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Who is Dr. Lewi?

Posted by Dr. C. Huey Lewi on 10/06/00 at 14:00 (029946)

Madame Nancy,

The term 'podiatry' was coined by my father, the late M.J. Lewi, whose bust you dusted so faithfully until your wanton inclinations caused you to abandon the sweet life of luxury that only a first-class hoof-man could provide. I prefer the more ancient term 'chiropody' which is the science, or rather, the philosophy of feet. As of late I have shunned the patrons of the foot-board for having the gall to imply that I, the inventor of the eight-pronged uranium plantar splice, am to be likened to a 'warrior-princess!' No doubt, they have listened to your veiled whispers that once you surprised me in your boudoir, modeling your pink silk morning-slippers with the crimson ostrich fringe. You know very well that I was simply making a scientific measurement of the angle of the arch, so that my princess would not damage her delicate plantars! And as there was a chill in the room, the feather-boa was merely for warmth, and the rhinestone poodle-skirt was a sad figment of your imagination! I dare any patron of the foot-board to call me a fancy-man to my face! Easy for you to make your sinister accusations from the comfort of your bourgeois ergonomic recliners rather than confront me over my tea table! For if you did, I would meet them in a manly fashion with a slap of a glove and a sharpened shoehorn!

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script to the gentleman John H.: I have seen your army photo-graph, and I must say that you appear to be a man of extraordinary valor. Are you a Capricorn?

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

john h on 10/06/00 at 19:12 (029967)

john h is a leo which is only fitting for a warrior. dr huey lewi there are clues about your identity that are working in my favor. like the famous detective Hercule Perot i am on your trail. the chase is afoot. what 'man' knows about crimson ostrich fringe, rhinstone poodle skirts, feather boas, and pink silk morning slippers? are you aware of the 'cookie' feature on your computer Lewi? It will lead me directly to your lair. i am only a step behind you and gaining.discard your pink morning slippers and your poodle skirt and your bobby socks because your are about to be unveiled.

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

JudyS on 10/06/00 at 19:35 (029971)

To my most vile ex-husband; Enough already! You continue to cast aspersions on those of us who've devoted entire segments of our lives to your utmost comfort...and for what, I ask? To be profiled publicly by you as anything but the courageous warrior-princesses that we were? Nay, friend, your forays in to the chiffarobes of your mates were unquestionable proof of your true character. Character which you claim to be noble with your development of abhorrant gimmicks such as the so-called 'Eight-pronged Uranium Plantar Splice'. Oh puh-leze! That frightful thingy was nothing but a couple of dinner-forks bound together with wire and coated with copper tailings! And did it ever actually cure the cursed Plantar Fasciitis malady? Nope. Why, you're public may ask? I refer them to the record of autopsy on several of those poor wretched victims of yours.......said record revealing the fact that death occured soon after your 'procedure' - as a result of shredded Plantar and copper poisoning of the blood supply! May the dearies rest their poor souls in peace...
BTW - now that you've mentioned that monstrosity called a bust of your late father, I think it's a perfect time for a confession on my part. Yes, it was cast in that oh-so valuable material referred to as 'Kryptonite'......but, my darling, I had it recast in nothing but the cheapest of irons and coated with Madame Zoe's Neon Wonder.......and sold the original at auction. I had a most wonderful bid from a Mssr. Lex Luthor but was astounded when a Mssr. Kent outbid him by ten-fold! I continue to exist most comfortably on that very wise decision of mine. Oh, and you may address me as the honorable Mrs. Kent from this time on. (the 'Superwoman Syndrom' originated in the person of me) The bust, BTW, has been encased in the most grotesque lead material and serves nicely as a stop for the root-cellar door......
As an addendum to my dear friend and co-member of the Lewi Ex-wife Club......don't you, Nancy, think it's a good time to tell him what you REALLY did with that ridiculous (fake) bust of his ridiculous father? I can hardly wait for him to hear it!

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

john h on 10/06/00 at 20:18 (029972)

the real huey lewi would have known and discussed EBERS PAPYRUS which is the Egyptian complication of medical test dated 1550 BC, one of the oldest known medical works. the scroll contains 700 magical formulas and folk remedies meant tocure afflictions ranging from crocodile bite to toenail pain and to rid the house of such pest such as flies,rats, and scorpions.

one of the real descendents of huey lewi may be viewed at the following URL and it is only fitting that she was a Rockport shoe sales person: http://www.fastcompany.com/team/llewi.html

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

Bob G. on 10/06/00 at 22:43 (029977)

Thank you, John, for until now nobody has recoginzed Ebers Papyrus as much more than a rookie wannabe. I also see a great quarterback in the young Ebers Papyrus, in the fashiion and style of the great Joe Namath.

