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An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Posted by Scott Roberts on 3/08/01 at 15:23 (040816)

Dr. Lewi, as an appendix to my upcoming book on heel pain, I have a few questions. If others have questions, please join in, but please keep it in this thread so that I can find the responses.

http://heelspurs.com/zz/DrHueyLewiDPM.jpg

Is it true that you were the first DPM? At what hospitals did you practice? What exactly were your credentials? Did you get sued by patients more often in those early days of podiatric medicine?

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Dr. Zuckerman on 3/09/01 at 09:11 (040878)

Compare the educational requirements that you had to go thru in your day.
Did you have to go to Podiatry School for four years. Did you have to take a surgical or medical reidency program. Why did you decide that there was a need for podiatry. Weren't you a frustrated medical doctor who though that your profession wasn't interested in t daily foot pain that people suffer.

I just have so many questions for you that I don't know where to start.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Dr. Huey Lewi, DPM on 3/09/01 at 17:36 (040901)

Patrons of the foot-board,

I am pleased to entertain the formal questions of spur-sufferers. Forgive my delay, but even in the afterlife, my services are coveted and my presence craved. There is much to be done in the basement of the Venerable Institute of Bunions and Calluses, where I have been spending a good portion of my haunting time behind the card-catalog, giving the co-eds goose-flesh! I was delighted when the Lewi Memorial Emu Transplant Surgicenter broke ground on the campus of the B & C last week, but it appears that my half-ton marble bust has not been adequately polished in the foyer, and is beginning to dull. Such slack house-keeping chaps my dead hide.

As to my famous history, I am sure that you chaise-lounging, hobbled sluggards could look it up for yourselves in the Lewi Archives at the B&C, but I will delight you yet again in the name of science. My distinction as a chiropod is only that of being the very best, not the very first. My father, the late M.J. Lewi coined the term 'podiatry,' but the previous term 'chiropodiatry' goes back to London of the 1700's. I prefer that name because I am a student of the ancients, and all this modern wizardry goes quite against my grain. I espouse the time-tested methods of radical blunt-implement re-injury, lead orthoses, and offering incense in the temple of Apollo. If it was good enough for Hypocrites, Aristotle and Pythagoras, by God, it is good enough for Cornelius Huey Lewi, DPM. Although I have been hoof-man to starlets and dignitaries, and have supped with magnates and potentates, all offering me world dominion and control of vast nuclear arsenals in exchange for my trade secrets, I have not grown too big for my britches.

Beneath all the flash and panache of my famous persona is only a humble New Jersey farm lad, lost as a baby in the melee of a civil war ambush, found and raised by wolves, and then escaping, at the age of nine, to employ himself as boot and corset lacer to the sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln. I recall that she had a dorsal bunion the size of a musk-melon, which awakened not only my adolescent lusts, but my interest in podiatry. She had the kindness to have my vestigial tail removed and my back shaved, which gave me my first interest in surgery. After years of faithful service, she herself sent me by a coach and four to my ancestral home where I could immerse myself in the Lewi Trade. My father has just started the Venerable B&C, and I was his student, fitted to the task perfectly by my feral experience, which gave me speed, cunning, and hypnotic, shifty eyes that glow after twilight. I have never been another kind of doctor chiropody was my first love and shall be my last, although I did have the honor of delivering young Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. when I was performing a VanDickie Metatarsal Reversal on his mother and she suddenly went into labor. I did not bat an eye, nor did my brow wrinkle, nor did I drip sweat or shudder with the knee-quakes that curse ordinary hoof-men. Once you have been a podiatrist of my pedigree, all medicine seems child's-play in comparison.

