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We are some kind of fat

Posted by Scott R on 8/10/01 at 09:34 (056151)

I DON'T MEAN we are getting a bit thick around the middle, or that we are pleasantly plump, or that we are zaftig, or Rubenesque (we are Reuben-esque), or settling into our bodies. I mean we are fat, fat, fat. It's true: as a people, we have never been this fat. Probably, no people has ever been this fat. We are billowing immensities of avoirdupois, great, soft bins of finest quality lard, a nation of wide loads wallowing down the highway of life.
We have thighs that look like sacks of parkerhouse rolls. We have stomachs that can shelter entire kindergartens from the glare of the noonday sun. Our bottoms dwarf the seats of our poor suffering chairs as the mind of God dwarfs the mind of man. We do not walk; we shake, jiggle and roll. We are Moby-Dick, the great white whale; we are Dumbo; we are countless refutations of the claim that no man is an island.

Re: We are some kind of fat

Linda B. on 8/10/01 at hrmin (056173)

Some of us are fat, and some of us are trying to keep the nasty rolls away.

It's my belief that high-impact aerobics contributed to my heel spurs - it's like darned if you do, darned if you don't!

Re: We are some kind of fat

john a on 8/10/01 at 12:22 (056184)

Gee Scott, you're kind of ranting here (though quite poetically, I might add). What's up? Some big fat fellow steal your girl from you? Or do you need to lay off the vitamin C and DMSO for a bit? :-) :-) :-)

Re: We are some kind of fat

anon on 8/10/01 at 12:37 (056188)

Yea, I liked your last leery but lordly lean letter of light-hearted lip
louting the liberal but liable lifting of a laureate's lasting linguistic
lemma and laud lashing our lazy leisurely leaden leaderless laypeople,
levitating legumes, lima beans, lambchops, lifesavers, libations (lager,
likely) and leverythingelse to their lips like lemmings on a long lark-like
liason with a ledge on large legs leading to lasting LDL laceration of their lifes-liquid labrynth without least-wise learning the league of laboratory labels and leaflets legitimizing lean lipsmacking and leaving large leftovers for latter-day lilliputian lunches leading to letting them leap into leotards like leopards lest lewd but luscious light-hearted leading ladies and linemen never look upon their lillies and linen laying out longitudinally level and lingeringly on love-seats and linoleum literally liquified by love-making locked with long .... and lotus-like .... in lustful lunacy luckily lured in loopily by a liquified lucifer and lullabies with lyrics under lowered luminous light.

Re: We are some kind of fat

Nancy N on 8/10/01 at 17:27 (056229)

Wow, anon... that's a pretty impressibe bit of alliteration you have there!

Re: We are some kind of fat

Ed Davis, DPM on 8/10/01 at hrmin (056255)

Its our lifestyle. Fast food. Too much driving and not enough walking.

I visited Rome in 1995--amazed how thin people were there compared to USA.
Food there was not as tasty as back home. I like American pizza better. The only thing I can figure out is that pizza there was made with domestic cheese but we use imported cheese on ours.
Ed

Re: We are some kind of fat

Dr. Zuckerman on 8/10/01 at 21:14 (056256)

WE need to walk more but how can we are feet hurt.

Re: We are some kind of fat

Donna M on 8/17/01 at 23:29 (057063)

Anon, I also am impressed!! Felt like I was in Literature class again!!
One of the 'best' exercises, push away from the table!! (Or the refrigerator, or the cabinet, etc., lol!!)
There really is a new exercise machine, that I have been considering, called the Gazelle, by Tony Little. It imitates walking/skiing, but your feet are stationary on little platform type things and you hold on to handles that keep your balance and move your arms, as you do when walking or skiing. It really is neat!
There is also the Ab Doer, which you do while sitting. There are so many different pieces of exercise equipment out there that we could use, and they all aren't expensive!
I've got several different pieces of exercise equipment, but they don't seem to work! I thought if I walked by and sat on them occasionally, and dusted them on a regular basis, I would see some results!! But can you believe it~~none as of yet!! :)

Re: We are some kind of fat

Linda B. on 8/10/01 at hrmin (056173)

Some of us are fat, and some of us are trying to keep the nasty rolls away.

It's my belief that high-impact aerobics contributed to my heel spurs - it's like darned if you do, darned if you don't!

Re: We are some kind of fat

john a on 8/10/01 at 12:22 (056184)

Gee Scott, you're kind of ranting here (though quite poetically, I might add). What's up? Some big fat fellow steal your girl from you? Or do you need to lay off the vitamin C and DMSO for a bit? :-) :-) :-)

Re: We are some kind of fat

anon on 8/10/01 at 12:37 (056188)

Yea, I liked your last leery but lordly lean letter of light-hearted lip
louting the liberal but liable lifting of a laureate's lasting linguistic
lemma and laud lashing our lazy leisurely leaden leaderless laypeople,
levitating legumes, lima beans, lambchops, lifesavers, libations (lager,
likely) and leverythingelse to their lips like lemmings on a long lark-like
liason with a ledge on large legs leading to lasting LDL laceration of their lifes-liquid labrynth without least-wise learning the league of laboratory labels and leaflets legitimizing lean lipsmacking and leaving large leftovers for latter-day lilliputian lunches leading to letting them leap into leotards like leopards lest lewd but luscious light-hearted leading ladies and linemen never look upon their lillies and linen laying out longitudinally level and lingeringly on love-seats and linoleum literally liquified by love-making locked with long .... and lotus-like .... in lustful lunacy luckily lured in loopily by a liquified lucifer and lullabies with lyrics under lowered luminous light.

Re: We are some kind of fat

Nancy N on 8/10/01 at 17:27 (056229)

Wow, anon... that's a pretty impressibe bit of alliteration you have there!

Re: We are some kind of fat

Ed Davis, DPM on 8/10/01 at hrmin (056255)

Its our lifestyle. Fast food. Too much driving and not enough walking.

I visited Rome in 1995--amazed how thin people were there compared to USA.
Food there was not as tasty as back home. I like American pizza better. The only thing I can figure out is that pizza there was made with domestic cheese but we use imported cheese on ours.
Ed

Re: We are some kind of fat

Dr. Zuckerman on 8/10/01 at 21:14 (056256)

WE need to walk more but how can we are feet hurt.

Re: We are some kind of fat

Donna M on 8/17/01 at 23:29 (057063)

Anon, I also am impressed!! Felt like I was in Literature class again!!
One of the 'best' exercises, push away from the table!! (Or the refrigerator, or the cabinet, etc., lol!!)
There really is a new exercise machine, that I have been considering, called the Gazelle, by Tony Little. It imitates walking/skiing, but your feet are stationary on little platform type things and you hold on to handles that keep your balance and move your arms, as you do when walking or skiing. It really is neat!
There is also the Ab Doer, which you do while sitting. There are so many different pieces of exercise equipment out there that we could use, and they all aren't expensive!
I've got several different pieces of exercise equipment, but they don't seem to work! I thought if I walked by and sat on them occasionally, and dusted them on a regular basis, I would see some results!! But can you believe it~~none as of yet!! :)