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BOO!

Posted by Dr. Huey Lewi on 10/26/00 at 18:38 (031406)

Patrons of the Foot-Board,

Boo!

I am the tormented ghoul who in life was the great Cornelius Huey Lewi, DPM! All mourn a giant of podiatry, by whose genius the lame walked and gentlewomen swooned with ardor! Alas, I am no more.

My wives will be pleased to know that I am sharing my purgatorial chains with none other than this bastard President Taft, who in addition to being a braggart and a bore, needs a breath-mint, if you ask me. Dragging this insufferable Hindenberg around by the ankle-manacles has been no lark! He goes on and on about women's suffrage until my ears ring. I told him 'Dash it all, Taft! Women have been providing me with ample suffrage for 100 years!' But, since he has all the wit of string cheese, he keeps on rambling. I have truly descended into hell! The 'Theme from a Summer Place' is piped into the basement continually, my spats are dreadfully understarched, and the coroner has scratched my best monocle. Dante could not have dreamed up such horrors! My blood, if I had any, would run cold.

Taft and I float aloft over the basement stairs, sighing and booing with all our strength, and still we are not to be heard above the roar of the Old Bassoon and the screams of terror that erupt regularly from the treatment-room. The last thing I recall was my cautious ascent up the basement stairs on the appointed day of my great experiment, escorted by a tempestuous maid-of-all-work with long, red hair and a certain 'come hither' look in her gypsy eyes… Davy stood before me, his face a-glow with veneration before his sage ancestor. With heads bowed in deference, the nurses led me to the treatment chair, my plantars groaning audibly as they fought to free themselves from my heel bone. Then, darkness descended upon me, and I awoke to find myself chained to Taft! I still haven't the faintest idea of what I am to do in the afterworld; Taft and I have been summoned to the center of hell (near Newark) for a basic haunting class, but other than that, I suppose I am free to frighten small children (a skill in which I already have ample practice) and to find out my murderer!

I have my theories, which will be forthcoming. Until then, I still welcome your chiropodic inquiries. A really good podiatrist will never abandon the care of feet, even when he has ceased to be. Now I must take my leave… Taft and I are being audited today and then fed to wolves.

I remain most sincerely

The Ghost of C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Post script to former wives: Your mothers have asked me to say 'Hello.'

Re: BOO!

Kate on 10/27/00 at 11:28 (031455)

Doctor Lewi,
If this is indeed your incarnation, I have but one question for you.
Do you find that in your tormented afterlife, your feet feel better?
For while we do so mourn your passing, this tempestous redhead ( as you so kindly have dubbed) does hope that Davy was able to give you atleast a little piece of heaven.....
As for lingering about the steps, it is quite funny when you scare our timid technicians, but please refrain from passing your bony cold hands on my ankles when I descend!!!

Re: BOO!

Kate on 10/27/00 at 11:28 (031455)

Doctor Lewi,
If this is indeed your incarnation, I have but one question for you.
Do you find that in your tormented afterlife, your feet feel better?
For while we do so mourn your passing, this tempestous redhead ( as you so kindly have dubbed) does hope that Davy was able to give you atleast a little piece of heaven.....
As for lingering about the steps, it is quite funny when you scare our timid technicians, but please refrain from passing your bony cold hands on my ankles when I descend!!!