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Glenn

Posted by Carmen H on 10/05/01 at 07:35 (062277)

Hey Glenn! How ARE you?? How's the stretching regimen going?
carm

Re: Making progress

Glenn X on 10/06/01 at 13:09 (062388)

Carmen: Ankle angle continues to improve. Been on one crutch for close on a month. Still doing the 24 hour a day regimen of multiple stretching, tensioning, and strengthening, with occasional PT modalities. Dr. Ed is a great guide and partner in this rehab. Slow and steady headway is the aim and I think I'm in that groove ... with a fair amount of grooving yet ahead.

As angle improves, burning and tingling in bottoms of feet has lessened. Other things that help ME escape that particular discomfort are: thin, minimally-textured cotton socks, smoothe surface orthotics, snug shoes, no oral anti-inflammatories (they increase stinging for me), less caffeine, plenty of water, and sometimes taking more steps than I might need to in order to get past 'initial' and automatic pain messages from my feet to my brain, without overdoing it.

Alsov -- even though I'm doing a lot of treating, I think part of what's needed is to get into a routine that best serves the critical three: rest, flexibility, and strengthening -- and then let that routine do its work.

How you doing . . . ?

Re: Sounds good~

Carmen H on 10/08/01 at 07:20 (062455)

You souund like you are making progress...I am not so lucky. BUT I have TWO doctors concerned about me and wanting to send me on the right track to BETTTER.....that's more than I could say a couple months ago. I am pretty sure I am suffering from nerve damage all over my body (feet, hands, parts of the back, glutes) I have an EMG on Oct. 31st and a spinal epidural coming up.
ugh...I guess I better get over my fear of needles huh?
I am glad you are feeling better and headed in the right direction!!

Re: Nerve distress

Glenn X on 10/08/01 at 18:00 (062497)

Hi Carmen: Not long after I began my serious and almost continuous regimen of stretching and tensioning to increase ankle flexibility, I began feeling soreness elsewhere in my body. Neck, shoulders, wrists, occasionally lower back. RSI is a likely possibility. Two years on crutches and more desk work than I was accustomed to and all.

But I regularly wonder if the continuous tensioning isn't triggering body-repair or tendon/fascia rebuilding cells that roam throughout my bloodstream, teasing nerves, coursing into tendons and ligaments, settling into muscles, and otherwise 'aggravating' anything that might need a little attention. It's like I'm overdosed on something and my body needs a good flushing of toxins. I've been taking calcium and stuff to increase bone density and that too may be irritating.

A good aerobics workout every day would probably help, but I'm a bit too sore for that.

However, my foot is better, so I'm sticking to my routine until I'm off crutches completely. I'll then ease into a less ambitious flexibility-maintenance mode, and a more ambitious exercise routine, and I expect other aches to lessen then.

Tomorrow I see Dr. Ed for new orthotics. I expect that will help a lot too.

I'm not sure what kinds of meds or other orals you've taken, or are taking, and I know very little about this arena. But you too sound like something's coursing through your body aggravating things.

I appreciate too that just DEALING with all this stuff, as well as attending to events in the world of late, can be stressful and 'aggravating.'

Sometimes the simpler path is the more fruitful??? I wish there were more I could suggest.

Re: Glenn

Carmen H on 10/09/01 at 07:51 (062525)

Sounds like a possibility Glenn! Iam going to mention all of this to my Neuro. She is very helpful and takes time for me (at least she did hte first day and they call me back the same day when I call with questions).
I also thought of the idea that I was used to exercising vigorously every day and now I do nothing. Nothing at all b/c my feet burn so bad I am scare to try until after EMG testing and blood work returns to rule out EXTREME things like disease in the blood etc.
I do have CTS in both wrists but it isn't BAD....just have to wear my wrist guards during hte day and at night but after working all day with them on I remove them for awhile and get some 'exercise in my wrists' while cooking dinner and stuff. So it has helped for sure.
I appreciate your input and hate that you are on crutches. You have a great attitude though and a positive outlook...if this stuff continues with me I only Hope I can be as optimistic.

Re: Optimism on the River

Glenn X on 10/10/01 at 11:04 (062635)

Hey Carmen: I do count myself upbeat and optimistic. Have been most of my life. I EXPECT to get better.

But I've had many a dark hour with this condition, And even now, each setback, however minor, raises the knawing fear of permament disability ... if just for moments.