My education was a full four years long, with a specialty in bone saw and rasp, and another associate's degree in interior design. My father was no slouching Amos when it came to my education! He sent me briefly to the L'Institute Hoisery in Paris for an internship, and then to Oxford, where received private tutelage from Sir Clive Wattles, the fifth Earl of Penniwinkle, who held the honorary chair in Trenchfoot. Together we lanced the plantar carbuncles of Queen Victoria herself. It was at Oxford that I first contemplated the design of the automated spavined bursa trowel while dining upon canned ham in the Salon of my dear friend Marcel Proust during the blitz.

Not once has anyone lodged complaint with the law against me, and all my patients have died of natural causes as clearly stated on their death certificates, which I have misplaced.

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Nancy S. on 3/09/01 at 20:28 (040916)

Darling Huey,
Oh, the lies. More than once I have filed complaints against you with the law. But you, like a reptile, slithered away into the grass and camouflaged yourself amongst the mushrooms.
You brag about your bust and your supposed foot accomplishments, yet in your wake you left the spurs and other pains of your wives and mistresses unhealed. How do you explain these hideous blemishes on your record? And why is it that I now find so much relief from a homeopathist, after you kept me from such methods by locking me in the root-cellar?
I give you your imagination; but where does the truth lie?
Nancy Lewi S.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Scott R on 3/09/01 at 23:04 (040927)

Dr. Lewi,
What do you think of the quality of today's foot care? Has changes in society led to an increase or decrease in foot complaints? Did you have a regimen in treating a typical case of plantar fasciitis? What do you think of the OssaTron and other ESWT devices?

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Dr. Huey Lewi on 3/11/01 at 01:21 (041002)

Dear Sir -

Thank you for your thoughtful questions, I am glad that there is one sane voice that makes itself heard about the infernal din of ex-wives! We have this day proof that my wives would merrily, if presented with the site of my burial, dance merry jigs upon it. I have just seen a daguerreotype of Judith, swilling port with yet another foot-board dandy. Nothing further need be said.

I have frequently been asked about homeopathy as a treatment for spur-cases. I find that the sexual proclivities of the practitioner make no difference in treatment outcomes, and I have been to enough Bangkok Chiropody Conventions to know whereof I speak.

Sadly, today's podiatrists offer impersonal care that objectifies the patient. They are shuffled about like mute, helpless cattle though a maze of documents before an impersonal, five-minute sneer from their hoof-man. In my day, I offered a comprehensive head to toe exam, checking all body functions with the utmost care, because a bad case of the spurs is usually systemic and arising from unresolved sexual issues. I completely explore all these psychic tensions with each patient - long before I ever fire up the automated spavined bursa trowel. This often takes hours, and sometimes days of concerted effort, but I always plumb the very depths of the problem with consummate skill.

Because the majority of citizens in this degenerate land daily consume their weight in Hostess snack cakes, deep-fried pork rinds and entire brickweights of scrapple at a single sitting, spurs are not only a frequent curse, but a judgment of the Lord Almighty on High. Repent!

Posted beneath is my course of treatment for the spurs:

1. Complete gynecological exam
2. Controlled diet, omitting cocktail onions, cheese nips, and certain fatty cuts of wolverine. All are known causes of the spur.
3. Lead orthotics, pasted upon the foot with pure oil of Estonian Emu (I squeeze my own).
4. Automated spavined bursa trowel
5. Uranium plantar splice (Lewi Maneuver)
6. Chimplant (investigational)

I am pleased to say that, although I have often had to escalate quickly to the fifth protocol, no patient has returned to me unsatisfied. I am still investigating the peer-reviewed literature on the ESWT, and I also have my eye on cloning the plantar cells of chimps to be implanted into spur sufferers. As usual, I will keep the foot-board apprised of any breakthrough I may have. My only chimp-implant patient currently is hooked by the toes to a rafter in the basement and will not come down, so I must say that the future of the Chimplant looks dim.

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: A confession

wendyn on 3/11/01 at 08:32 (041014)

I love Dr. Lewi.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Scott R on 3/11/01 at 08:48 (041015)

Dr. Lewi,
Can you tell us more about the 'Uranium plantar splice (Lewi Maneuver)'? I haven't heard of this before. This technique sounds advanced and dangerous. When did you first use it?

