine

john h on 9/29/00 at 19:30 (029477)

dr c. huey lewi: it is my deep conviction that you should forever remain anonymous. like shakespere you will be cloaked in mystery. a man or woman for all seasons whose words enlighten all who would read them. you are after all, Dr. C Huey Lewi, DPM. the ladies on this board will go crazy wondering about the real huey lewi. Like Hoppie,Roy, and Gene you should ride off into the sunset leaving behind you all that is good and richeous. you don't pull on superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, and you don't pull the mask off the old lone ranger.

Re: whine

Dr. Zuckerman on 9/29/00 at 20:06 (029480)

He better not reveal his real face. I am adding Dr. Huey Lewi DPM to my list of podiatric hero's. By the way if i every got struck ( or put my foot into my mouth) I hope that Lewi will come to my rescue.

Re: The Huey Lewi Family

john h on 9/30/00 at 14:33 (029519)

on my original post on chiropodyt/podiatry i failed to mention that early in the last century and early into this century that traveling foot doctors were know as 'Corn Cutters' . this is for real so do not make fun of this dr lewi. the titlle of Corn Cutter is not nearly as elequent as Podiatris or Chiropodist

Re: The Huey Lewi Family

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/30/00 at 15:24 (029523)

To whom it may concern:

The mention of my nemesis Dr. Simon Halegingerafloat inspires me to set the record straight. If there ever was a more back-alley hoof-man, sirs, I have not met with him! Were he languishing from the scurvy, I would merrily enjoy a slice of key-lime pie before his very eyes and not offer him a single morsel! I once caught the 'corn-cutter' (for that is what we call hoof-men of the back-alleys) plotting to steal the plans for my automated spavine bursa trowel by bribing my washerwoman, Lupe, for the keys to my boudoir! Such a man, gentle patrons of the foot-board, is little more than a pedicurist! How he bragged and strutted about trimming the corns of Miss Lucille Ball! The man is a nematode.

As for the plans for your Yuletide revelries, this place in which I am enslaved is kept cruelly kosher, and I am fed only immitation bacon bits through the basement keyhole - and nothing at all if I do not produce my quota of orthotics for the week. Good luck to you if you think you can lift the iorn curtain of the Leverite law around here, my friends! Davy either has his nose in the Talmud, or is all about the business of corn-cutting. If there is anything the chosen people are hell-bent about it is chiropody. They didn't wander around in cheap sandals through the desert for forty-years and learn nothing about feet.

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family

Dr. Simon Halegingerafloat on 9/30/00 at 20:52 (029538)

Dear Huey Lewi DPM,

The nemesis stuff, as far I am concerned, is all in your head, and I believe you have confused me with Dr. Scott Roberts. You should be directing your paranoia toward him.

Although 126 years old, I have moved along with the times, unlike you. My main endeavors involve hair, not corns, and the more the merrier. I believe my phone number was posted inaccurately by the one of your nasty former wives. It is 1-800-FUN-HAIR.

If you are accepting imitation bacon bits as feed, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. This is the year 2000, not 1980. There are far tastier faux foods available now, so buck up and hold out for them. Your washerwoman did, and she's now a real sight to behold.

Dr. Simon Halegingerafloat

Re: The Huey Lewi Family

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 10/01/00 at 11:31 (029553)

Foul Nemesis:

Befitting it is, for a womanish sop such as yourself, to be dressing the hair of ladies. You are not to be trusted with sharp implements around anything that bleeds! When you were not chasing Lupe's skirts like a besmitten bovine, you were haunting the halls near my study, at the ready to filch the secrets of my chiropodic glory. I care not that the uranium plantar splice was banned by the Geneva convention! What do they care about the feet of mankind I ask you? Who will shear off their navicular barnacles in their time of need? Surely not I. Let them limp about Switzerland like dizzy lemmings!

As for coffee and all the other danties that you suggest to me, I shall leave them to effeminate turncoats who dress hair. I prefer a manly dram of Akvavit and a plate of herring, like my father and the noble, barrel-chested chiropods from whence he sprang.

Treason!

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DMP

Post-script to treacherous nemesis: I, sir, am rubber, and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and adheres to you.

Re: whine

john h on 10/02/00 at 09:22 (029586)

is it possible that the old 60's song 'Louie Louie' by the Kingsman was really 'Lewi Lewi'? the words were always almost impossible to understand and are not printable on this board. how about it dr Lewi/Louie?