Underneath each trickle of uncertainty though is a deeper river of inner strength that this 3-plus year struggle has helped my discover and tap into.

We all have this resource, though maybe we all don't have the opportunity to test its potential.

What helps me most pass 'the test' (repeatedly) are the stories, the courage, and the openness of people who share their journeys on this web site. Wendy N and John H and Julie and Scott R come most immediately to mind. They've persevered well past many a dark moment, and their success (and the success of many others I've read about here) provide me unflagging hope and optimism -- as I'm sure it does for others.

We are sort of all on the same river here on heelspurs, travelling in a fair number of boats, sometimes against the current, sometimes with. Many have maneuvered the rapids before. Some share the same boat. The docs are the river guides.

People such as yourself (and Tammie and Barb and Mike and Cindy and dozens of others), who are more immediately engaged in the journey, and are perhaps more wet than those in the lead boats, I see as my fellow paddlers. We're getting the hang of it. We just have to keep dipping our paddles in the water until our muscles are toned, our course corrections are automatic, the boat's pointed in the right direction, we've learned the turns in the river, and we're gaining on the lead paddlers; who are mostly just floating along now, enjoying the sun and the sounds and the sky. When we pass 'em by, let's give 'em a good splashing.

Re: Optimism on the River

John H on 10/10/01 at 12:15 (062643)

Glen: I know your feeling buddy! Each setback would really sink me into a hole. The more setbacks i had and the more comebacks i had led me to start to think that this is not forever. Even today after having the best 3-4 months in 7 years their lurks that little thought that i could have a big setback. As i have improved over the last several months i have managed to further and further remove the thoughts of my hurting feet from my mind. I may think of my feet a couple of minutes a day now whereas last year i spent 75% of time thinking about my feet. I think anything you can do to take your mind off of your feet will help you get better. That is no easy task. As i sat with Barb and Judy a few weeks ago having dinner i commented that my feet were the fartherest thing from my mind. You can become absorbed in good company and good conversation. I know many of you are hurting so much and are faced with taking care of children and your jobs it is near impossible to find a distraction but do not just lay down and let your mind be totally absorbed with your feet. I have been there and done that. It only makes it worse. After having jogged for 100 yards with no increase in pain i now have dreams of actually running 5K once again. It is only a dream but if i can go 100 yds why not 5000 meteres? I have always said i would consider myself cured the day i could run 5k in 30 minutes. I can live with where i am now but will not give up my goal of running 5k once again.

Re: Optimism on the River

Barbara TX on 10/10/01 at 14:07 (062661)

Glen - I hope I am allowed, if I drift by my former practitioners who laughed at my distress and prescribed crippling, poorly made orthotics from hell, to crack them over the head with my paddle? Or hold them underwater for a long, long time?

I probably do not qualify to be an optimist, but yours is a satisfying vision! B.

Re: Optimism on the River

Suzanne D on 10/10/01 at 17:46 (062678)

Thanks so much, Glenn! This was a beautiful way to describe your struggle and the victories you have obtained! I am thankful that in August I found you all along this rough river, and I am privileged to try to paddle along in the back of the pack with such courageous leaders!

:-) Keep up the good work. There are many following behind you on this river.

Re: Optimism on the River

Glenn X on 10/10/01 at 20:10 (062693)

John SenSei: You are so on the mark. I've read several of your messages about the importance and value of getting our thoughts off our feet. I've finally settled into a healing track that allows me to de-obsess some, and do just that. Gimping around on just one crutch is like a 5k for me, and verifies that my track is good and I don't need to figure things out so much.

Your dream of a 30-minute 5k inspires me to ponder and picture a similar goal for myself. That too will help me look forward instead of down at my feet.

Thank you much.

Re: Optimism on the River

Glenn X on 10/10/01 at 20:26 (062698)

Barb: Appreciate the image you suggest. There's a couple of heads needin' crackin' from my past too. One in particular had me on concrete orthotics for a year and a half with a firm caution against any stretching. I need to crack my own head a good one for sticking with him so long.

Yesterday I picked up orthotics Dr. Ed made for me. Like putting a Ferrari (as compared to a junkyard Chevy) on your feet. They look like a piece of fine art and feel like a custom-fitted cloud.

They ain't got me walkin yet, but the difference in quality is incredible. I can't begin to imagine why all orthotics aren't made in this manner.

As for optimism. I've learned from and enjoyed your posts for months. You must be a closet optimist.