I am impressed that you have been able to keep up with the latest techniques in medical research such as cross-species cell implants and ESWT. How does one keep abreast of the latest advances in medicine when dead?

I had noticed before that your x-wives are extremely hateful, even in death. You must have been very tolerant to have married such hate so many times. But so many break-ups leads me to believe you may not have read the advice of Bernard Bernard's seminal 'A Complete Book of Sex Knowledge' (Health and Life Publications 1930's) where we find such passages as 'The humane man will not burden his wife with too frequent pregnancies' and 'Some women are cruelly torn and mutilated by ignorant husbands, whom they can only regard as ravenous beasts of passion' and 'It is the husband's place to woo and entice his wife to want him'. You may counter that your wives would have also done well to read 'She will learn, for her part, that she is to respond, and if she does not know this the sympathetic husband will educate her up to it' and 'It is just as wicked to be ill as to masturbate'.

Do you have any wives in heaven, or do you reside in hell?

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Dr. Zuckerman on 3/11/01 at 09:18 (041019)

Could you tell us about some of the great woman in your life.. I know that you were married many times. Do you any life advice for DrZ in the world of feet and woman. I would like to live as long as you and always have be able to make woman smile. What is your secret? I have been told that there are three great woman in life. Did you ever meet them and why did you leave. ?

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

JudyS on 3/11/01 at 10:21 (041027)

There was actually only one GREAT woman in his life - but she has a hangover right now and can't muster up the grit to expose his MANY falsehoods in the above diatribes. Later!
On the other hand.....I guess there was, at the very least, one other great woman in his life......well, maybe two. Perhaps they'd be willing to speak for me today whilst I take myself back to my quilts......

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

wendyn on 3/11/01 at 11:27 (041032)

Oh Judy Judy Judy...we just never learn do we? Somewhat reassuring to know that there are others besides myself who have still not quite grasped the evil reprucussions of the ocassional excess in life. It always seems rather harmless at the time. I image that you were drowning your sorrows with Bob G, commiserating over the emptiness in your life since the good Dr Lewi departed our material world.

If he were here, I'm sure that Dr Lewi would recommend the gold standard of hangover cures; plenty of rest, fluids, self-pity, and if you can stomach it...healthy doses of emu-oil to be taken at 20 minute intervals throughout the day.

I think you should take the 'After' picture this morning and post it along with the lovely 'Before' picture of last night.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

JudyS on 3/11/01 at 11:44 (041036)

Rule number one in the Life of JudyS - NO 'after' pictures!
It was all BobG's fault anyway.
Thank goodness my next door neighbor has several emus.....
he does, really! And they're very noisy. Especially today.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Chimp Implant Victim on 3/12/01 at 16:55 (041183)

What he doesn't know won't hurt him! I am the spoken-of chimp-implant patient he so carelessly leaves hanging from the ceiling of this dirty, dusty and dank basement ah-choo! He thinks I don't know how to get down when he leaves. He carelessly leaves his terminal on and I am free to communicate at will. After being tortured first with Daveys Old Basson, he used a shrimp fork to slice open my foot from the toes to the ankle. Then removed my heel, spur and all, and then he took someone's pet chimp (the ogre) and removed his chin and replaced my disfunctioning heel with it. So far, I have no change in the pain level I'm experiencing, but I have these irrestible urges to hang by my toes from the ceiling and to eat whatever mashed bananas I can pick out of the ungrateful cad's leftover gruel. How he loves his gruel. Of course, I can only walk around on my hands.

He then implanted my bum heel into the chimp's chin area. Somewhere here in Woodbury is a chimp with a bummer of a chin with a very large spur sticking out of it! I heard on Davey's old radio upstairs that the chimp is wanted for the murder of a few of the neighbor's pets. He alledegley sliced open his victims with my old heel spur and brought back their organs for Dr. Lewi to use in his labratory. If anyone sees this chimp, they should approach him only with extreme caution!

