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Tommorrow.

Posted by Dr. Zuckerman on 9/29/00 at 18:45 (029474)

Well tommorrow's the big day. It's also Saturday and the Jewish New York. That's when all big little Jewish boys like me go to Synagogue. For those of you from Texas that's a like a church except all the people inside are Jewish and and the minister is a Rabbi. Anyway how about having the Rabbi pick out of the envelope??? I just want to inform you that in our town of Cherry Hill, New Jersey for those of you who follow the news we actually have a Rabbi up for first degree murder. He killed (accused ) his wife. I can't wait for the Jewish lawyer to tell the all Jewish jury. If the yumaca (small black cap that jews wear on their head in jewish church.) doesn't fit you must
acquit. Anyway I will go to my office after synagogue and get the lotto envelop and pick a winner. Will post asap

Re: Tommorrow.

JudyS on 9/29/00 at 23:01 (029497)

Happy Holidays, Dr. Z! (but you will promise to leave gramps in the celler, right?)
As a bread-making hobbyist, I used to make the Jewish Egg Braid every Rosh Hashana for some wonderful Jewish neighbors......we all moved and lost touch over the years but it was a fun tradition while it lasted.

Re: from Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor

Bob G. on 9/30/00 at 08:32 (029505)

Moskowitz, suffering from PF, had bought a parrot (for company) and one morning found the bird at the eastern side of the cage, with a small prayer shawl over its head, rocking to and fro and mumbling. Bending low to listen, Moskowitz was thunderstruck to discover the bird was intoning prayers in the finest Hebrew.

'You're Jewish?' asked Moskowitz.

'Not only Jewish,' said the parrot, 'but Orthodox. So will you take me to the synagogue on Rosh Hashanah?'

Rash Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, was indeed only two days off, and it would as always usher in the high-holiday season which would end with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, ten days later.

Moskowitz said, 'Of course, I'll take you, but can I tell my friends about you? It isn't a secret, I hope?'

'No secret at all. Tell anyone you want to.' And the parrot returned to his praying.

Moskowitz went to all his friends, full of the story of his Jewish parrot. Of course no one believed him, and in no time at all Moskowitz was taking bets. By Rosh Hashanah, he had a hundred dollars, all told, riding on the parrot.

Grinning, Moskowitz hobbled to the synagogue with his parrot in its cage. He put him in a prominent place and everyone turned to watch, even as they mumbled their prayers. Even the rabbi watched, for he had seven dollars that said the parrot could not pray.

Moskowitz waited. Everyone waited. And the parrot did nothing. Moskowitz carefully arranged the prayer shawl over the birds head, but the parrot ducked and the shawl fell off.

After the services, Moskowitz's friends, with much mockery, collected their money. Even the rabbi snickered as he took his profit of seven dollars.

Utterly humiliated, Moskowitz hobbled home, turned viciously on the parrot, and said, 'Prepare to die, you little monster, for I'm going to wring your neck. If you can pray, now's the time.'

Whereupon the parrot's voice rang out clearly, 'Hold it, you dumb jerk. In ten days it's Yom Kippur, when all Jews will sing the tragic, haunting Kol Nidre. Well, bet everybody that I can sing the Kol Nidre.'

'Why? You didn't do anything today.'

'Exactly! So for Yom Kippur, just think of the odds you'll get!'

Re: from Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor

Dr. Zuckerman on 9/30/00 at 14:24 (029517)

I heard this before. Your version is much better. Thanks

Re: Tommorrow.

john h on 10/01/00 at 22:20 (029579)

i know your rabbi must have some experience in a delicate type surgery. can he do a pf release?

Re: Tommorrow.

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/02/00 at 18:43 (029632)

I first want to see if his hand is shaking.

Re: Tommorrow.

JudyS on 9/29/00 at 23:01 (029497)

Happy Holidays, Dr. Z! (but you will promise to leave gramps in the celler, right?)
As a bread-making hobbyist, I used to make the Jewish Egg Braid every Rosh Hashana for some wonderful Jewish neighbors......we all moved and lost touch over the years but it was a fun tradition while it lasted.

Re: from Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor

Bob G. on 9/30/00 at 08:32 (029505)

Moskowitz, suffering from PF, had bought a parrot (for company) and one morning found the bird at the eastern side of the cage, with a small prayer shawl over its head, rocking to and fro and mumbling. Bending low to listen, Moskowitz was thunderstruck to discover the bird was intoning prayers in the finest Hebrew.

'You're Jewish?' asked Moskowitz.

'Not only Jewish,' said the parrot, 'but Orthodox. So will you take me to the synagogue on Rosh Hashanah?'

Rash Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, was indeed only two days off, and it would as always usher in the high-holiday season which would end with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, ten days later.

Moskowitz said, 'Of course, I'll take you, but can I tell my friends about you? It isn't a secret, I hope?'

'No secret at all. Tell anyone you want to.' And the parrot returned to his praying.

Moskowitz went to all his friends, full of the story of his Jewish parrot. Of course no one believed him, and in no time at all Moskowitz was taking bets. By Rosh Hashanah, he had a hundred dollars, all told, riding on the parrot.

Grinning, Moskowitz hobbled to the synagogue with his parrot in its cage. He put him in a prominent place and everyone turned to watch, even as they mumbled their prayers. Even the rabbi watched, for he had seven dollars that said the parrot could not pray.

Moskowitz waited. Everyone waited. And the parrot did nothing. Moskowitz carefully arranged the prayer shawl over the birds head, but the parrot ducked and the shawl fell off.

After the services, Moskowitz's friends, with much mockery, collected their money. Even the rabbi snickered as he took his profit of seven dollars.

Utterly humiliated, Moskowitz hobbled home, turned viciously on the parrot, and said, 'Prepare to die, you little monster, for I'm going to wring your neck. If you can pray, now's the time.'

Whereupon the parrot's voice rang out clearly, 'Hold it, you dumb jerk. In ten days it's Yom Kippur, when all Jews will sing the tragic, haunting Kol Nidre. Well, bet everybody that I can sing the Kol Nidre.'

'Why? You didn't do anything today.'

'Exactly! So for Yom Kippur, just think of the odds you'll get!'

Re: from Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor

Dr. Zuckerman on 9/30/00 at 14:24 (029517)

I heard this before. Your version is much better. Thanks

Re: Tommorrow.

john h on 10/01/00 at 22:20 (029579)

i know your rabbi must have some experience in a delicate type surgery. can he do a pf release?

Re: Tommorrow.

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/02/00 at 18:43 (029632)

I first want to see if his hand is shaking.