Re: Who is Lewi? I have a few ideas.

Beverly on 10/06/00 at 23:30 (029982)

John will probably beat me to the punch, but I suspect he is on the right path in concluding that Dr. Lewi is not a gentleman and is more likely to be an imaginary figment of one of our more creative
women board members. Of course, the other possiblity is that Dr. Lewi likes women's clothes a tad too much or is rather light in his loafers. The aveage guy would not have such a commanding vocabulary in female atire of mulitple historical eras.

Whoever Lewi is:
He has a strong knowledge of history.
Is obviously very aware of vintage fashion.
Should consider a sideline career in creative writing.

I say Dr. Lewi has held us in suspense and should come forward.
Beverly

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

Nancy S. on 10/07/00 at 04:03 (029989)

Ok, I took the fake bust of Huey's late father to a Halloween party right before the divorce, where it was decorated with pitiful foot remedies by his uncured patients. I believe it is now in the Quackery Museum in Trenton.
Huey, you know I never went for that pink frothy stuff. The slippers, the boas, all of it you bought for yourself and kept in my armoire as a cover. This was a secret I know I said I'd keep, but you have outed yourself here and why, may I ask, should I keep my mouth shut now? My only regret is that I didn't take pictures at the time.
Sincerely,
Nancy Lewi S.

Re: Quackery Museum

Steve P on 10/07/00 at 10:28 (029995)

Yes, Nancy. And 3 of Dr. Lewi's offspring (Huey, Dooey, & Louie) are also honored in the same museum. They were all quacks.

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/07/00 at 18:53 (030010)

this is a test. i am testing to note if time of post is EST,CDT,etc.

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/07/00 at 19:15 (030011)

it seems dr lewi either has access to a computer at work or is perhaps a stay at home mom which is more likely since his/her post occur largely during mid day. i am closing in lewi! currently analysizing your style of writing. suspects are being narrowed down to a precious few. it has been a long long time from may to november and the days grow short when you reach september lewi.

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/07/00 at 20:58 (030015)

I have a question for Dr. Lewi and a cure if he or she will come out. The cure is on me if he or she comes out and now and stops the suspense. I can't take it anymore. So if the pf is killing you come out and get it fixed on DR. Z . All you have to do is show you face
today or tommorrow or soon please.

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/07/00 at 21:01 (030016)

I will tell you my guess who Dr. Lewi is. My bet is that it is John H.
Because at times he writes like the writer he really is and all of the sudden he changes. The is the style of Dr. Lewi. Go take a look at John H e-mails in the past few weeks. IF it you John H. When can you start working in my office. Dr. Lewi

Re: Quackery Museum

Nancy S. on 10/07/00 at 22:21 (030017)

Yes, Steve, and let me hasten to add that I did not bear those offspring quacks. They were the product of the first wife, Judy, but I was forced to deal with them every April Fools Day when they came for their annual visit. What a circus. My favorite was Louie Lewi; the other two were too much like their father. And as you may have noticed, his efforts to correct their congenital foot deformities were a colossal failure.
Nancy

Re: Quackery Museum

Nancy S. on 10/07/00 at 22:25 (030018)

John, I think I know who Dr. Lewi is, and I know from an earlier post that someone else agrees with my guess. You can find out using computer tricks?? And today I thought I became really with it because we got a WebTV printer! Now I can print out everyone's words of wisdom and paste them on the wall.
Nancy

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Huey Lewi on 10/07/00 at 23:16 (030020)

Patrons of the foot-board,

My bust! My lovely bust! My lily-smooth, white-marbled, fifty-pound bust! Cast your aspersions upon me as you may, but spare the bust of my father, M.J. Lewi! I should have consigned it to the Lewi Archives at the Vernerable Institute of Bunions and Callouses, but I wanted it near me, and my collection of 'Navicular Shards of the Stars' had the archives of the B&C filled from top to bottom. Fellows among you: beware of the lingering malice of a woman scorned! There was a time when I hired whole teams of Peruvian pack-men to butter the toast of fair Judith, so that her delicate fingers need not be raised a single, needless moment at breakfast. When Nancy demanded to bathe in the blood of young virgins to preserve the bloom of her youth, I complied immediately to her whim. And, no small task finding any young virgins in New Jersey!