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Dr. Zuckerman on 3/09/01 at 09:11 (040878)

Compare the educational requirements that you had to go thru in your day.
Did you have to go to Podiatry School for four years. Did you have to take a surgical or medical reidency program. Why did you decide that there was a need for podiatry. Weren't you a frustrated medical doctor who though that your profession wasn't interested in t daily foot pain that people suffer.

I just have so many questions for you that I don't know where to start.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Dr. Huey Lewi, DPM on 3/09/01 at 17:36 (040901)

Patrons of the foot-board,

I am pleased to entertain the formal questions of spur-sufferers. Forgive my delay, but even in the afterlife, my services are coveted and my presence craved. There is much to be done in the basement of the Venerable Institute of Bunions and Calluses, where I have been spending a good portion of my haunting time behind the card-catalog, giving the co-eds goose-flesh! I was delighted when the Lewi Memorial Emu Transplant Surgicenter broke ground on the campus of the B & C last week, but it appears that my half-ton marble bust has not been adequately polished in the foyer, and is beginning to dull. Such slack house-keeping chaps my dead hide.

As to my famous history, I am sure that you chaise-lounging, hobbled sluggards could look it up for yourselves in the Lewi Archives at the B&C, but I will delight you yet again in the name of science. My distinction as a chiropod is only that of being the very best, not the very first. My father, the late M.J. Lewi coined the term 'podiatry,' but the previous term 'chiropodiatry' goes back to London of the 1700's. I prefer that name because I am a student of the ancients, and all this modern wizardry goes quite against my grain. I espouse the time-tested methods of radical blunt-implement re-injury, lead orthoses, and offering incense in the temple of Apollo. If it was good enough for Hypocrites, Aristotle and Pythagoras, by God, it is good enough for Cornelius Huey Lewi, DPM. Although I have been hoof-man to starlets and dignitaries, and have supped with magnates and potentates, all offering me world dominion and control of vast nuclear arsenals in exchange for my trade secrets, I have not grown too big for my britches.

Beneath all the flash and panache of my famous persona is only a humble New Jersey farm lad, lost as a baby in the melee of a civil war ambush, found and raised by wolves, and then escaping, at the age of nine, to employ himself as boot and corset lacer to the sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln. I recall that she had a dorsal bunion the size of a musk-melon, which awakened not only my adolescent lusts, but my interest in podiatry. She had the kindness to have my vestigial tail removed and my back shaved, which gave me my first interest in surgery. After years of faithful service, she herself sent me by a coach and four to my ancestral home where I could immerse myself in the Lewi Trade. My father has just started the Venerable B&C, and I was his student, fitted to the task perfectly by my feral experience, which gave me speed, cunning, and hypnotic, shifty eyes that glow after twilight. I have never been another kind of doctor chiropody was my first love and shall be my last, although I did have the honor of delivering young Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. when I was performing a VanDickie Metatarsal Reversal on his mother and she suddenly went into labor. I did not bat an eye, nor did my brow wrinkle, nor did I drip sweat or shudder with the knee-quakes that curse ordinary hoof-men. Once you have been a podiatrist of my pedigree, all medicine seems child's-play in comparison.

My education was a full four years long, with a specialty in bone saw and rasp, and another associate's degree in interior design. My father was no slouching Amos when it came to my education! He sent me briefly to the L'Institute Hoisery in Paris for an internship, and then to Oxford, where received private tutelage from Sir Clive Wattles, the fifth Earl of Penniwinkle, who held the honorary chair in Trenchfoot. Together we lanced the plantar carbuncles of Queen Victoria herself. It was at Oxford that I first contemplated the design of the automated spavined bursa trowel while dining upon canned ham in the Salon of my dear friend Marcel Proust during the blitz.

