Home The Book Dr Articles Products Message Boards Journal Articles Search Our Surveys Surgery ESWT Dr Messages Find Good Drs video

Family and Friends suck

Posted by Scott R on 9/25/01 at 13:33 (061523)

Does anyone have horror or pity stories about how they've been mistreated/abused/ridiculed/ostracised by their family and/or friends and/or co-workers? If some good stuff is posted, I'll add it to the book.

Re: Family and Friends suck

D.Thomas on 9/25/01 at 13:51 (061525)

I don't have any good stories but the consistent thing I see day in and day out is that they do not understand PF and the pain it creates. Everyday, everyone around me thinks I am making this up or that I am a baby and can't handle pain. I should be able to pick up my pants and continue with pain.

I do remember one time I was explaining PF to a friend of my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law just spurts out that I don't know what pain is and she has had pain for 20 years. Like I was trying to be in a contest with her or something. Why can't people just accept that this illness is very painful and takes time to heal? I think it's as simple as people cannot see anything on the outside; therefore, they assume it's all in your head.

Best quote of all time was from a podiatrist I was seeing, 'You need to stop thinking about it'. Ah, it doesn't get any better than that.

Re: Family and Friends suck

Pauline on 9/25/01 at 13:55 (061526)

Scott,
The trick is making the right selections and knowing even if you guessed wrong you have the power to make better choices over and over again. Sure people suck from time to time, but you don't have to stay in those relationships enabling them to continue to mistreat,abuse,or ridicule you. Gather up your winnings and move on. I'd much rather see you write a chapter on empowerment rather than failure. Sorry your having such a bad day.

Re: Family and Friends suck

paula on 9/25/01 at 15:43 (061533)

be in a wheelchair for a year, then see how people suck. i've never been so abused in so many ways in my life. (there have been a few kind folks, like many of the folks here)

Re: Family and Friends suck

Scott R on 9/25/01 at 16:47 (061538)

Pauline, the title was meant to be humor. I'm having a great day. We don't choose family. We can't move on if we can't walk to find a new job. If there are no winnings or inheritance, there is no chance to move on.

Re: Family and Friends suck

Laura S. on 9/25/01 at 17:00 (061539)

'cut it off and get a new one on ebay!'
It wasn't mean or anything...just cute

Re: To Scott: Family and Friends suck

Pauline on 9/25/01 at 18:08 (061543)

Scott,
Guess I missed your humor, sorry. Your right we can't choose family, but you certainly can choose whether to continue a relationship with them provided your of legal age. I think we move on in our lives everyday a little at a time. That's why we come to heelspurs for the strength to move on even if it's only one step forward. Although there may be no monetary winnings, I think we all are winners because of your site. We found another family, we gain encouragement and eventually we win our battle against P.F. My answer may not fit in with what you were looking for, but it still has its merits and besides you didn't say 'humorous answers only' for those of us who really don't know you very well. Glad your having a better day than I thought.

Re: Family and Friends suck

Tammie on 9/25/01 at 18:11 (061546)

Hubby tells the dr., says if you had amputated it by now she would have known how to use the prothesis and she would have been back to work.Today, I was reminded by co workers that one of the girls had heart surgery and almost died on table twice with results of another surgery and she was back to work in 6 mnths,how come they did'nt just put on a band aide for you and then send you to a shrink. This last one was told to me today while I payed a visit to my work, it was meant to be funny but do u find it funny?In some ways it is as that is how people really think, they cannot at all comprehend the time frames involved with this at all, and the surgery well it has been 3 weeks , You know you are supposed to be up walking around, when you sit to much it will never get better, get up and move do some jumping jacks and some streches now quit babying yourself,or you will always have a excuse to not have to walk and use your feet. LOl this is what you hear from normal people who know nothing.

And I must add to this I work in a medical area, among nurses and therapists and house Dr.s. People we might think would have somewhat of a clue!
I like it when you say pf and they say oh you mean planters warts not pf honey pw oh geee, RNs saying they dont even know what it is, what did the dr. make it up cause he couldnt find anything? Carpal tunnel in your what????? No you mean in your wrist, no never heard of tarsal tunnel u must have misunderstood.LOL yes I can laugh as they are just uninformed people and I think untill it is out and heard of more we will hear many more coments like this!

My own mom calls almost every day and says is it better yet? Oh yea mom I was out jogging today it felt so good,the boot was a bit heavy to run with tho, oh my the thoughts that go thru our minds in answering the questions.

One more my daughter recently told me, well mom you don't have to take time off work you choose to do it and why can't you just work with it,
You know it does not hurt, you just like your long vacation,you made that choice so quit pretending and get a life.