Re: Optimism on the River

Glenn X on 10/10/01 at 20:41 (062701)

Thanks Suzanne: I'm reading 'Undaunted Courage,' the story of Merriweather Lewis (and Clark) adventuring the west. Just at the point where they put in on the Missouri to head upriver. That's probably where the metaphor came from.

Upriver's a tougher paddle than down. I think I'm at least moving with the current now. I've (we've) still got a long river ahead, and will no doubt have to portage around a bunch more obstacles.

And I'm going to let this analogy go now, except to offer a parting piece of advice to myself and anyone else on the river, 'Keep paddling.'

Re: Optimism on the River

Tammie on 10/10/01 at 21:33 (062706)

Glenn, You sound as tho you are handling things very good! I admire your posts and your continuing paddling!!!I like that it sound very positive and I for one am always looking for a it of that good sounding stuff!

Move over buddy, I am bringing my canoe right beside u and the currant may help me get threre a bit FASTER ! LOL This pain stuff can take a back seat for a while. I am tired of living only for hope. I am going in search of some other healing methods for more then my feet. I hope to meet all my friends at the home stretch and not in boots, or crutches or snowed out of my mind.

One problem here Glenn, I do not like water, I am not a huge water fan, so can it be very very shallow? HEhehehe.And if I dont see land I get a bit panicy. Hugssssssssss to u and keep going.

Re: Optimism on the River

Barbara TX on 10/11/01 at 08:33 (062723)

I'm not sure but I worry a great deal, constantly asking husband 'will I be okay?' and I have instructed him to answer yes of course. Whenever I begin to doubt I get very very depressed. Disconnecting mood from the status of my feet is my most difficult project.

Wonderful to have a helpful orthotic - and of course, Dr. Ed nearby. B.

Re: Optimism on the River

john h on 10/11/01 at 10:40 (062735)

Barb: just have happy thoughts and an occasional bourbon. Since Scott is from the academy do not look for much sympathy from him as they are used to 'grin and bear it'! Sometimes it just helps to yell out 'I am mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore!'

Re: Optimism on the River

Barbara TX on 10/11/01 at 10:59 (062738)

John - it has been a total re-education for Scott (my Scott), dealing with a person in pain. He thinks : 'I've got to FIX THIS NOW.' I think 'why can't he just sit here and let me cry on his shoulder and pat me on the head?' Sometimes things can't be easily fixed and you have to try to live with suffering. Now, after 2 years, he is worth of a 'Mr. Compassion' medal. He hasn't told me to get my neck back in a year. B.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

john h on 10/11/01 at 13:43 (062750)

'patience' is not one of the virtues you learn in the military. you learn to fix and act fast with results expected yesterday. Even after 7 years of this i am not a patient person which has resulted in me trying everthing from surgery to 4 ESWT treatments. I never will be a patient person it is not in my genes,

Re: Optimism on the River

Tammie on 10/11/01 at 18:01 (062784)

Hey Tammie: Shallow river water out here in the west is often rough water, and its always a lot more fun and exciting to 'float' through. So yes, we can do shallow, and we'll do it in a raft. They bounce better than canoes. Water out here is cold too. Nice to dangle feet in.

I read you're going back to work. Nurse's aide sounds like a lot of hard-floor walking. I trust you're able to EASE into things.

I'm totally pulling for you and want to be as encouraging as I can possibly be. TAKE ESPECIALLY THOUGHTFUL CARE OF YOURSELF.

Re: The "Tammie" message above is actually mine.

Glenn X on 10/11/01 at 18:03 (062785)

See subject

Re: well off to the rough water

tammie on 10/11/01 at 18:22 (062788)

Thanks Glenn, I like a bit of adventure,and dont mind a few bumps on the way just dont let me fall in and drown.I think I would like to use the good people here as life perservers heheh.

Yes the work is tough on the feet, but you see things have got to a point where I have to return to work, or could lose much more then money at this point.Family matters is all I can say. I am truly hoping I am up to thease rough waters and can ride some of it out with a good outcome.

My employers and my dr. are going to try and help make this as easy as they can on me. I just hope they will for as long as I truly need it and dont bail out on me after the first few days if u know what i mean.I also hope I can stand the pains as i will have to wear my shoe even if my foot hates it, which darn it am still having trouble with it. I am wondering what might happen if I wear my cam boot part and shoe part time If I cant stand shoe on. In any case off we go friend. I feel better that I don't have to go it alone, I have all of my good friends here to throw me a life perserver!