Not once has anyone lodged complaint with the law against me, and all my patients have died of natural causes as clearly stated on their death certificates, which I have misplaced.

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Nancy S. on 3/09/01 at 20:28 (040916)

Darling Huey,
Oh, the lies. More than once I have filed complaints against you with the law. But you, like a reptile, slithered away into the grass and camouflaged yourself amongst the mushrooms.
You brag about your bust and your supposed foot accomplishments, yet in your wake you left the spurs and other pains of your wives and mistresses unhealed. How do you explain these hideous blemishes on your record? And why is it that I now find so much relief from a homeopathist, after you kept me from such methods by locking me in the root-cellar?
I give you your imagination; but where does the truth lie?
Nancy Lewi S.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Scott R on 3/09/01 at 23:04 (040927)

Dr. Lewi,
What do you think of the quality of today's foot care? Has changes in society led to an increase or decrease in foot complaints? Did you have a regimen in treating a typical case of plantar fasciitis? What do you think of the OssaTron and other ESWT devices?

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Dr. Huey Lewi on 3/11/01 at 01:21 (041002)

Dear Sir -

Thank you for your thoughtful questions, I am glad that there is one sane voice that makes itself heard about the infernal din of ex-wives! We have this day proof that my wives would merrily, if presented with the site of my burial, dance merry jigs upon it. I have just seen a daguerreotype of Judith, swilling port with yet another foot-board dandy. Nothing further need be said.

I have frequently been asked about homeopathy as a treatment for spur-cases. I find that the sexual proclivities of the practitioner make no difference in treatment outcomes, and I have been to enough Bangkok Chiropody Conventions to know whereof I speak.

Sadly, today's podiatrists offer impersonal care that objectifies the patient. They are shuffled about like mute, helpless cattle though a maze of documents before an impersonal, five-minute sneer from their hoof-man. In my day, I offered a comprehensive head to toe exam, checking all body functions with the utmost care, because a bad case of the spurs is usually systemic and arising from unresolved sexual issues. I completely explore all these psychic tensions with each patient - long before I ever fire up the automated spavined bursa trowel. This often takes hours, and sometimes days of concerted effort, but I always plumb the very depths of the problem with consummate skill.

Because the majority of citizens in this degenerate land daily consume their weight in Hostess snack cakes, deep-fried pork rinds and entire brickweights of scrapple at a single sitting, spurs are not only a frequent curse, but a judgment of the Lord Almighty on High. Repent!

Posted beneath is my course of treatment for the spurs:

1. Complete gynecological exam
2. Controlled diet, omitting cocktail onions, cheese nips, and certain fatty cuts of wolverine. All are known causes of the spur.
3. Lead orthotics, pasted upon the foot with pure oil of Estonian Emu (I squeeze my own).
4. Automated spavined bursa trowel
5. Uranium plantar splice (Lewi Maneuver)
6. Chimplant (investigational)

I am pleased to say that, although I have often had to escalate quickly to the fifth protocol, no patient has returned to me unsatisfied. I am still investigating the peer-reviewed literature on the ESWT, and I also have my eye on cloning the plantar cells of chimps to be implanted into spur sufferers. As usual, I will keep the foot-board apprised of any breakthrough I may have. My only chimp-implant patient currently is hooked by the toes to a rafter in the basement and will not come down, so I must say that the future of the Chimplant looks dim.

I remain most sincerely,

Dr. C. Huey Lewi, DPM

Re: A confession

wendyn on 3/11/01 at 08:32 (041014)

I love Dr. Lewi.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Scott R on 3/11/01 at 08:48 (041015)

Dr. Lewi,
Can you tell us more about the 'Uranium plantar splice (Lewi Maneuver)'? I haven't heard of this before. This technique sounds advanced and dangerous. When did you first use it?