Re: Nicely said

Tammie on 9/25/01 at 18:13 (061547)

Very well put!!!About the family feeling here and the wonderful site!

Re: Family and Friends suck

nancy s. on 9/25/01 at 18:26 (061551)

tammie, you are truly a wonder -- with that kind of 'support' at home, you still come here and spread love and encouragement everywhere. i salute you and admire you for it. i hope you get the support you richly deserve soon.
i've been very lucky, i don't know why -- since my foot problems began in may 1999, i've had next to no lack of understanding from friends and family. most have been very supportive and i'll be forever grateful. i did get the occasional comment on the street, like the guy who passed me on the sidewalk when i was in an aircast and said quietly with a twinkle, 'i'll race ya.' i kind of appreciated the lightness of it, to tell you the truth, because the rest of the time i was feeling deeply depressed. so i was open to any joke, as long as it wasn't mean, and his wasn't meant to be mean, i could tell.
actually, now i do remember that one friend made a not-welcome joke, but fortunately i forget what it was.... whoops, now i remember. she came and saw me in the cast for the first time, after over a year of pf, and she said, 'you might as well go lie down in the middle of the road and hope a truck comes soon.' i think she meant to be empathetic, but it didn't exactly brighten my day!
keep on hangin' on, tammie.
nancy

Re: I understand...

Suzanne D on 9/25/01 at 19:41 (061572)

Tammie, as I was writing Saturday, it IS so very frustrating to be hurting and have people you care about and have even been sympathetic toward just act like, 'Well, why can't you just get over it?' Or, 'Maybe if you just got it off your mind...' And how do you exactly do that when it is throbbing and hurting so much??

The plain truth (it seems to me) is that most people are just not that sympathetic. They want help and attention when they hurt, but then they seem oblivious to others' pain. The caring and sympathetic are in the minority, but then all it takes is the light from a few candles to dispell a room full of darkness...

Keep on burning that candle! :-)

Re: I am fine

Tammie on 9/25/01 at 20:17 (061577)

Really I am ok, just sharing some of the stupid things people say,They mean it to be funny or humorus, to maybe break the ice.
My hubby and dr. had a great laugh over the amputation, and what could you do but laugh to, as it is frustrating to them as well as us!
Hubby was making his point that this seems like a longggggg time and why isnt there a quicker way to fix a problem that you cant see.
He on the whole is a good sort and has been very good to me considering his own pains.
The people at work well they are a bit ignorant on this foot stuff and feel like gee nothing to see really, and been so very long, and she is
not that old to have thease problems soooo has to be in the head or a way to have a free vacation and sympathy. Sometimes it irritates me
but most of the time it hurts my feelings and makes me stronger in the fact I will get well and I will be back and will show everyone I am not a
wimp! Then other times I just laugh and go with the flow, and add a few funny comments to it.
I think it is the hardest when it comes from your family as they are the ones you care for and give your total support to, tho I guess
they to just cannot imagine what it is like, a few days after a surgery and even weeks, but then when you are not jumping around,
well they just don't understand why? LOL even I don't so how can I expect them to! I would never have believed just how long
thease puppies take to heal. My poor feet , I abused them for so long and never gave them a thought and to know what a pod Dr. was
gee thought they cut toe nails yow, I am so sorry, I was ignorant also, but have learned much. I wasn't looking for sympathy really
just sharing some stories about peoples ignorance to our plight! I am a fighter for sure and yea things hurt but someone told me once
be careful of what you say as it may come back to cause you the pain you inflict on others! I sure hope I havent caused anyone pain!
Or inflicted pain on anyone else either!

Re: Family and Friends suck

matts on 9/25/01 at 21:20 (061583)

After being in pain for almost year with PF and tendonitis, I finally decided to take Dr. advice and give foot a complete rest by using crutches and a cast before considering surgery. A coworker said to me, 'wow that must really be hard being on crutches when you are not really hurting'!! I did not know how to respond other than to say it was good not to hurt for a while. Total lack of understanding of the problem.

Re: Family and Friends suck

wendyn on 9/25/01 at 22:29 (061594)

Scott, I have posted quite often about the stupid/annoying comments made by friends, coworkers and family. Most of them are well-meaning...but after you hear a question or a comment for the zillionth time - it starts to grate on your nerves. I have developed standard answers to many of them...most I verbalize...some I just think to myself. Depends on the day, and maybe the time of the month?

After almost 3 years with this (TTS) I've learned that the less discussed with most people...the better. Best to end the conversation before it get's started....especially with strangers and people I hardly know.