Now be sure to watch for my bobbing head lol! Hugs to u and thanks for the words! First day back is this Sunday morning at 5 am , think of me !

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

Barbara TX on 10/11/01 at 18:33 (062790)

I am patient by training, but not by nature. Having little children has made me much more patient and understanding. It is not that I can't wait to get better - it is the nagging feeling that I won't. It hits me in the middle of the night and the morning when I wake up. That is a very painful time. Very hard to describe... something like anxiety or the feeling that I am all alone and no one will be able to help or understand me. I am sure that this is commom, but that doesn't make me feel any better!

What does make me feel better is the funny six-year old jokes going around our house:

What do you call a piece of cheese that someone lends you?
Nacho cheese.

How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a very tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.

My three year old is now saying 'rats!' every time she does not get her way, which is funny too. B.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

john h on 10/12/01 at 09:37 (062821)

barb: i know 'exactly' the feeling you get when you think you will never get better. i know exactly the 'anxiety' that goes with it. it is very easy to go into the panic attack mode when these feelings occur. i posted once before that i have never heard of ANYONE who had PF forever. grab on to any life preservers you can for the time being. like me, at some point and for some reason you will get better. I have had 4 ESWT treatments and after many years, i am very much better than i was, so i know this is not forever. i also know that i can head back to new jersey for another ESWT treatment, as i think this treatment does help. it may take one treatment or it may take 10 treatments. i will do whatever it takes. i well remember when i almost hated waking up in the morning and having to deal with my hurting feet all day. i had my job, which helped becaused it provided a diversion. i think you stay at home mom's have it tougher than us men because you are very much confined to your house and kids all day and are much more prone to foucs on your feet. i do not know if your are still on your crutches barb but my thoughts are the sooner you can get off of them the better as your muscles and lack of use of a foot can lead to other problems. i, of course, do not know how much pain you deal with but suspect it is very bad and perhaps you have no choice but to remain on the crutches. when i was on crutches, my wrist and under my arms begin to hurt more than my feet. I have not heard how you are feeling after the treatment of your neuroma and would like to know what is happening after that treatment.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

Barbara TX on 10/12/01 at 11:40 (062848)

John - you are are rock. Never let Dick Cheney tell you that you are second in line. I do hang on to your experience, and soak up the support of everyone here.

I use the crutches in the morning and late at night. In this way I think I am avoiding atrophy and keeping limber. Haven't been swimming in a month (it is just so hard to get to the pool), but I am planning to get a wheelchair for mobility's sake outside the house. I hate that. Especially when I have a child on my lap and one fighting to push me - it looks so pitiful in my own mind's eye that I just want to cry. But maybe it will bring back some of the things that I used to do.

The ball of the foot is very sore but I am still glad to avoid surgery. We are going to wait 3 weeks and then maybe do a contrast MRI to be sure. Don't know. My heel is getting some electrical shock feelings that I neer had before (not painful just shocking) so maybe we are finally getting some healing??? That would be encouraging. Anyway, despite all, I am very satistfied with my course of action.

Anyway you know that creepy morning feeling of having to do it all over again, or that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you pass another year milestone worse than before. YUCK. It is the darkest feeling.

It is dark and chilling like the macabre colors of the new message board stark and unwelcoming, like you have just been dropped in the lowest, coldest ring of Dante's hell! B.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

john h on 10/12/01 at 12:43 (062854)

barb: i think sometimes when you are really down and in pain it is time for some sort of pain medication to help you get through a day or a week. as i have posted i have not found anything other than a medrol pack that provided any relief and you cannot take those for two long. If you have not tried that i would ask my doc for one of the medrol packs which last about a week. sometimes if you can just break the pain cycle it is a start. actually, a lot of rheumatoid arthritis patients take this med on a regular basis. there is one other medication which is a non steriod,non addicting, non narcotic and does not leave with you with any sleepy or drowsy feeling that many people have found helped with the pain. it is strictly a pain medication and does not reduce inflamation but it sounds like you need some help with pain. i will email you the name of it. it also does not bother the stomach and is inexpensive.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

BrianJ on 10/12/01 at 15:11 (062869)

Hi Barbara --

I don't think I've ever communicated directly with you before (I'm usually more of a lurker than a poster), but I wanted to reinforce John's thoughts that we will all see some improvement if we stay focused. Like you, I get depressed when the pain is bad, and when my diligent efforts don't yield results. Please just remember that we're pulling for you and praying for you even when you don't know it, and we're going to celebrate your improvement when it happens.