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

scott r on 10/02/00 at 17:57 (029625)



Re: Ladies First

D. C. Huey Lewi on 10/02/00 at 20:38 (029641)

Gentle-women of the Foot-Board:

I have received word that a portrait I have provided for your viewing is to be posted. As you can see, it is no understatement that I've had to beat the fairer sex off with a cudgel in my day! Even now, at 130, I am described as debonair. As I am now single, let it be known that feminine feet, when placed in my care, are soothed with the finest French-milled soaps and butter-balms. No only this, but I offer you an understanding breast upon which to shed your sweet, innocent tears. The virility of Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and the compassion of Ghandi are rarely to be found together in a physician. I hereby offer all ladies of the footboard a chiropodoligic examination in my basement dungeon in the month of October, to prove that the great Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM has not lost his golden touch!

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi DPM

Post-script to the former Mesdames Lewi: This offer does not include the sharp-tongued harridans of my two irksome marriages!

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Nancy S. on 10/02/00 at 20:57 (029642)

Mr. Roberts, I'm glad you posted a photo of the old buzzard. Seeing him after all these years was quite a shock to my heart and feet. But now you can all see why I had to leave him -- look at that know-it-all frown, which I put up with, and a lot more, for 17 years. Although he continues to badger me on this board, I will say the one kind thing about him I can think of:
He has avoided spending time in a federal penitentiary for 130 years, and that's quite a feat for the likes of him. Congratulations, honey. One-tenth of a gold star for you.
Mrs. Dr. Huey Lewi the Second,
bonnetless but bucolic

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

john h on 10/04/00 at 19:11 (029793)

scott: i think the picture of Dr Huey Lewi belongs in the album of pictures with all of our other posters. He will live on forever.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Steve P on 9/28/00 at 10:30 (029313)

John --- You failed to mention that the same Dr. Lewi also made the historic first post on Heelspurs.com, also in the year 1917.

He was said to be ticked off that no one responded to his message until 60 years later. He's so bummed out he says he'll never post again.

cheers...

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Nancy S. on 9/28/00 at 10:47 (029316)

I happen to have been married to that same Dr. Lewi when he made his historic post in 1917. He always was too thin-skinned and quick to anger. I divorced him in 1934.
Nancy

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

john h on 9/28/00 at 11:00 (029318)

j lewi was actually the great great uncle of monica lewinski. the name lewi was lengthened because of some personal problems he experienced.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 11:53 (029327)

Patrons of the Foot-board:

Finally, after 83 years, you ungrateful whiners are giving me the accolades I so richly deserve! Do you realize how long, having lived to the over-ripe age of 130, I have been up to my neck in bunions, ingrown toe-nails, and the cast-off heel lifts, and for what earthly fame I ask you? Not a shred, if you do not count a brief mention of my pioneering formulation of Lewi's Emulsified Emu Arch Salve in the August Issue of the Annals of 18th Century Podiatry... President Taft ordered crates of the stuff, and I was once invited to the White House to be his First Podiatrist - but once I saw Taft put away a whole suckling pig at one sitting, I was ousted from the White House after suggesting that he drop a few pounds. The vain, cloven-hoofed bastard! I was always a Whig myself, anyway. So, I practiced in obscurity, except for being the teacher of young Linus Pauling, who abandoned his podiatry career because of a squeamish stomach. But I say, any man who can't stand the smell of a rank, fetid foot should step aside and leave the job to his betters. This is not a profession for sissies.

If anyone would like to ask me questions about feet, I suppose, if you ask nicely, I will entertain them... but do not ask me about the exact placement of leaches on the arch of the foot. If you have not learned elementary things like that by now, I suppose that there is nothing I can do for the likes of you.

Most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM
First Podiatrist

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Nancy S. on 9/28/00 at 12:22 (029330)

Huey Lewi, you haven't changed one tincture since 1937, and I wish I could say I am surprised, but I'm not. For the record, you were not invited to THE White House, it was a white house down the road, belonging to W.C. Fields -- and not to be First Podiatrist, but to paint the fence.
And by the way, I want my grandmother's prairie bonnet back. It never did look good on you.
Nancy S.
ex-Mrs. Huey Lewi

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

JudyS on 9/28/00 at 13:00 (029331)

I regret to inform you, Ms. ex Mrs. HewiLouiewhatever, that YOU were not his first wife......I was! I can see that, given our sister-like appearances, he never really got over my raving beauty! Wanna know why we broke up? Because he was neither as cute nor as good a massager as my current physical therapist - no matter his credentials!
And to YOU, good Dr. HewiLouiewhatever, please return my lace socks....they never looked good on you anyway!