Although I am a doctor of feet, I will venture a psychiatric assessment of the hooting pack of jackals that makes so free with my reputation here upon the foot-board. Although your feet pain you, ease up on your opiums and no longer inhale the vapors leaching from your cheap, naugahide orthotics! Your sanity is in peril! I am Dr. Huey Lewi and none other, prisoner of this gaol beneath the Zuckerman office. Unless someone has cloro-formed me and sent me off to the Netherlands for an operation - I am a man, and the most virile of the lot of you! You speak of cookies on my computer that will lead you to Dr. Lewi... Try opening the basement door, you idiots! I have not seen a cookie in years, and if I still had my teeth, I would ask Davy for one to dip in my sabbath gruel.

Davy has promised to cure me if I come forward, but of what am I to be cured? I suspect foul play... if I do come upstairs for his 'cure,' am I to be send to the old-folks home to stare at a fleet of drooling crones making maps of the Amazon River Basin with yarn? Am I to endure flocks of snot-nosed infants lisping atonal Christmas carols and offering me warm cherry kool-aide and stale maccaroons? Will the greatest Chiropod in the western world, who has cut upon the callouses of the great Dali Lama, be shoved under a pink afgan and wheeled to the pinocle table? Will the hoof-man who applied poltices of emu excrement to the arches of Mr. Winston Churchill himself as the mighty Lusitannia sunk slowly under the Irish Sea, be subjected to nightly ememas and stewed prunes at a communal table of blue-haired liver-spotted automatons? This is the vision I present to you of man's inhumanity to man! Ice your evil heads, the lot of you!

But, Davy has offered his 'cure' for free. Am I to trust you, Davy, what with the screams of torment that I hear night and day through the floorboards? Really! Because you are my flesh and blood, I may show my face for all to see in the light of day. And I will hold my head high, because I am a Lewi. Rectitude is our hallmark. And I will trust you to a word of honor that you will not cart me off to be sip tepid ovaltine in a zombie group-home.

I remain sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script to cherished grand-son Davy: I will ascend the flight of stairs for my free 'cure' on October 20, at 1:00 p.m. Ready the body bag! This may not be pretty.

Re: Quackery Museum -- Ah ha!

Nancy S. on 10/07/00 at 23:39 (030021)

The blood of young virgins indeed. That was your washerwoman talking. The 'bloom' of my youth is not something I'm concerned about -- as john h inferred, I am my own child, forevermore.

So . . . you are who I thought you are! What a fabulous mind and way with words. Every hat I own is off to you, and I forgive everything everything everything.
Nancy

Re: Back to my first question...Who is Dr. Lewi?

Kim B. on 10/08/00 at 00:17 (030024)

Ok, this is all very...well, you're all very talented. I feel like I came in on Act III of MacBeth. I've also read George Orwell, you folks are beyond both of those.

It's hard to keep up with what is fact and what is folly. Would the real Dr. Lewi please stand up?

I obviously am not taking the right kind of drugs to keep this all in prespective. Were can I get the prescription for what is strong enough to make all this make sense?

My Baby has a bad cough, I must hasten. Or something like that. :-)

Regards, Kim B.

Re: Back to my first question...Who is Dr. Lewi?

Nancy S. on 10/08/00 at 00:31 (030027)

Kim, 'I must hasten'?? You're hired.
As far as the drug, to keep up: Have you tried beech-tree leaves scorched in front of an oil-fueled hot-air register?

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi? -- more important, WHO is Linda Lewi?

Nancy S. on 10/08/00 at 00:48 (030028)

John, this is over the top. I just now took a gander at Linda at the site you posted, and by gosh, well, there she is. She's his great-niece, right? I read about her 20 years ago in the Boston Herald, I think. I thought she 'went by' after that, like all flowers, but I guess everyone turns up on the Internet eventually.
Nancy

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/08/00 at 08:07 (030031)

Our staff will be waiting . October 20, at 1pm. I am telling Katie my ESWT coordinator to get the camera ready and we will have another lotto to guest who you are.. The winner will get one free orbosone.

So grand pa thanks for coming our. The fact that you cherish me means alot to me. I hope that I am 50% of the hoof man that were and still are. So am tellin Katie to put Dr. Lewi on the schedule. If for some reason you need to change let Katie or myself know. I know this is a stupid question DR. but is there any information that I need or you need . I would think that the great Dr. Lewi. already know that ESWT will take care of the problem. at the pf insertion of the heel .