Q 'Why are you limping?'
A My feet hurt

Q 'Why do your feet hurt?'
A It's a long story

Q 'No, really - why do your feet really hurt?'
A No really - it's a really long story.

Q 'Like carpal tunnel in your feet? Hey - maybe you shouldn't type so much with your feet!!!? Ha ha ha!'
A That was pretty funny - you make that up all by yourself?

Q 'Have you seen a doctor?'
A A doctor? Hey - I hadn't thought of that!
A No, I've thought maybe a dental surgeon, or maybe a seamstress...but I hadn't considered a doctor.

Q. 'Did you know some people say Birks are so ugly - they're a form of birth-control?'
A. That's pretty funny - you make that up all by yourself?
A. Come a little closer - and let me show you how they can also be used as a weapon.

Q. 'Do your feet hurt again?'
A. No - they hurt still.

Q. 'Going to the beach?' (Only asked in the winter when I'm wearing Birks)
A. That was pretty funny the first 107 times I heard it.
A. That's pretty funny - you make that up yourself?
A.

Q. 'Are your feet ever going to get better?'
A. I sure hope so.

Q. 'Have you ever heard of orthotics?'
A.

I know there are others..but that's all that come to mind right now...I guess with better feeling feet - I've forgotten a lot!

Re: Family and Friends suck

CatherineL on 9/26/01 at 08:22 (061610)

When I get the 'Do your feet hurt'

My usual reply is that if the chopped off my feet, it would probably be less painful and easier to recover from!

But overall, everyone is very supportive. I have great friends, co-workers, boss and family.

CL

Re: My mother-in-law said to my wife......

Steve P on 9/26/01 at 10:27 (061621)

My mother-in-law said to my wife......

'If Steve doesn't stop walking that way he'll never get better!'

Re: Family and Friends suck

ellen w on 9/26/01 at 11:41 (061626)

Wendyn,

I was falling on the floor with laughter when I read this.

To the questions, I would add:

Q Well what are you doing about it?
Q Well don't you think you should do something about it?
Q When are you going to do something about it?
Q What does your doctor say?
Q Your doctor must have some advice.
Q Isn't there anything you can do?
Q What did you do that caused this?
Q How much longer is this going to last?
Q If you don't exercise it (rest it... soak it... whatever..) it won't get better.

Usually followed by some 'helpful' advice.

Not as bad as some of yours, or some the comments Tammy has fielded, but boy am I tired of it. There is a strong undercurrent of 'it must be your fault somehow' in a lot of the comments.

ellen

Re: Dealing with family and friends

Beverly on 9/26/01 at 12:44 (061629)

I've had a mixed bag with family and friends. My Dad has been great... has bent over backwards... wouldn't have half the shoes I've tried if he hadn't kept sending me money to keep trying new treatments... the ones
not covered by insurance... like orthodics, shoes, and massage. There is no way I could have afforded those 'extra's' without Dad's generosity.

As for the rest of my family and friends, they just don't get it. Most have been fairly sympathetic but it is beyond their comprehension that my feet and ankles could be such an ongoing problem. Many have had knee replacements or arthritis. Their knees are in tip top shape post surgery and modern drugs have done wonders for their arthritis. So, it is hard for them to understand why I still have this and why I am still limited in activities.

But one thing I have learned over time is to try to keep any conversation about it to a minimum. No one wants to know all the details. This is something I've had to learn. And I am never better reminded of it than when I encounter someone who wants to tell me every nitty gritty detail about their health woes. So, I try to give enough info. to explain why I can't do this or that but refrain from details. That is why it is so wonderful to have all of you.

Beverly

Re: finally, some humor around here!

elliott on 9/26/01 at 12:52 (061631)

There's just not enough. Thanks for the needed laugh. Lotta truth in them; been thru that.

I am currently wearing nonmatching shoes (yes, it's a really, really long story), so I have to be prepared for the inevitable

Q. Why are you wearing nonmatching shoes?

A. I've just gotta stop dressing in the dark.
A. I think you need to see an eye doctor.
A. They look better than Birks.

Re: For Ellen - suggested responses.

wendyn on 9/26/01 at 19:58 (061675)

Q Well what are you doing about it?
A. I figure if I ignore it long enough it will go away.
A. What do you suggest?
A. Amputate.
A. I was going to start wearing maxi pads on my feet - but I'm worried everyone will laugh.

Q Well don't you think you should do something about it?
A. No actually - chronic pain sort of grows on you.

Q When are you going to do something about it?
A. March 17, 2004

Q What does your doctor say?
A Not much really.
A Did you want to call and talk it over with him?

Q Your doctor must have some advice.
A Not really.