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 13:44 (029337)

Various ex-wives:

This inter-net board is for the posting of various hoof ailments and not for the airing of resentments from the uppity sufferagettes that I have had the misfortune to meet with in matrimony's steel bonds. Leave me to practise my craft now, infernal harpies, for I am beyond the reach of your button hooks! I say never trust anyone in a corset and bustle, young fellows who value your freedom. For the record, Mr. Field was treated for plantar's warts the size of a small terrier by my father, M. Jehosephat Lewi who knew well now to brandish a hot poker soaked in whiskey. He taught me my craft until I could enter the Insititue for Bunions and Callouses. Oh, for the hallowed halls of the B & C, rather than this crass inter-net! Those were the days when chiropodists were men and women stayed home and skimmed cheeses and such, as God intended.

Most sincerely,


Dr. C Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script to the former Mesdames Lewi: I shall not be returning your lace and bonnets any time soon.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

JudyLewiS on 9/28/00 at 15:36 (029352)

And you, Sir (I use the term loosely) call yourself a Doctor! The only good thing you've posted thus far is in regards to the use of Whiskey to treat pain. I must suppose then, musn't I, that you were in great pain whilst locked in the 'steely bonds' of matrimony with my dear friend, NancyS from The Lewi Ex-Wives Club (Oh Yes, the stories that poor woman has to tell....). As I know her to be a truly kind-hearted soul, I suspect your 'pain' was a product of your own shortcomings - of which I know well. I shan't even begin to address the subject of your father, M. Jehosophat, on these hallowed pages as his own methodology was rank with voodooism, at best! Leeches indeed! Is it a wonder then, that between the two of you, my feet STILL hurt after all these decades?
Now I must ask just one question of you, your words here remind me distinctly of a flying-machine acquaintance of mine, who also would use these pages to the occasional, shall we say 'consternation', of the female being - would you perchance have a great-great-great grandson by the name of John h? If so, you must have been the treating Doctor on HIS feet also!

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 16:42 (029354)

Madame:

In my professional opinion, your hoof problem is the unhappy result of lying about in your boudoir eating buttercreames and swilling bad port. I remember solving this problem for the late Mrs. Rockefeller at a summer garden party in 1926, and doing it blindfolded with a shrimp fork (thus was the level of my skill as chiropod to the rich and famous). I am scandalized that you snub leachery. One lesson that you surely must have learned from this inter-net is that one technique does not work for all. Some I have cured with leachery and emu liniment - others with full frontal lobotomies and single-malt scotch.

Only one thing, Madame, that cannot be cured is the sour disposition of a former wife.

Most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Beverly on 9/28/00 at 17:18 (029358)

I am far too young to have tied the matrimonial knot with Dr. Huey Lewi. However, the good doctor was must have sired many offspring, because my ex is clearly cut from the same 'educated caveman cloth.'
Did any of your decendants make it down to Texas? I suspect I married one of them. (Fortunately, I have since been healed of that episode of my life.)

Dear doctor, the modern woman will not consent to such restrictions.
Unless, of course, you plan to:
Fix all broken items in the house in an expedient manner and be smart enough to know when to call the repairman
Mow the lawn weekly while she sits inside in the cool a/c with ice tea.
Take out all the trash without being asked
Supply her with a substantial pocketbook full of credit cards
Hire a maid
Be better looking than the average man on the street
Worship the ground she walks on

If you have any relatives bearing those qualities, let's talk.
Otherwise, prepare for the male line of the Huey Lewi family to be very lonely.
Beverly

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Scott R on 9/28/00 at 19:37 (029364)

For the record, I want everyone to know that Dr. Lewi did not stop posting in 1917 simply because no one replied. He stopped posting because I deleted his messages (yes, there was more than 1). It was after we had a lover's quarrel over his new wife, NancyS. And don't tell me you didn't know, NancyS. I don't want to discuss it any further.