By the way, I'm here in Texas too, so I figure we're on the same team. Have a good weekend.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

Barbara TX on 10/12/01 at 18:45 (062889)

Brian - so good to hear from you, and thanks for your encouragement and prayers. I remember you... didn't you have pain in the center of your arch and you were looking into ESWT? Boy howdy, are we going to celebrate when this hell is over. B.

Re: Making progress

Glenn X on 10/06/01 at 13:09 (062388)

Carmen: Ankle angle continues to improve. Been on one crutch for close on a month. Still doing the 24 hour a day regimen of multiple stretching, tensioning, and strengthening, with occasional PT modalities. Dr. Ed is a great guide and partner in this rehab. Slow and steady headway is the aim and I think I'm in that groove ... with a fair amount of grooving yet ahead.

As angle improves, burning and tingling in bottoms of feet has lessened. Other things that help ME escape that particular discomfort are: thin, minimally-textured cotton socks, smoothe surface orthotics, snug shoes, no oral anti-inflammatories (they increase stinging for me), less caffeine, plenty of water, and sometimes taking more steps than I might need to in order to get past 'initial' and automatic pain messages from my feet to my brain, without overdoing it.

Alsov -- even though I'm doing a lot of treating, I think part of what's needed is to get into a routine that best serves the critical three: rest, flexibility, and strengthening -- and then let that routine do its work.

How you doing . . . ?

Re: Sounds good~

Carmen H on 10/08/01 at 07:20 (062455)

You souund like you are making progress...I am not so lucky. BUT I have TWO doctors concerned about me and wanting to send me on the right track to BETTTER.....that's more than I could say a couple months ago. I am pretty sure I am suffering from nerve damage all over my body (feet, hands, parts of the back, glutes) I have an EMG on Oct. 31st and a spinal epidural coming up.
ugh...I guess I better get over my fear of needles huh?
I am glad you are feeling better and headed in the right direction!!

Re: Nerve distress

Glenn X on 10/08/01 at 18:00 (062497)

Hi Carmen: Not long after I began my serious and almost continuous regimen of stretching and tensioning to increase ankle flexibility, I began feeling soreness elsewhere in my body. Neck, shoulders, wrists, occasionally lower back. RSI is a likely possibility. Two years on crutches and more desk work than I was accustomed to and all.

But I regularly wonder if the continuous tensioning isn't triggering body-repair or tendon/fascia rebuilding cells that roam throughout my bloodstream, teasing nerves, coursing into tendons and ligaments, settling into muscles, and otherwise 'aggravating' anything that might need a little attention. It's like I'm overdosed on something and my body needs a good flushing of toxins. I've been taking calcium and stuff to increase bone density and that too may be irritating.

A good aerobics workout every day would probably help, but I'm a bit too sore for that.

However, my foot is better, so I'm sticking to my routine until I'm off crutches completely. I'll then ease into a less ambitious flexibility-maintenance mode, and a more ambitious exercise routine, and I expect other aches to lessen then.

Tomorrow I see Dr. Ed for new orthotics. I expect that will help a lot too.

I'm not sure what kinds of meds or other orals you've taken, or are taking, and I know very little about this arena. But you too sound like something's coursing through your body aggravating things.

I appreciate too that just DEALING with all this stuff, as well as attending to events in the world of late, can be stressful and 'aggravating.'

Sometimes the simpler path is the more fruitful??? I wish there were more I could suggest.

Re: Glenn

Carmen H on 10/09/01 at 07:51 (062525)

Sounds like a possibility Glenn! Iam going to mention all of this to my Neuro. She is very helpful and takes time for me (at least she did hte first day and they call me back the same day when I call with questions).
I also thought of the idea that I was used to exercising vigorously every day and now I do nothing. Nothing at all b/c my feet burn so bad I am scare to try until after EMG testing and blood work returns to rule out EXTREME things like disease in the blood etc.
I do have CTS in both wrists but it isn't BAD....just have to wear my wrist guards during hte day and at night but after working all day with them on I remove them for awhile and get some 'exercise in my wrists' while cooking dinner and stuff. So it has helped for sure.
I appreciate your input and hate that you are on crutches. You have a great attitude though and a positive outlook...if this stuff continues with me I only Hope I can be as optimistic.