Q Isn't there anything you can do?
A. (An evil stare is appropriate)

Q What did you do that caused this?
A (A really evil stare is appropriate)

Q How much longer is this going to last?
A 6 years, 8 months, 4 days, 19 hours and 22 minutes.

Q If you don't exercise it (rest it... soak it... whatever..) it won't get better.
A Thank you for your medical advice - how much do I owe you?

Re: Dealing with family and friends

Anthony P on 9/26/01 at 22:43 (061698)

YOU people are too Funny ! I get it from the coworkers they say so were are
you going sking in July ? then the boss says so how is the sking vacation
BOSS : So you will be back to work next week ??????This is the part were
I'm leaving and not going back until I get better . The rude comments suck. Then I come home to all the great people at Scott's great web site. I thank you all for being here :) Anthony

Re: Family and Friends suck

Laurie R on 9/26/01 at 23:25 (061704)

This is my best one that just works my nevers ... People have said to me , you know you must be doing something wrong ,because your foot should be better by now. I have heard this a few times and it did really make me think I was doing something wrong. It just goes to show me that this is not my fault and I did nothing to cause what has happen to my foot .....

The sad thing is not to many people know what PF is . I always get on yeah plantar warts ..I say no I don't have plantar warts ,nor do I want them....

Laurie R

Re: Dealing with family and friends

Lisa C on 9/27/01 at 02:53 (061706)

I think that is good advice Beverly. I have probably given way more info then anyone wanted to hear in an attempt to 'justify' my loong lasting condition. Someone else posted this but it was said to me just the same:
'Your feet STILL hurt?'
'Can't they do something?'
I found these comments bothersome too:
'My friend had it and he changed shoes and he is fine'.
'I knew someone who had it and they were better in a month'.
When I think about it I am probably very defensive and maybe even a little crabby re: my feet. I am sure that people have no idea how their comments 'feel'.

Re: Suggested responses.

Glenn X on 9/27/01 at 16:08 (061753)

Not sure where to jump in on this thread. I'm on crutches and am perhaps a bit more obvious than some PF sufferers. People I know seem more than understanding even when they don't fully understand what's going on. Casual-nod folks are a bit less kind sometimes, but I think are basically well-intentioned. About the worst I hear is, 'are you still on those crutches?' Yep!

When people ask, 'what gives?' I avoid reference to PF. I usually describe it as badly torn ligaments in the bottom of my foot. It is sorta like that and seems to more easily register.

For new inquiries, 'How long have I been on crutches?' 'Several weeks.' (Actually 111, but that always leads to more conversation than I want to replay).
'When are you going to get off the crutches?' 'Soon.'
Shorter answers seem to shorten conversations about the topic. (Or maybe I just come across as grumpy or untalkative). But I'm glad to talk about anything else, and even this if it's genuinely important to them.

Friends and family know how and when to take a pulse check on my progress. And I've learned to occasionally give them a spontaneous update without waiting for the question.

Good friends too will ask twice, as in, (1) 'How's your foot, or how are you doing?' 'Better.' (2) 'How are you REALLY doing?' That always deserves a more complete and candid answer.

I've gotten a lot of laughs from this, and a companion post, which leads to a thought. In my dentist's office there's a copy of a book titled, 'Chicken Soup for the Dental Patient's Soul,' or some such. Like most of that series, it has cartoons, quotes, and short stories that are alternately hilarious, touching, and telling. Many a time reading through the posts of heelspurs I've felt there's such a book here too.

Re: For Ellen - suggested responses.

ellen w on 9/28/01 at 12:34 (061805)

smile, smile, smile,
ellen

Re: Family and Friends suck

Jill P on 9/28/01 at 19:36 (061832)

OMG, this is too funny! WendyN, you had me ROFL! I laughed so hard out loud when I read the maxi pad comment but now that you have said that, I am thinking about trying it, LOL! Just kidding!

Well I am no where as funny as Wendy or some of you but I had to tell Lisa that I have heard so many of those comments about 'so and so' had that and was better in a few weeks or it was gone in a month. (Wow, wasn't 'so and so' lucky! I have had this over 2 1/2 years now!) I also get the 'so and so' did 'such and such' and it went away. Been there done that to just about every possible 'such and such' but mine is still here.

People who know I have feet problems ask frequently and it almost makes me feel guilty that I can't say it's gone or almost gone. Guess some day they will quit asking.

The worst has to be when someone is interested and I explain and as soon as they hear 'plantar' they start telling me that they have had plantar warts too. UGH! Sometimes I explain and sometimes if I don't know them well and probably won't see them again, I will just let them think they get it.