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 19:48 (029365)

Madame:

At present, my five sons have all pre-deceased me, each of them leaving vast fortunes procured in the practice of chiropody. They were men of principle, not ones to let their patients simper about on chaise lounges coddling heel-spurs. Any spur that was not subdued with a hearty whack from the back of a soup spoon was drilled out with a pneumatic jigsaw. Those were the days when chiropodists bestrode the world of medicine as the Collossus of Rhodes, my dear!

Although at 130 I easily tire and need to be spoon-fed gruel, those of the gentle sex still inquire as to my specifications of perfection in a mate. I hold fast to these requirements, having been hookwinked twice by females who was merely seeking to be cured of her fasciitis of the plantar at a discount rate. My idea paramour would:

- Daily dust my bust of M.J. Lewi, father of myself and the beloved science of chiropody

- catalog my vast collection of bunion-knives and calcified plantar pneumatic manipulator throttles

- milk my herd of rare varigated Estonian Emus

- keep up my correspondence at the Venerable Institute of Bunions and Callouses.

This, as well as the regular duties that a woman owes her mate (spooning gruel, baking sweetbreads, and adjusting trusses) I expect from one who is to be the third Mrs. Dr. Cornelius Huey Lewi, DPM

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 20:02 (029366)

Sir:

This is knavery in the extreme. What has taken place between you, myself, Fang-Soot the Chinee acupuncturist and a dachsund at the 1947 Chiropodist Summit in Bankok must not be yodled forth on the inter-net with all the finesse of a fish-monger.

Do you still have that magnificent Haglund's deformity? I keep a picture of it in my bedchamber.

I remain sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Dr. Zuckerman on 9/28/00 at 20:40 (029369)

It that you grandpa.??? I told you to stay away from my laptop. Now get back to changing and fixing my orbasone machine. I told you that the FDA won't let me test the machine for you problem. It's gone and won't come back. You are just going to have to live with the fact that a release won't work if the tendon never become tight.

By the way the winner of the orbasone gets to met Grandpa Lewi and he will sign any thing for you that you want including your foot. Becareful his sight isn't what it use to be. He was the king of Chiropody back when horses were king of the road. He stills thinks that plantar fasciitis can be cured with his magic grease lotion. It probaby can but he doesn't remember how to make the lotion. What was left in my office he got into and used the dam stuff up.

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/28/00 at 22:18 (029375)

Little Davy -

You are a first rate scallawag. I will not fix your your infernal old bassoon - and what an old bassoon has to do with the discipline of chiropody I have no infernal idea. Your innovations of whatever sort are a poor replacement to a timely tire-iron to the bottom of the heel. If is no wonder that your interests turn to the less manly arts - I knew that when my granddaughter Mavis fled the Lewi plantation to join the Zuckerman Family Circus of Traveling Oddities that there would be shame brought upon our strain of noble chiropods. Nowadays they are injecting heels with herbal tonics and and pampering them with Swedish massages when any hoof-man worth his salt would simply encase them in molten lead for a six-month, or at least until the sickroom smelled like Brie.

I don't know why anyone would enter a lottery to play your old bassoon anyway. Back in my day, the rationing of medical care was determined the manly way - by poker games, bribes, and veiled threats. I suppose I shall stay away from your laptop for the time being - but it is my only form of entertainment in this dank basement in which you keep me, making orthotics from dawn to dusk, like idiot hireling! Besides, the glow from your cheap monitor gives me hives.

Your affectionate great-grandfather,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script: Please send down another bottle of camphor and a 65 watt lightbulb. I will be performing a bilateral plantar phlangectomy of the ninth metatarsal bright and early. I will also need the potato peeler and a roll of Handi-wipes.

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Nancy S. on 9/28/00 at 23:57 (029391)

Mr. Roberts: Well I didn't know -- you were so young at the time, what, 13? I knew there had been a lovers' quarrel, yes, but I suspected it was between Huey and Dr. Simon Halegingerafloat, inventor of the cure-split-ends machine, who helped me so much in 1928. Ah, but now my heart goes out to you. You said you wouldn't speak of it further, however, and neither shall I.
Nancy

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Nancy S. on 9/29/00 at 00:12 (029394)

Ah, pity the third Mrs. Dr. C. Huey Lewi. At 30 you tired easily! At 130, I can only imagine and choose not to. As for the other wifely criteria, perhaps you should have stuck with your first wife, Judy, who could do all that and no doubt a lot more. Now you're in a fix, eh?
Don't write me for references during your search, and gosh darn it, give me back that bonnet right now.
Nancy,
Mrs. Dr. C. Huey Lewi the Second
P.S. Tell me why I should ice only ten minutes when I want to go for 30 minutes. This info. was in lieu of alimony, and you KNOW you didn't live up to the bargain. It's a miracle I have even one dress to wear.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

john h on 9/29/00 at 10:19 (029411)

dear dr. hury lewi: is it possible to transfer the foot of an emu to a human? would you use a local or put me to sleep?