Re: Optimism on the River

Glenn X on 10/10/01 at 11:04 (062635)

Hey Carmen: I do count myself upbeat and optimistic. Have been most of my life. I EXPECT to get better.

But I've had many a dark hour with this condition, And even now, each setback, however minor, raises the knawing fear of permament disability ... if just for moments.

Underneath each trickle of uncertainty though is a deeper river of inner strength that this 3-plus year struggle has helped my discover and tap into.

We all have this resource, though maybe we all don't have the opportunity to test its potential.

What helps me most pass 'the test' (repeatedly) are the stories, the courage, and the openness of people who share their journeys on this web site. Wendy N and John H and Julie and Scott R come most immediately to mind. They've persevered well past many a dark moment, and their success (and the success of many others I've read about here) provide me unflagging hope and optimism -- as I'm sure it does for others.

We are sort of all on the same river here on heelspurs, travelling in a fair number of boats, sometimes against the current, sometimes with. Many have maneuvered the rapids before. Some share the same boat. The docs are the river guides.

People such as yourself (and Tammie and Barb and Mike and Cindy and dozens of others), who are more immediately engaged in the journey, and are perhaps more wet than those in the lead boats, I see as my fellow paddlers. We're getting the hang of it. We just have to keep dipping our paddles in the water until our muscles are toned, our course corrections are automatic, the boat's pointed in the right direction, we've learned the turns in the river, and we're gaining on the lead paddlers; who are mostly just floating along now, enjoying the sun and the sounds and the sky. When we pass 'em by, let's give 'em a good splashing.

Re: Optimism on the River

John H on 10/10/01 at 12:15 (062643)

Glen: I know your feeling buddy! Each setback would really sink me into a hole. The more setbacks i had and the more comebacks i had led me to start to think that this is not forever. Even today after having the best 3-4 months in 7 years their lurks that little thought that i could have a big setback. As i have improved over the last several months i have managed to further and further remove the thoughts of my hurting feet from my mind. I may think of my feet a couple of minutes a day now whereas last year i spent 75% of time thinking about my feet. I think anything you can do to take your mind off of your feet will help you get better. That is no easy task. As i sat with Barb and Judy a few weeks ago having dinner i commented that my feet were the fartherest thing from my mind. You can become absorbed in good company and good conversation. I know many of you are hurting so much and are faced with taking care of children and your jobs it is near impossible to find a distraction but do not just lay down and let your mind be totally absorbed with your feet. I have been there and done that. It only makes it worse. After having jogged for 100 yards with no increase in pain i now have dreams of actually running 5K once again. It is only a dream but if i can go 100 yds why not 5000 meteres? I have always said i would consider myself cured the day i could run 5k in 30 minutes. I can live with where i am now but will not give up my goal of running 5k once again.

Re: Optimism on the River

Barbara TX on 10/10/01 at 14:07 (062661)

Glen - I hope I am allowed, if I drift by my former practitioners who laughed at my distress and prescribed crippling, poorly made orthotics from hell, to crack them over the head with my paddle? Or hold them underwater for a long, long time?

I probably do not qualify to be an optimist, but yours is a satisfying vision! B.

Re: Optimism on the River

Suzanne D on 10/10/01 at 17:46 (062678)

Thanks so much, Glenn! This was a beautiful way to describe your struggle and the victories you have obtained! I am thankful that in August I found you all along this rough river, and I am privileged to try to paddle along in the back of the pack with such courageous leaders!

:-) Keep up the good work. There are many following behind you on this river.

Re: Optimism on the River

Glenn X on 10/10/01 at 20:10 (062693)

John SenSei: You are so on the mark. I've read several of your messages about the importance and value of getting our thoughts off our feet. I've finally settled into a healing track that allows me to de-obsess some, and do just that. Gimping around on just one crutch is like a 5k for me, and verifies that my track is good and I don't need to figure things out so much.

Your dream of a 30-minute 5k inspires me to ponder and picture a similar goal for myself. That too will help me look forward instead of down at my feet.

Thank you much.

Re: Optimism on the River

Glenn X on 10/10/01 at 20:26 (062698)

Barb: Appreciate the image you suggest. There's a couple of heads needin' crackin' from my past too. One in particular had me on concrete orthotics for a year and a half with a firm caution against any stretching. I need to crack my own head a good one for sticking with him so long.

Yesterday I picked up orthotics Dr. Ed made for me. Like putting a Ferrari (as compared to a junkyard Chevy) on your feet. They look like a piece of fine art and feel like a custom-fitted cloud.