BTW, to the guy on the crutches, I was on them for about 8 weeks after having ESWT and I got all those questions about how long I was going to be on them too. I just told them until I don't need them! Does get frustrating though because it's not like you are loving having to use them and to have to be reminded again and again gets old.

Re: Family and Friends suck

D.Thomas on 9/25/01 at 13:51 (061525)

I don't have any good stories but the consistent thing I see day in and day out is that they do not understand PF and the pain it creates. Everyday, everyone around me thinks I am making this up or that I am a baby and can't handle pain. I should be able to pick up my pants and continue with pain.

I do remember one time I was explaining PF to a friend of my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law just spurts out that I don't know what pain is and she has had pain for 20 years. Like I was trying to be in a contest with her or something. Why can't people just accept that this illness is very painful and takes time to heal? I think it's as simple as people cannot see anything on the outside; therefore, they assume it's all in your head.

Best quote of all time was from a podiatrist I was seeing, 'You need to stop thinking about it'. Ah, it doesn't get any better than that.

Re: Family and Friends suck

Pauline on 9/25/01 at 13:55 (061526)

Scott,
The trick is making the right selections and knowing even if you guessed wrong you have the power to make better choices over and over again. Sure people suck from time to time, but you don't have to stay in those relationships enabling them to continue to mistreat,abuse,or ridicule you. Gather up your winnings and move on. I'd much rather see you write a chapter on empowerment rather than failure. Sorry your having such a bad day.

Re: Family and Friends suck

paula on 9/25/01 at 15:43 (061533)

be in a wheelchair for a year, then see how people suck. i've never been so abused in so many ways in my life. (there have been a few kind folks, like many of the folks here)

Re: Family and Friends suck

Scott R on 9/25/01 at 16:47 (061538)

Pauline, the title was meant to be humor. I'm having a great day. We don't choose family. We can't move on if we can't walk to find a new job. If there are no winnings or inheritance, there is no chance to move on.

Re: Family and Friends suck

Laura S. on 9/25/01 at 17:00 (061539)

'cut it off and get a new one on ebay!'
It wasn't mean or anything...just cute

Re: To Scott: Family and Friends suck

Pauline on 9/25/01 at 18:08 (061543)

Scott,
Guess I missed your humor, sorry. Your right we can't choose family, but you certainly can choose whether to continue a relationship with them provided your of legal age. I think we move on in our lives everyday a little at a time. That's why we come to heelspurs for the strength to move on even if it's only one step forward. Although there may be no monetary winnings, I think we all are winners because of your site. We found another family, we gain encouragement and eventually we win our battle against P.F. My answer may not fit in with what you were looking for, but it still has its merits and besides you didn't say 'humorous answers only' for those of us who really don't know you very well. Glad your having a better day than I thought.

Re: Family and Friends suck

Tammie on 9/25/01 at 18:11 (061546)

Hubby tells the dr., says if you had amputated it by now she would have known how to use the prothesis and she would have been back to work.Today, I was reminded by co workers that one of the girls had heart surgery and almost died on table twice with results of another surgery and she was back to work in 6 mnths,how come they did'nt just put on a band aide for you and then send you to a shrink. This last one was told to me today while I payed a visit to my work, it was meant to be funny but do u find it funny?In some ways it is as that is how people really think, they cannot at all comprehend the time frames involved with this at all, and the surgery well it has been 3 weeks , You know you are supposed to be up walking around, when you sit to much it will never get better, get up and move do some jumping jacks and some streches now quit babying yourself,or you will always have a excuse to not have to walk and use your feet. LOl this is what you hear from normal people who know nothing.

And I must add to this I work in a medical area, among nurses and therapists and house Dr.s. People we might think would have somewhat of a clue!
I like it when you say pf and they say oh you mean planters warts not pf honey pw oh geee, RNs saying they dont even know what it is, what did the dr. make it up cause he couldnt find anything? Carpal tunnel in your what????? No you mean in your wrist, no never heard of tarsal tunnel u must have misunderstood.LOL yes I can laugh as they are just uninformed people and I think untill it is out and heard of more we will hear many more coments like this!

My own mom calls almost every day and says is it better yet? Oh yea mom I was out jogging today it felt so good,the boot was a bit heavy to run with tho, oh my the thoughts that go thru our minds in answering the questions.

One more my daughter recently told me, well mom you don't have to take time off work you choose to do it and why can't you just work with it,
You know it does not hurt, you just like your long vacation,you made that choice so quit pretending and get a life.

Re: Nicely said

Tammie on 9/25/01 at 18:13 (061547)

Very well put!!!About the family feeling here and the wonderful site!