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/08/00 at 08:13 (030032)

The following is a proof for the Dr. Lewi. I am ashame of the mis-spelling, I promised my grandfather years ago that I would learn the English Language. He always told me that you can be smart but if you can't speak or write then only you know that you are smart. Anyway.

1. guess instead of guest
2.out instead of ours.

3. knowns. instead of know.

Any other corrections Dr. Hewi will take care of .

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/08/00 at 10:41 (030035)

do not get suckered in lewi by dr z. get it in writing and notorized by another chiropodist.

Re: Quackery Museum

JudyS on 10/08/00 at 12:03 (030039)

Well here we go again - an otherwise quite lovely Sunday morning here at the Kent Estate has been degraded with more ignominous posting by my embittered and, frankly, unbalanced former spouse. Shame on you Mr. HeuyLouieWhatever - A woman scorned indeed! Not one of the members of the Lewi Ex-Wives Club was scorned by you! Rather, we had the great presence of mind to make hasty departures whilst you were Out in the World on one of your many Traveling Sideshows. More untruths on your part, Mister, and it won't be to Davy's office that you ascend, it will be to the lair of Satan himself! And if I recall correctly, and I'm sure I do, those Peruvian PacMen were there at your request in order that they carry your, shall we say, more effiminate, belongings during your various sojournes in to the world in order that you could maintain your charade of masculine virility! If you had been half the Husband you claim to have been, you'd remember that butter never ever ever passed through the lips of your fair Judith....else I'd have had the potential of clogged arteries which may have had to be treated by one of YOUR medical bretheren!
Davy Z, be forewarned......if you allow this Charletan to become free of the bounds of your celler, it will be akin to Apocalypse - as the world will never be the same, much less safe for normal persons.

Re: Quackery Museum

JudyS on 10/08/00 at 12:36 (030042)

Nancy, the reason your favorite was Louie Lewi was that he was the only one of the Three that I was able to influence. I applied my 'R'n R' parenting method in his case and found it to be quite effective.

Now, however, I must make a major confession and precurse it with a begging of forgiveness from Heuy, Dooie, and my dearest Louie.

Young men, I am not your Mother. There, I've said it.

I swore to your Father that I would maintain the Charade in order to protect you darling children (certainly never to protect HIM!) but your adult character(s) are sadly reflective of HIS so the Truth must out.

I never loved your Father. there, I've said it. In exchange for raising you as my own, he promised me a lifetime of Comfort. Although I was born to one of Society's very Best families, we became destitute through selfish and irresponsible behavior on my father's part and Mr. HeuyLouieWhatever found me scrubbing floors and unionsuits in the home of his former friend then nemisis, Dr. Halegingerafloat. As I was quite young and fetching, and came from a good name, he offered to save me from my drudgery in exchange for maternal parenting of you three Dear Ones. (I'm sorry, we simply cannot even mention the names of the other two original sons...)

I repeat, I am not your Mother. I know you would like to know who is but I'm sworn to secrecy as she has become a Very Dear Friend who is now involved in a very acceptable marriage. However, I will give you a clue. You will remember that your Father, Dr.HeuyLouieWhatever, has a fondness for ladies of the PF nature. Your Mother regularly posts to this board and has, on occasion, described her own affliction, passed on to you through birth, of so-called 'Duck Feet'. There, I've said Enough! (Except that SHE was the first Wise One to escape the clutches of your Father..)

Re: Quackery Museum

wendyn on 10/08/00 at 15:18 (030051)

Inevitably, all skeletons rattle their way out of the closet.

Yes - it's true - Dr Huey whats-his-name and I did have a a most torrid affair many years ago. Although I am not the creative writer of his most eloquent posts, I will reluctantly accept the responsibility of his lineage.

(I still think I know who the writer is, I'll be quite shocked if I'm not right on this one).

After locking eyes across a crowded room at the Institute of Bunion and Callouses, I fell hard for his smooth demeanor and skill with delicate bunion instruments. Quite literally. I fell hard. My feet hurt so badly, I was unable to walk and I stumbled towards him pleading for him to put an end to my misery. I needed help, and eventually I confused my respect and appreciation for him as a physician for a bizarre romantic interest.

Alas, it wasn't long and my persistent duck walk began to annoy him instead of endear him...and he was unable to tolerate my toe rings or hairy legs. He tossed me onto the street and took up with my friend Judy, who has done a wonderful job of filling my shoes (or Birkenstocks).