I am impressed that you have been able to keep up with the latest techniques in medical research such as cross-species cell implants and ESWT. How does one keep abreast of the latest advances in medicine when dead?

I had noticed before that your x-wives are extremely hateful, even in death. You must have been very tolerant to have married such hate so many times. But so many break-ups leads me to believe you may not have read the advice of Bernard Bernard's seminal 'A Complete Book of Sex Knowledge' (Health and Life Publications 1930's) where we find such passages as 'The humane man will not burden his wife with too frequent pregnancies' and 'Some women are cruelly torn and mutilated by ignorant husbands, whom they can only regard as ravenous beasts of passion' and 'It is the husband's place to woo and entice his wife to want him'. You may counter that your wives would have also done well to read 'She will learn, for her part, that she is to respond, and if she does not know this the sympathetic husband will educate her up to it' and 'It is just as wicked to be ill as to masturbate'.

Do you have any wives in heaven, or do you reside in hell?

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Dr. Zuckerman on 3/11/01 at 09:18 (041019)

Could you tell us about some of the great woman in your life.. I know that you were married many times. Do you any life advice for DrZ in the world of feet and woman. I would like to live as long as you and always have be able to make woman smile. What is your secret? I have been told that there are three great woman in life. Did you ever meet them and why did you leave. ?

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

JudyS on 3/11/01 at 10:21 (041027)

There was actually only one GREAT woman in his life - but she has a hangover right now and can't muster up the grit to expose his MANY falsehoods in the above diatribes. Later!
On the other hand.....I guess there was, at the very least, one other great woman in his life......well, maybe two. Perhaps they'd be willing to speak for me today whilst I take myself back to my quilts......

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

wendyn on 3/11/01 at 11:27 (041032)

Oh Judy Judy Judy...we just never learn do we? Somewhat reassuring to know that there are others besides myself who have still not quite grasped the evil reprucussions of the ocassional excess in life. It always seems rather harmless at the time. I image that you were drowning your sorrows with Bob G, commiserating over the emptiness in your life since the good Dr Lewi departed our material world.

If he were here, I'm sure that Dr Lewi would recommend the gold standard of hangover cures; plenty of rest, fluids, self-pity, and if you can stomach it...healthy doses of emu-oil to be taken at 20 minute intervals throughout the day.

I think you should take the 'After' picture this morning and post it along with the lovely 'Before' picture of last night.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

JudyS on 3/11/01 at 11:44 (041036)

Rule number one in the Life of JudyS - NO 'after' pictures!
It was all BobG's fault anyway.
Thank goodness my next door neighbor has several emus.....
he does, really! And they're very noisy. Especially today.

Re: An Interview with Dr. Huey Lewi

Chimp Implant Victim on 3/12/01 at 16:55 (041183)

What he doesn't know won't hurt him! I am the spoken-of chimp-implant patient he so carelessly leaves hanging from the ceiling of this dirty, dusty and dank basement ah-choo! He thinks I don't know how to get down when he leaves. He carelessly leaves his terminal on and I am free to communicate at will. After being tortured first with Daveys Old Basson, he used a shrimp fork to slice open my foot from the toes to the ankle. Then removed my heel, spur and all, and then he took someone's pet chimp (the ogre) and removed his chin and replaced my disfunctioning heel with it. So far, I have no change in the pain level I'm experiencing, but I have these irrestible urges to hang by my toes from the ceiling and to eat whatever mashed bananas I can pick out of the ungrateful cad's leftover gruel. How he loves his gruel. Of course, I can only walk around on my hands.

He then implanted my bum heel into the chimp's chin area. Somewhere here in Woodbury is a chimp with a bummer of a chin with a very large spur sticking out of it! I heard on Davey's old radio upstairs that the chimp is wanted for the murder of a few of the neighbor's pets. He alledegley sliced open his victims with my old heel spur and brought back their organs for Dr. Lewi to use in his labratory. If anyone sees this chimp, they should approach him only with extreme caution!