Re: Family and Friends suck

nancy s. on 9/25/01 at 18:26 (061551)

tammie, you are truly a wonder -- with that kind of 'support' at home, you still come here and spread love and encouragement everywhere. i salute you and admire you for it. i hope you get the support you richly deserve soon.
i've been very lucky, i don't know why -- since my foot problems began in may 1999, i've had next to no lack of understanding from friends and family. most have been very supportive and i'll be forever grateful. i did get the occasional comment on the street, like the guy who passed me on the sidewalk when i was in an aircast and said quietly with a twinkle, 'i'll race ya.' i kind of appreciated the lightness of it, to tell you the truth, because the rest of the time i was feeling deeply depressed. so i was open to any joke, as long as it wasn't mean, and his wasn't meant to be mean, i could tell.
actually, now i do remember that one friend made a not-welcome joke, but fortunately i forget what it was.... whoops, now i remember. she came and saw me in the cast for the first time, after over a year of pf, and she said, 'you might as well go lie down in the middle of the road and hope a truck comes soon.' i think she meant to be empathetic, but it didn't exactly brighten my day!
keep on hangin' on, tammie.
nancy

Re: I understand...

Suzanne D on 9/25/01 at 19:41 (061572)

Tammie, as I was writing Saturday, it IS so very frustrating to be hurting and have people you care about and have even been sympathetic toward just act like, 'Well, why can't you just get over it?' Or, 'Maybe if you just got it off your mind...' And how do you exactly do that when it is throbbing and hurting so much??

The plain truth (it seems to me) is that most people are just not that sympathetic. They want help and attention when they hurt, but then they seem oblivious to others' pain. The caring and sympathetic are in the minority, but then all it takes is the light from a few candles to dispell a room full of darkness...

Keep on burning that candle! :-)

Re: I am fine

Tammie on 9/25/01 at 20:17 (061577)

Really I am ok, just sharing some of the stupid things people say,They mean it to be funny or humorus, to maybe break the ice.
My hubby and dr. had a great laugh over the amputation, and what could you do but laugh to, as it is frustrating to them as well as us!
Hubby was making his point that this seems like a longggggg time and why isnt there a quicker way to fix a problem that you cant see.
He on the whole is a good sort and has been very good to me considering his own pains.
The people at work well they are a bit ignorant on this foot stuff and feel like gee nothing to see really, and been so very long, and she is
not that old to have thease problems soooo has to be in the head or a way to have a free vacation and sympathy. Sometimes it irritates me
but most of the time it hurts my feelings and makes me stronger in the fact I will get well and I will be back and will show everyone I am not a
wimp! Then other times I just laugh and go with the flow, and add a few funny comments to it.
I think it is the hardest when it comes from your family as they are the ones you care for and give your total support to, tho I guess
they to just cannot imagine what it is like, a few days after a surgery and even weeks, but then when you are not jumping around,
well they just don't understand why? LOL even I don't so how can I expect them to! I would never have believed just how long
thease puppies take to heal. My poor feet , I abused them for so long and never gave them a thought and to know what a pod Dr. was
gee thought they cut toe nails yow, I am so sorry, I was ignorant also, but have learned much. I wasn't looking for sympathy really
just sharing some stories about peoples ignorance to our plight! I am a fighter for sure and yea things hurt but someone told me once
be careful of what you say as it may come back to cause you the pain you inflict on others! I sure hope I havent caused anyone pain!
Or inflicted pain on anyone else either!

Re: Family and Friends suck

matts on 9/25/01 at 21:20 (061583)

After being in pain for almost year with PF and tendonitis, I finally decided to take Dr. advice and give foot a complete rest by using crutches and a cast before considering surgery. A coworker said to me, 'wow that must really be hard being on crutches when you are not really hurting'!! I did not know how to respond other than to say it was good not to hurt for a while. Total lack of understanding of the problem.

Re: Family and Friends suck

wendyn on 9/25/01 at 22:29 (061594)

Scott, I have posted quite often about the stupid/annoying comments made by friends, coworkers and family. Most of them are well-meaning...but after you hear a question or a comment for the zillionth time - it starts to grate on your nerves. I have developed standard answers to many of them...most I verbalize...some I just think to myself. Depends on the day, and maybe the time of the month?

After almost 3 years with this (TTS) I've learned that the less discussed with most people...the better. Best to end the conversation before it get's started....especially with strangers and people I hardly know.

Q 'Why are you limping?'
A My feet hurt

Q 'Why do your feet hurt?'
A It's a long story

Q 'No, really - why do your feet really hurt?'
A No really - it's a really long story.