It's taken years of intense counselling to put this dark part of my life behind me.

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/09/00 at 13:25 (030096)

yes nancy there is wisdom worth saving on this board. i sometimes forget i have pf when reading some of this poetry.

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/09/00 at 13:32 (030098)

john h's wife says he has the sensitivity of a pig! so that would rule out john h since lewi is by nature a sensitive person. of course i may be like eve (of the Three Faces of Eve) and as john h have no idea that my alter ego Dr Huey Lewi has taken over. if that is so please someone help me. i do not want to wear boa's or pink bedroom slippers.

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

john h on 10/06/00 at 19:12 (029967)

john h is a leo which is only fitting for a warrior. dr huey lewi there are clues about your identity that are working in my favor. like the famous detective Hercule Perot i am on your trail. the chase is afoot. what 'man' knows about crimson ostrich fringe, rhinstone poodle skirts, feather boas, and pink silk morning slippers? are you aware of the 'cookie' feature on your computer Lewi? It will lead me directly to your lair. i am only a step behind you and gaining.discard your pink morning slippers and your poodle skirt and your bobby socks because your are about to be unveiled.

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

JudyS on 10/06/00 at 19:35 (029971)

To my most vile ex-husband; Enough already! You continue to cast aspersions on those of us who've devoted entire segments of our lives to your utmost comfort...and for what, I ask? To be profiled publicly by you as anything but the courageous warrior-princesses that we were? Nay, friend, your forays in to the chiffarobes of your mates were unquestionable proof of your true character. Character which you claim to be noble with your development of abhorrant gimmicks such as the so-called 'Eight-pronged Uranium Plantar Splice'. Oh puh-leze! That frightful thingy was nothing but a couple of dinner-forks bound together with wire and coated with copper tailings! And did it ever actually cure the cursed Plantar Fasciitis malady? Nope. Why, you're public may ask? I refer them to the record of autopsy on several of those poor wretched victims of yours.......said record revealing the fact that death occured soon after your 'procedure' - as a result of shredded Plantar and copper poisoning of the blood supply! May the dearies rest their poor souls in peace...
BTW - now that you've mentioned that monstrosity called a bust of your late father, I think it's a perfect time for a confession on my part. Yes, it was cast in that oh-so valuable material referred to as 'Kryptonite'......but, my darling, I had it recast in nothing but the cheapest of irons and coated with Madame Zoe's Neon Wonder.......and sold the original at auction. I had a most wonderful bid from a Mssr. Lex Luthor but was astounded when a Mssr. Kent outbid him by ten-fold! I continue to exist most comfortably on that very wise decision of mine. Oh, and you may address me as the honorable Mrs. Kent from this time on. (the 'Superwoman Syndrom' originated in the person of me) The bust, BTW, has been encased in the most grotesque lead material and serves nicely as a stop for the root-cellar door......
As an addendum to my dear friend and co-member of the Lewi Ex-wife Club......don't you, Nancy, think it's a good time to tell him what you REALLY did with that ridiculous (fake) bust of his ridiculous father? I can hardly wait for him to hear it!

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

john h on 10/06/00 at 20:18 (029972)

the real huey lewi would have known and discussed EBERS PAPYRUS which is the Egyptian complication of medical test dated 1550 BC, one of the oldest known medical works. the scroll contains 700 magical formulas and folk remedies meant tocure afflictions ranging from crocodile bite to toenail pain and to rid the house of such pest such as flies,rats, and scorpions.

one of the real descendents of huey lewi may be viewed at the following URL and it is only fitting that she was a Rockport shoe sales person: http://www.fastcompany.com/team/llewi.html

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

Bob G. on 10/06/00 at 22:43 (029977)

Thank you, John, for until now nobody has recoginzed Ebers Papyrus as much more than a rookie wannabe. I also see a great quarterback in the young Ebers Papyrus, in the fashiion and style of the great Joe Namath.

Re: Who is Lewi? I have a few ideas.

Beverly on 10/06/00 at 23:30 (029982)

John will probably beat me to the punch, but I suspect he is on the right path in concluding that Dr. Lewi is not a gentleman and is more likely to be an imaginary figment of one of our more creative
women board members. Of course, the other possiblity is that Dr. Lewi likes women's clothes a tad too much or is rather light in his loafers. The aveage guy would not have such a commanding vocabulary in female atire of mulitple historical eras.