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

john h on 9/29/00 at 10:22 (029413)

dear dr huey lewi: are you a fellow in podiatry?

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

a fan on 9/29/00 at 10:28 (029414)

dear dr huey lewi: you are a breath of fresh air after listening the whinning and moaning of dr laura, the feminest, and other such creatures. women should have stayed in their places. you da man dr huey lewi! you da man!

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Nancy S. on 9/29/00 at 10:37 (029416)

Ok 'fan' john h, I'm with you on Dr. Laura, the hypocritical windbag. As for the rest of it, we are still waiting to hear Mrs. H's side of the story.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

john h on 9/29/00 at 11:16 (029425)

mrs h does not know her place and refuses to love,honor, and particularly 'OBEY'! she thinks her sole purpose in life is to shop until she drops. she is currently trying to accumulate more shoes tha amelda marcus. somehow over the years i have acquired the task of making the beds,vacuming,emptying the trash,washing the bedding, putting the dishes in the dish washer, putting up the dishes,feeding the cats, emptying the cats litter box,doing all the yard work, filling her car with gas, and oh yes going to work each day to provide for her the style she has become accustomed to. in other words i have become a total freaking wuss!!! i was once a proud air force colonel, a leader of men, and a real man. now i am a pathetic gimpy guy who seems to be dominated by his petite southern bell of a wife. the pain oh the pain!

Re: The REST of the story......

Steve P on 9/29/00 at 11:19 (029426)

OK, this Lewi business is getting out of hand.....but here's one last historical fact about the venerable Dr. Lewi....

His 3 sons were: Hewy, Dooey, & Louie (coincidentally, they had the same names as Donald Duck's 3 nephews).

They all became Podiatrists but.....
unfortunately they were quacks.

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

wendyn on 9/29/00 at 11:37 (029430)

I nominate John H as Dr Hewi's new wife. John - I'm sure you two would make a great couple. You could wear your tu-tu to the wedding. I will wear toe rings. Nancy will wear gold socks. It will be beautiful. Laurie will mix Martini's.....

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

john h on 9/29/00 at 12:42 (029436)

dr huey lewi you are indeed poetry in motion. in appreciation of your return i propose the following:

1. On December 23,2000 all PF sufferers and descendants of Dr. C. Huey Lewi are cordially invited to the revelry planned.

2. There is to be a baccahanalia, (third defintition listed under Webster's new collegiate dictionary commencing at 2000 hours at the World Headquarters of Dr. Huey Zuckerman.

3. Stimulants shall be forthcoming in quantities to equal the consumable powers displayed by those in attendance.

4. Rythyms originating from the basic percussion, wind and stringed instruments of our fore-fathers shall lend to the sensual movements necessary to the Terpsichorcan desires culminating with the presence of the feminine gender homo sapien in accompaniment. (Bring your on).

5. In order to ascertain your desires, it is felt that a reply will be necessary prior to the date indicated above.

john h

cc: dr huey zuckerman

Re: Dr. Lewi's post

Dr. C Huey Lewi on 9/29/00 at 12:54 (029437)

My Dear Gentle-man:

Although my immediate hunch is that you do need to be put to sleep, a tourniquet shrewdly placed is my treatment of choice. This is a delicate operation and I shall require Davy to bring me extra Handi-Wipes and a scullery bucket. There is always the marginal chance that the foot of the emu would reject you, but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I must forwarn you that, should we meet with success, you may be plagued with the irresistable desire to graze and kick suddenly when approached from behind (a skill, it must be admitted, that would benefit you at the annual Bangkok chiropody conventions).

As for being mercilessly hen-pecked by a shrewish wife, I can only stand aside and sympathize. I, too, have stepped into that nest of vipers.