Q 'Like carpal tunnel in your feet? Hey - maybe you shouldn't type so much with your feet!!!? Ha ha ha!'
A That was pretty funny - you make that up all by yourself?

Q 'Have you seen a doctor?'
A A doctor? Hey - I hadn't thought of that!
A No, I've thought maybe a dental surgeon, or maybe a seamstress...but I hadn't considered a doctor.

Q. 'Did you know some people say Birks are so ugly - they're a form of birth-control?'
A. That's pretty funny - you make that up all by yourself?
A. Come a little closer - and let me show you how they can also be used as a weapon.

Q. 'Do your feet hurt again?'
A. No - they hurt still.

Q. 'Going to the beach?' (Only asked in the winter when I'm wearing Birks)
A. That was pretty funny the first 107 times I heard it.
A. That's pretty funny - you make that up yourself?
A.

Q. 'Are your feet ever going to get better?'
A. I sure hope so.

Q. 'Have you ever heard of orthotics?'
A.

I know there are others..but that's all that come to mind right now...I guess with better feeling feet - I've forgotten a lot!

Re: Family and Friends suck

CatherineL on 9/26/01 at 08:22 (061610)

When I get the 'Do your feet hurt'

My usual reply is that if the chopped off my feet, it would probably be less painful and easier to recover from!

But overall, everyone is very supportive. I have great friends, co-workers, boss and family.

CL

Re: My mother-in-law said to my wife......

Steve P on 9/26/01 at 10:27 (061621)

My mother-in-law said to my wife......

'If Steve doesn't stop walking that way he'll never get better!'

Re: Family and Friends suck

ellen w on 9/26/01 at 11:41 (061626)

Wendyn,

I was falling on the floor with laughter when I read this.

To the questions, I would add:

Q Well what are you doing about it?
Q Well don't you think you should do something about it?
Q When are you going to do something about it?
Q What does your doctor say?
Q Your doctor must have some advice.
Q Isn't there anything you can do?
Q What did you do that caused this?
Q How much longer is this going to last?
Q If you don't exercise it (rest it... soak it... whatever..) it won't get better.

Usually followed by some 'helpful' advice.

Not as bad as some of yours, or some the comments Tammy has fielded, but boy am I tired of it. There is a strong undercurrent of 'it must be your fault somehow' in a lot of the comments.

ellen

Re: Dealing with family and friends

Beverly on 9/26/01 at 12:44 (061629)

I've had a mixed bag with family and friends. My Dad has been great... has bent over backwards... wouldn't have half the shoes I've tried if he hadn't kept sending me money to keep trying new treatments... the ones
not covered by insurance... like orthodics, shoes, and massage. There is no way I could have afforded those 'extra's' without Dad's generosity.

As for the rest of my family and friends, they just don't get it. Most have been fairly sympathetic but it is beyond their comprehension that my feet and ankles could be such an ongoing problem. Many have had knee replacements or arthritis. Their knees are in tip top shape post surgery and modern drugs have done wonders for their arthritis. So, it is hard for them to understand why I still have this and why I am still limited in activities.

But one thing I have learned over time is to try to keep any conversation about it to a minimum. No one wants to know all the details. This is something I've had to learn. And I am never better reminded of it than when I encounter someone who wants to tell me every nitty gritty detail about their health woes. So, I try to give enough info. to explain why I can't do this or that but refrain from details. That is why it is so wonderful to have all of you.

Beverly

Re: finally, some humor around here!

elliott on 9/26/01 at 12:52 (061631)

There's just not enough. Thanks for the needed laugh. Lotta truth in them; been thru that.

I am currently wearing nonmatching shoes (yes, it's a really, really long story), so I have to be prepared for the inevitable

Q. Why are you wearing nonmatching shoes?

A. I've just gotta stop dressing in the dark.
A. I think you need to see an eye doctor.
A. They look better than Birks.

Re: For Ellen - suggested responses.

wendyn on 9/26/01 at 19:58 (061675)

Q Well what are you doing about it?
A. I figure if I ignore it long enough it will go away.
A. What do you suggest?
A. Amputate.
A. I was going to start wearing maxi pads on my feet - but I'm worried everyone will laugh.

Q Well don't you think you should do something about it?
A. No actually - chronic pain sort of grows on you.

Q When are you going to do something about it?
A. March 17, 2004

Q What does your doctor say?
A Not much really.
A Did you want to call and talk it over with him?

Q Your doctor must have some advice.
A Not really.

Q Isn't there anything you can do?
A. (An evil stare is appropriate)

Q What did you do that caused this?
A (A really evil stare is appropriate)

Q How much longer is this going to last?
A 6 years, 8 months, 4 days, 19 hours and 22 minutes.