Whoever Lewi is:
He has a strong knowledge of history.
Is obviously very aware of vintage fashion.
Should consider a sideline career in creative writing.

I say Dr. Lewi has held us in suspense and should come forward.
Beverly

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi?

Nancy S. on 10/07/00 at 04:03 (029989)

Ok, I took the fake bust of Huey's late father to a Halloween party right before the divorce, where it was decorated with pitiful foot remedies by his uncured patients. I believe it is now in the Quackery Museum in Trenton.
Huey, you know I never went for that pink frothy stuff. The slippers, the boas, all of it you bought for yourself and kept in my armoire as a cover. This was a secret I know I said I'd keep, but you have outed yourself here and why, may I ask, should I keep my mouth shut now? My only regret is that I didn't take pictures at the time.
Sincerely,
Nancy Lewi S.

Re: Quackery Museum

Steve P on 10/07/00 at 10:28 (029995)

Yes, Nancy. And 3 of Dr. Lewi's offspring (Huey, Dooey, & Louie) are also honored in the same museum. They were all quacks.

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/07/00 at 18:53 (030010)

this is a test. i am testing to note if time of post is EST,CDT,etc.

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/07/00 at 19:15 (030011)

it seems dr lewi either has access to a computer at work or is perhaps a stay at home mom which is more likely since his/her post occur largely during mid day. i am closing in lewi! currently analysizing your style of writing. suspects are being narrowed down to a precious few. it has been a long long time from may to november and the days grow short when you reach september lewi.

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/07/00 at 20:58 (030015)

I have a question for Dr. Lewi and a cure if he or she will come out. The cure is on me if he or she comes out and now and stops the suspense. I can't take it anymore. So if the pf is killing you come out and get it fixed on DR. Z . All you have to do is show you face
today or tommorrow or soon please.

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/07/00 at 21:01 (030016)

I will tell you my guess who Dr. Lewi is. My bet is that it is John H.
Because at times he writes like the writer he really is and all of the sudden he changes. The is the style of Dr. Lewi. Go take a look at John H e-mails in the past few weeks. IF it you John H. When can you start working in my office. Dr. Lewi

Re: Quackery Museum

Nancy S. on 10/07/00 at 22:21 (030017)

Yes, Steve, and let me hasten to add that I did not bear those offspring quacks. They were the product of the first wife, Judy, but I was forced to deal with them every April Fools Day when they came for their annual visit. What a circus. My favorite was Louie Lewi; the other two were too much like their father. And as you may have noticed, his efforts to correct their congenital foot deformities were a colossal failure.
Nancy

Re: Quackery Museum

Nancy S. on 10/07/00 at 22:25 (030018)

John, I think I know who Dr. Lewi is, and I know from an earlier post that someone else agrees with my guess. You can find out using computer tricks?? And today I thought I became really with it because we got a WebTV printer! Now I can print out everyone's words of wisdom and paste them on the wall.
Nancy

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Huey Lewi on 10/07/00 at 23:16 (030020)

Patrons of the foot-board,

My bust! My lovely bust! My lily-smooth, white-marbled, fifty-pound bust! Cast your aspersions upon me as you may, but spare the bust of my father, M.J. Lewi! I should have consigned it to the Lewi Archives at the Vernerable Institute of Bunions and Callouses, but I wanted it near me, and my collection of 'Navicular Shards of the Stars' had the archives of the B&C filled from top to bottom. Fellows among you: beware of the lingering malice of a woman scorned! There was a time when I hired whole teams of Peruvian pack-men to butter the toast of fair Judith, so that her delicate fingers need not be raised a single, needless moment at breakfast. When Nancy demanded to bathe in the blood of young virgins to preserve the bloom of her youth, I complied immediately to her whim. And, no small task finding any young virgins in New Jersey!

Although I am a doctor of feet, I will venture a psychiatric assessment of the hooting pack of jackals that makes so free with my reputation here upon the foot-board. Although your feet pain you, ease up on your opiums and no longer inhale the vapors leaching from your cheap, naugahide orthotics! Your sanity is in peril! I am Dr. Huey Lewi and none other, prisoner of this gaol beneath the Zuckerman office. Unless someone has cloro-formed me and sent me off to the Netherlands for an operation - I am a man, and the most virile of the lot of you! You speak of cookies on my computer that will lead you to Dr. Lewi... Try opening the basement door, you idiots! I have not seen a cookie in years, and if I still had my teeth, I would ask Davy for one to dip in my sabbath gruel.