I remain sincerely,

Dr. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/29/00 at 13:43 (029439)

Noxious Former Wife:

It is clear that you are bitter about the past, but clearly you have found the means to go tripping out into the night in gold toe-socks like some limping Lillian LaRue, bent on satisfying your craven desires for revelry of the basest sort. This and other such harlotry is the reason you are now deprived of such a passionate love - a love that rivaled the white-hot heat of a thousand burning suns! I will leave you to your torment, she-devil. I rue the day I let you out of the root cellar.

As for the proper way to ice your foot, unrepentant Jezabel: if you ice your foot for prolonged periods of time, the affected limb will send even more blood to the area to maintain its internal temperature, which can cause further edema. I myself have had enough ice during the course of our union.

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script: I have fed your bonnet to Davy's terrier.

Re: The REST of the story......

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/29/00 at 14:03 (029441)

Sir:

I have had five sons, all excellent hoof-men who could crack a hallux with the best of them. C. Huey Jr. married the late Winnefred Gaskin, the neice of that bastard President Taft. L. Dewey married the starlett Singrid Ingebejorn after fitting her with his patented lead orthotics; he was the attending physician during her subsequent amputations. M. Louis was a missionary podiatrist in Kenya, where he had the good fortune to lance the plantar boils of Mr. Rudyard Kippling. S. Adolphe was a prominent chiropod before his untimely death in 1924 when he fell into a vat of emu elixr. X. Melvin Lewi, my youngest son, was the first hoof-man to open a practice in San Francisco with his roommate, the hairdresser Steve.

I thank you, Sir, for your interest in my prominent family.

I remain sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist To Wendyn

Laurie R on 9/29/00 at 14:22 (029446)

Hi Wendy,
I would love to mix Martinis at John's wedding .We need to get me a chair and then I would be good to go.Also Dr Huey, I think you need to add your photo to ours on the board. I can't wait to see what you look like after all these years.Laurie R

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

Beverly on 9/29/00 at 14:29 (029447)

Okay, I have Huey Lewi down to a possible three canidates:
1. John H. As Judy S. said, you have a history of less than friendly opinions the fairer sex. Posting along with Huey Lewi, you're just throwing us off track.

2. Alan. As an anthropology professor, I am guessing you also took plenty of history classes. Huey's historical memory is excellent.

3. Nancy S. Huey Lewi is a figment of Nancy's vivid imagination and as a book editor, she would have a naturally creative bent.

Will the 'real' Huey Lewi please come forward.
Thank you,
Beverly

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

john h on 9/29/00 at 15:06 (029450)

dr huey lewi is well versed in language and has an excellent grasp of history. perhaps one who has pondered the meaning of life as a monk in thailand would have had the time to think these things through and to honor his heritage in podiatry and family. what was it sherlock holmes said about eliminating the obvious and the truth will be left? john h is not the philosopher that dr lewi is. my profile of dr lewi: could be dr mary huey lewi,over age 40, sensitive,educated and probably an A student,gregarious,works for a living, is not a doctor of medicine, is in the recovery stage of PF, will have an occasional cocktail, and blends in well.

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

wendyn on 9/29/00 at 15:52 (029454)

No - that writing style has Texas Barb all over it.

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

Susan S on 9/29/00 at 16:17 (029455)

Whomever has cleverly created an alter-ego of that size: BRAVO! and Thanks for the giggles, chuckles, and belly laughs! What a great way to end the week!

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

JudyS on 9/29/00 at 16:26 (029456)

ALIMONY? you got ALIMONY? Why that lying, cheating son-of-a-gun! Not only did this poor First Wife receive NO SUCH THING (in spite of filling EVERY qualification, and then some!) I was left with chronically sore feet and no wardrobe to speak of (he took quite a shine to my things....). What's your secret, Second Wife? I'm going to court as we speak! BTW, that fancy black dress you wore out on the town last night was MY 'FIRST WIFE' WEDDING DRESS! (marrying HIM was quite a somber affair.....)I knew it the minute you described it. I'll bet he made up a whopper of a line to get you to keep it and wear it! He just never got over me......

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

JudyS on 9/29/00 at 16:29 (029457)

Dear Friend in the Ex-Wives Club - would you perchance still have a number for Dr. Halegingerafloat? :)

Re: Will the real Huey Lewi come forward.