Q If you don't exercise it (rest it... soak it... whatever..) it won't get better.
A Thank you for your medical advice - how much do I owe you?

Re: Dealing with family and friends

Anthony P on 9/26/01 at 22:43 (061698)

YOU people are too Funny ! I get it from the coworkers they say so were are
you going sking in July ? then the boss says so how is the sking vacation
BOSS : So you will be back to work next week ??????This is the part were
I'm leaving and not going back until I get better . The rude comments suck. Then I come home to all the great people at Scott's great web site. I thank you all for being here :) Anthony

Re: Family and Friends suck

Laurie R on 9/26/01 at 23:25 (061704)

This is my best one that just works my nevers ... People have said to me , you know you must be doing something wrong ,because your foot should be better by now. I have heard this a few times and it did really make me think I was doing something wrong. It just goes to show me that this is not my fault and I did nothing to cause what has happen to my foot .....

The sad thing is not to many people know what PF is . I always get on yeah plantar warts ..I say no I don't have plantar warts ,nor do I want them....

Laurie R

Re: Dealing with family and friends

Lisa C on 9/27/01 at 02:53 (061706)

I think that is good advice Beverly. I have probably given way more info then anyone wanted to hear in an attempt to 'justify' my loong lasting condition. Someone else posted this but it was said to me just the same:
'Your feet STILL hurt?'
'Can't they do something?'
I found these comments bothersome too:
'My friend had it and he changed shoes and he is fine'.
'I knew someone who had it and they were better in a month'.
When I think about it I am probably very defensive and maybe even a little crabby re: my feet. I am sure that people have no idea how their comments 'feel'.

Re: Suggested responses.

Glenn X on 9/27/01 at 16:08 (061753)

Not sure where to jump in on this thread. I'm on crutches and am perhaps a bit more obvious than some PF sufferers. People I know seem more than understanding even when they don't fully understand what's going on. Casual-nod folks are a bit less kind sometimes, but I think are basically well-intentioned. About the worst I hear is, 'are you still on those crutches?' Yep!

When people ask, 'what gives?' I avoid reference to PF. I usually describe it as badly torn ligaments in the bottom of my foot. It is sorta like that and seems to more easily register.

For new inquiries, 'How long have I been on crutches?' 'Several weeks.' (Actually 111, but that always leads to more conversation than I want to replay).
'When are you going to get off the crutches?' 'Soon.'
Shorter answers seem to shorten conversations about the topic. (Or maybe I just come across as grumpy or untalkative). But I'm glad to talk about anything else, and even this if it's genuinely important to them.

Friends and family know how and when to take a pulse check on my progress. And I've learned to occasionally give them a spontaneous update without waiting for the question.

Good friends too will ask twice, as in, (1) 'How's your foot, or how are you doing?' 'Better.' (2) 'How are you REALLY doing?' That always deserves a more complete and candid answer.

I've gotten a lot of laughs from this, and a companion post, which leads to a thought. In my dentist's office there's a copy of a book titled, 'Chicken Soup for the Dental Patient's Soul,' or some such. Like most of that series, it has cartoons, quotes, and short stories that are alternately hilarious, touching, and telling. Many a time reading through the posts of heelspurs I've felt there's such a book here too.

Re: For Ellen - suggested responses.

ellen w on 9/28/01 at 12:34 (061805)

smile, smile, smile,
ellen

Re: Family and Friends suck

Jill P on 9/28/01 at 19:36 (061832)

OMG, this is too funny! WendyN, you had me ROFL! I laughed so hard out loud when I read the maxi pad comment but now that you have said that, I am thinking about trying it, LOL! Just kidding!

Well I am no where as funny as Wendy or some of you but I had to tell Lisa that I have heard so many of those comments about 'so and so' had that and was better in a few weeks or it was gone in a month. (Wow, wasn't 'so and so' lucky! I have had this over 2 1/2 years now!) I also get the 'so and so' did 'such and such' and it went away. Been there done that to just about every possible 'such and such' but mine is still here.

People who know I have feet problems ask frequently and it almost makes me feel guilty that I can't say it's gone or almost gone. Guess some day they will quit asking.

The worst has to be when someone is interested and I explain and as soon as they hear 'plantar' they start telling me that they have had plantar warts too. UGH! Sometimes I explain and sometimes if I don't know them well and probably won't see them again, I will just let them think they get it.

BTW, to the guy on the crutches, I was on them for about 8 weeks after having ESWT and I got all those questions about how long I was going to be on them too. I just told them until I don't need them! Does get frustrating though because it's not like you are loving having to use them and to have to be reminded again and again gets old.