Davy has promised to cure me if I come forward, but of what am I to be cured? I suspect foul play... if I do come upstairs for his 'cure,' am I to be send to the old-folks home to stare at a fleet of drooling crones making maps of the Amazon River Basin with yarn? Am I to endure flocks of snot-nosed infants lisping atonal Christmas carols and offering me warm cherry kool-aide and stale maccaroons? Will the greatest Chiropod in the western world, who has cut upon the callouses of the great Dali Lama, be shoved under a pink afgan and wheeled to the pinocle table? Will the hoof-man who applied poltices of emu excrement to the arches of Mr. Winston Churchill himself as the mighty Lusitannia sunk slowly under the Irish Sea, be subjected to nightly ememas and stewed prunes at a communal table of blue-haired liver-spotted automatons? This is the vision I present to you of man's inhumanity to man! Ice your evil heads, the lot of you!

But, Davy has offered his 'cure' for free. Am I to trust you, Davy, what with the screams of torment that I hear night and day through the floorboards? Really! Because you are my flesh and blood, I may show my face for all to see in the light of day. And I will hold my head high, because I am a Lewi. Rectitude is our hallmark. And I will trust you to a word of honor that you will not cart me off to be sip tepid ovaltine in a zombie group-home.

I remain sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Post-script to cherished grand-son Davy: I will ascend the flight of stairs for my free 'cure' on October 20, at 1:00 p.m. Ready the body bag! This may not be pretty.

Re: Quackery Museum -- Ah ha!

Nancy S. on 10/07/00 at 23:39 (030021)

The blood of young virgins indeed. That was your washerwoman talking. The 'bloom' of my youth is not something I'm concerned about -- as john h inferred, I am my own child, forevermore.

So . . . you are who I thought you are! What a fabulous mind and way with words. Every hat I own is off to you, and I forgive everything everything everything.
Nancy

Re: Back to my first question...Who is Dr. Lewi?

Kim B. on 10/08/00 at 00:17 (030024)

Ok, this is all very...well, you're all very talented. I feel like I came in on Act III of MacBeth. I've also read George Orwell, you folks are beyond both of those.

It's hard to keep up with what is fact and what is folly. Would the real Dr. Lewi please stand up?

I obviously am not taking the right kind of drugs to keep this all in prespective. Were can I get the prescription for what is strong enough to make all this make sense?

My Baby has a bad cough, I must hasten. Or something like that. :-)

Regards, Kim B.

Re: Back to my first question...Who is Dr. Lewi?

Nancy S. on 10/08/00 at 00:31 (030027)

Kim, 'I must hasten'?? You're hired.
As far as the drug, to keep up: Have you tried beech-tree leaves scorched in front of an oil-fueled hot-air register?

Re: Who is Dr. Lewi? -- more important, WHO is Linda Lewi?

Nancy S. on 10/08/00 at 00:48 (030028)

John, this is over the top. I just now took a gander at Linda at the site you posted, and by gosh, well, there she is. She's his great-niece, right? I read about her 20 years ago in the Boston Herald, I think. I thought she 'went by' after that, like all flowers, but I guess everyone turns up on the Internet eventually.
Nancy

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/08/00 at 08:07 (030031)

Our staff will be waiting . October 20, at 1pm. I am telling Katie my ESWT coordinator to get the camera ready and we will have another lotto to guest who you are.. The winner will get one free orbosone.

So grand pa thanks for coming our. The fact that you cherish me means alot to me. I hope that I am 50% of the hoof man that were and still are. So am tellin Katie to put Dr. Lewi on the schedule. If for some reason you need to change let Katie or myself know. I know this is a stupid question DR. but is there any information that I need or you need . I would think that the great Dr. Lewi. already know that ESWT will take care of the problem. at the pf insertion of the heel .

Re: Quackery Museum

Dr. Zuckerman on 10/08/00 at 08:13 (030032)

The following is a proof for the Dr. Lewi. I am ashame of the mis-spelling, I promised my grandfather years ago that I would learn the English Language. He always told me that you can be smart but if you can't speak or write then only you know that you are smart. Anyway.

1. guess instead of guest
2.out instead of ours.

3. knowns. instead of know.

Any other corrections Dr. Hewi will take care of .

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/08/00 at 10:41 (030035)

do not get suckered in lewi by dr z. get it in writing and notorized by another chiropodist.