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/29/00 at 16:41 (029458)

Members of the Foot-board:

Although I have once seen a heel-spur bearing the sour-puss profile of Queen Visctoria herself, I have never seen such a case of inter-net chiropodic hysteria as I witness today on the Foot-board. Perhaps all this mooning about sipping bovine bone meal teas and rubbing yourselves with mongoose ointments has caused you to lose your reason. I am Lewi hemself, distinguished hoof-man and son of M.J. Lewi, and a graduate of the Venerable B & C. I am the inventor of the eight-pronged uranium plantar splice! I pioneered the use of the automated spavine bursa trowel!

I am not a monk, as my former wives will attest and my progeny will prove. I, however, have treated many Buddhists, Papists, Whigs, and Flemish charwomen with the same respect that I accorded to the dignitiaries that flock to me to remove their cursed heel-spurs. I am not particularly religious, but Rasputin did ask me for my reflections upon the meaning of life while I was prying out one of his ingrown toenails. You see, to the Lewi Family, Chiropody is not just an art - it is a philosophy, a way of life. But do you listen? No. That stupid czar just kept wearing those tight persian slippers. He had all the intelligence of a wombat; no wonder all the Romanovs were murdered in their beds! He never did pay his bill. Nor did Marcel Proust, but I always did suspect they were the same person. Weasels.

As for the slander of my good name: in the golden days of this republic I would have your heads on pikes and your sundries thrown to wolves!


I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family Saga

Nancy S. on 9/29/00 at 16:45 (029459)

Noxious former husband:

It WAS bad of you to let me out of the root cellar. I was having a great time down there.

Nancy Lewi S.
Queen of the Jezebels

p.s. You can take Davy's terrier and stuff it.

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Nancy S. on 9/29/00 at 16:51 (029461)

Yes, it's 1-212-555-1212.
I didn't get any alimony, Mrs. jealous First Wife. I was to receive foot info. in the extreme in lieu of alimony, and this is the first I've torn out of him, 66 years later! So chill out and have a glass of wine, dear!

Nancy Lewi S.

Re: whine

JudyS on 9/29/00 at 17:08 (029467)

Wine? I AM having wine with my whine! It gave me the courage to phone my solicitor and file for alimony - retroactively! Knowing what a lucrative income our Ex has made off his special kind of quackery, I suspect I will be a very wealthy woman very soon. And I will be so very pleased to share with my fellow Lewi-Ex'es and those to come! (For that is a certainty, to be sure!)
Oh yes, he promised to 'treat' me in perpetuity as well and you can see just how far that went! You should have rung me up, my dear, before agreeing to quack-style alimony. In conclusion, BEWARE all you lady PFers, he seems to have a special affection for such and I suspect that is why he has rejoined this discussion after all these decades!

Re: whine

john h on 9/29/00 at 19:30 (029477)

dr c. huey lewi: it is my deep conviction that you should forever remain anonymous. like shakespere you will be cloaked in mystery. a man or woman for all seasons whose words enlighten all who would read them. you are after all, Dr. C Huey Lewi, DPM. the ladies on this board will go crazy wondering about the real huey lewi. Like Hoppie,Roy, and Gene you should ride off into the sunset leaving behind you all that is good and richeous. you don't pull on superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, and you don't pull the mask off the old lone ranger.

Re: whine

Dr. Zuckerman on 9/29/00 at 20:06 (029480)

He better not reveal his real face. I am adding Dr. Huey Lewi DPM to my list of podiatric hero's. By the way if i every got struck ( or put my foot into my mouth) I hope that Lewi will come to my rescue.

Re: The Huey Lewi Family

john h on 9/30/00 at 14:33 (029519)

on my original post on chiropodyt/podiatry i failed to mention that early in the last century and early into this century that traveling foot doctors were know as 'Corn Cutters' . this is for real so do not make fun of this dr lewi. the titlle of Corn Cutter is not nearly as elequent as Podiatris or Chiropodist

Re: The Huey Lewi Family

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 9/30/00 at 15:24 (029523)

To whom it may concern:

The mention of my nemesis Dr. Simon Halegingerafloat inspires me to set the record straight. If there ever was a more back-alley hoof-man, sirs, I have not met with him! Were he languishing from the scurvy, I would merrily enjoy a slice of key-lime pie before his very eyes and not offer him a single morsel! I once caught the 'corn-cutter' (for that is what we call hoof-men of the back-alleys) plotting to steal the plans for my automated spavine bursa trowel by bribing my washerwoman, Lupe, for the keys to my boudoir! Such a man, gentle patrons of the foot-board, is little more than a pedicurist! How he bragged and strutted about trimming the corns of Miss Lucille Ball! The man is a nematode.

As for the plans for your Yuletide revelries, this place in which I am enslaved is kept cruelly kosher, and I am fed only immitation bacon bits through the basement keyhole - and nothing at all if I do not produce my quota of orthotics for the week. Good luck to you if you think you can lift the iorn curtain of the Leverite law around here, my friends! Davy either has his nose in the Talmud, or is all about the business of corn-cutting. If there is anything the chosen people are hell-bent about it is chiropody. They didn't wander around in cheap sandals through the desert for forty-years and learn nothing about feet.

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: The Huey Lewi Family

Dr. Simon Halegingerafloat on 9/30/00 at 20:52 (029538)

Dear Huey Lewi DPM,

The nemesis stuff, as far I am concerned, is all in your head, and I believe you have confused me with Dr. Scott Roberts. You should be directing your paranoia toward him.

Although 126 years old, I have moved along with the times, unlike you. My main endeavors involve hair, not corns, and the more the merrier. I believe my phone number was posted inaccurately by the one of your nasty former wives. It is 1-800-FUN-HAIR.

If you are accepting imitation bacon bits as feed, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. This is the year 2000, not 1980. There are far tastier faux foods available now, so buck up and hold out for them. Your washerwoman did, and she's now a real sight to behold.

Dr. Simon Halegingerafloat

Re: The Huey Lewi Family

Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 10/01/00 at 11:31 (029553)

Foul Nemesis:

Befitting it is, for a womanish sop such as yourself, to be dressing the hair of ladies. You are not to be trusted with sharp implements around anything that bleeds! When you were not chasing Lupe's skirts like a besmitten bovine, you were haunting the halls near my study, at the ready to filch the secrets of my chiropodic glory. I care not that the uranium plantar splice was banned by the Geneva convention! What do they care about the feet of mankind I ask you? Who will shear off their navicular barnacles in their time of need? Surely not I. Let them limp about Switzerland like dizzy lemmings!

As for coffee and all the other danties that you suggest to me, I shall leave them to effeminate turncoats who dress hair. I prefer a manly dram of Akvavit and a plate of herring, like my father and the noble, barrel-chested chiropods from whence he sprang.

Treason!

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DMP

Post-script to treacherous nemesis: I, sir, am rubber, and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and adheres to you.

Re: whine

john h on 10/02/00 at 09:22 (029586)

is it possible that the old 60's song 'Louie Louie' by the Kingsman was really 'Lewi Lewi'? the words were always almost impossible to understand and are not printable on this board. how about it dr Lewi/Louie?

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

scott r on 10/02/00 at 17:57 (029625)



Re: Ladies First

D. C. Huey Lewi on 10/02/00 at 20:38 (029641)

Gentle-women of the Foot-Board:

I have received word that a portrait I have provided for your viewing is to be posted. As you can see, it is no understatement that I've had to beat the fairer sex off with a cudgel in my day! Even now, at 130, I am described as debonair. As I am now single, let it be known that feminine feet, when placed in my care, are soothed with the finest French-milled soaps and butter-balms. No only this, but I offer you an understanding breast upon which to shed your sweet, innocent tears. The virility of Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. and the compassion of Ghandi are rarely to be found together in a physician. I hereby offer all ladies of the footboard a chiropodoligic examination in my basement dungeon in the month of October, to prove that the great Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM has not lost his golden touch!

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi DPM

Post-script to the former Mesdames Lewi: This offer does not include the sharp-tongued harridans of my two irksome marriages!

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

Nancy S. on 10/02/00 at 20:57 (029642)

Mr. Roberts, I'm glad you posted a photo of the old buzzard. Seeing him after all these years was quite a shock to my heart and feet. But now you can all see why I had to leave him -- look at that know-it-all frown, which I put up with, and a lot more, for 17 years. Although he continues to badger me on this board, I will say the one kind thing about him I can think of:
He has avoided spending time in a federal penitentiary for 130 years, and that's quite a feat for the likes of him. Congratulations, honey. One-tenth of a gold star for you.
Mrs. Dr. Huey Lewi the Second,
bonnetless but bucolic

Re: first poditarist/chiropodist

john h on 10/04/00 at 19:11 (029793)

scott: i think the picture of Dr Huey Lewi belongs in the album of pictures with all of our other posters. He will live on forever.