Re: Quackery Museum

JudyS on 10/08/00 at 12:03 (030039)

Well here we go again - an otherwise quite lovely Sunday morning here at the Kent Estate has been degraded with more ignominous posting by my embittered and, frankly, unbalanced former spouse. Shame on you Mr. HeuyLouieWhatever - A woman scorned indeed! Not one of the members of the Lewi Ex-Wives Club was scorned by you! Rather, we had the great presence of mind to make hasty departures whilst you were Out in the World on one of your many Traveling Sideshows. More untruths on your part, Mister, and it won't be to Davy's office that you ascend, it will be to the lair of Satan himself! And if I recall correctly, and I'm sure I do, those Peruvian PacMen were there at your request in order that they carry your, shall we say, more effiminate, belongings during your various sojournes in to the world in order that you could maintain your charade of masculine virility! If you had been half the Husband you claim to have been, you'd remember that butter never ever ever passed through the lips of your fair Judith....else I'd have had the potential of clogged arteries which may have had to be treated by one of YOUR medical bretheren!
Davy Z, be forewarned......if you allow this Charletan to become free of the bounds of your celler, it will be akin to Apocalypse - as the world will never be the same, much less safe for normal persons.

Re: Quackery Museum

JudyS on 10/08/00 at 12:36 (030042)

Nancy, the reason your favorite was Louie Lewi was that he was the only one of the Three that I was able to influence. I applied my 'R'n R' parenting method in his case and found it to be quite effective.

Now, however, I must make a major confession and precurse it with a begging of forgiveness from Heuy, Dooie, and my dearest Louie.

Young men, I am not your Mother. There, I've said it.

I swore to your Father that I would maintain the Charade in order to protect you darling children (certainly never to protect HIM!) but your adult character(s) are sadly reflective of HIS so the Truth must out.

I never loved your Father. there, I've said it. In exchange for raising you as my own, he promised me a lifetime of Comfort. Although I was born to one of Society's very Best families, we became destitute through selfish and irresponsible behavior on my father's part and Mr. HeuyLouieWhatever found me scrubbing floors and unionsuits in the home of his former friend then nemisis, Dr. Halegingerafloat. As I was quite young and fetching, and came from a good name, he offered to save me from my drudgery in exchange for maternal parenting of you three Dear Ones. (I'm sorry, we simply cannot even mention the names of the other two original sons...)

I repeat, I am not your Mother. I know you would like to know who is but I'm sworn to secrecy as she has become a Very Dear Friend who is now involved in a very acceptable marriage. However, I will give you a clue. You will remember that your Father, Dr.HeuyLouieWhatever, has a fondness for ladies of the PF nature. Your Mother regularly posts to this board and has, on occasion, described her own affliction, passed on to you through birth, of so-called 'Duck Feet'. There, I've said Enough! (Except that SHE was the first Wise One to escape the clutches of your Father..)

Re: Quackery Museum

wendyn on 10/08/00 at 15:18 (030051)

Inevitably, all skeletons rattle their way out of the closet.

Yes - it's true - Dr Huey whats-his-name and I did have a a most torrid affair many years ago. Although I am not the creative writer of his most eloquent posts, I will reluctantly accept the responsibility of his lineage.

(I still think I know who the writer is, I'll be quite shocked if I'm not right on this one).

After locking eyes across a crowded room at the Institute of Bunion and Callouses, I fell hard for his smooth demeanor and skill with delicate bunion instruments. Quite literally. I fell hard. My feet hurt so badly, I was unable to walk and I stumbled towards him pleading for him to put an end to my misery. I needed help, and eventually I confused my respect and appreciation for him as a physician for a bizarre romantic interest.

Alas, it wasn't long and my persistent duck walk began to annoy him instead of endear him...and he was unable to tolerate my toe rings or hairy legs. He tossed me onto the street and took up with my friend Judy, who has done a wonderful job of filling my shoes (or Birkenstocks).

It's taken years of intense counselling to put this dark part of my life behind me.

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/09/00 at 13:25 (030096)

yes nancy there is wisdom worth saving on this board. i sometimes forget i have pf when reading some of this poetry.

Re: Quackery Museum

john h on 10/09/00 at 13:32 (030098)

john h's wife says he has the sensitivity of a pig! so that would rule out john h since lewi is by nature a sensitive person. of course i may be like eve (of the Three Faces of Eve) and as john h have no idea that my alter ego Dr Huey Lewi has taken over. if that is so please someone help me. i do not want to wear boa's or pink bedroom slippers.