They ain't got me walkin yet, but the difference in quality is incredible. I can't begin to imagine why all orthotics aren't made in this manner.

As for optimism. I've learned from and enjoyed your posts for months. You must be a closet optimist.

Re: Optimism on the River

Glenn X on 10/10/01 at 20:41 (062701)

Thanks Suzanne: I'm reading 'Undaunted Courage,' the story of Merriweather Lewis (and Clark) adventuring the west. Just at the point where they put in on the Missouri to head upriver. That's probably where the metaphor came from.

Upriver's a tougher paddle than down. I think I'm at least moving with the current now. I've (we've) still got a long river ahead, and will no doubt have to portage around a bunch more obstacles.

And I'm going to let this analogy go now, except to offer a parting piece of advice to myself and anyone else on the river, 'Keep paddling.'

Re: Optimism on the River

Tammie on 10/10/01 at 21:33 (062706)

Glenn, You sound as tho you are handling things very good! I admire your posts and your continuing paddling!!!I like that it sound very positive and I for one am always looking for a it of that good sounding stuff!

Move over buddy, I am bringing my canoe right beside u and the currant may help me get threre a bit FASTER ! LOL This pain stuff can take a back seat for a while. I am tired of living only for hope. I am going in search of some other healing methods for more then my feet. I hope to meet all my friends at the home stretch and not in boots, or crutches or snowed out of my mind.

One problem here Glenn, I do not like water, I am not a huge water fan, so can it be very very shallow? HEhehehe.And if I dont see land I get a bit panicy. Hugssssssssss to u and keep going.

Re: Optimism on the River

Barbara TX on 10/11/01 at 08:33 (062723)

I'm not sure but I worry a great deal, constantly asking husband 'will I be okay?' and I have instructed him to answer yes of course. Whenever I begin to doubt I get very very depressed. Disconnecting mood from the status of my feet is my most difficult project.

Wonderful to have a helpful orthotic - and of course, Dr. Ed nearby. B.

Re: Optimism on the River

john h on 10/11/01 at 10:40 (062735)

Barb: just have happy thoughts and an occasional bourbon. Since Scott is from the academy do not look for much sympathy from him as they are used to 'grin and bear it'! Sometimes it just helps to yell out 'I am mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore!'

Re: Optimism on the River

Barbara TX on 10/11/01 at 10:59 (062738)

John - it has been a total re-education for Scott (my Scott), dealing with a person in pain. He thinks : 'I've got to FIX THIS NOW.' I think 'why can't he just sit here and let me cry on his shoulder and pat me on the head?' Sometimes things can't be easily fixed and you have to try to live with suffering. Now, after 2 years, he is worth of a 'Mr. Compassion' medal. He hasn't told me to get my neck back in a year. B.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

john h on 10/11/01 at 13:43 (062750)

'patience' is not one of the virtues you learn in the military. you learn to fix and act fast with results expected yesterday. Even after 7 years of this i am not a patient person which has resulted in me trying everthing from surgery to 4 ESWT treatments. I never will be a patient person it is not in my genes,

Re: Optimism on the River

Tammie on 10/11/01 at 18:01 (062784)

Hey Tammie: Shallow river water out here in the west is often rough water, and its always a lot more fun and exciting to 'float' through. So yes, we can do shallow, and we'll do it in a raft. They bounce better than canoes. Water out here is cold too. Nice to dangle feet in.

I read you're going back to work. Nurse's aide sounds like a lot of hard-floor walking. I trust you're able to EASE into things.

I'm totally pulling for you and want to be as encouraging as I can possibly be. TAKE ESPECIALLY THOUGHTFUL CARE OF YOURSELF.

Re: The "Tammie" message above is actually mine.

Glenn X on 10/11/01 at 18:03 (062785)

See subject

Re: well off to the rough water

tammie on 10/11/01 at 18:22 (062788)

Thanks Glenn, I like a bit of adventure,and dont mind a few bumps on the way just dont let me fall in and drown.I think I would like to use the good people here as life perservers heheh.

Yes the work is tough on the feet, but you see things have got to a point where I have to return to work, or could lose much more then money at this point.Family matters is all I can say. I am truly hoping I am up to thease rough waters and can ride some of it out with a good outcome.

My employers and my dr. are going to try and help make this as easy as they can on me. I just hope they will for as long as I truly need it and dont bail out on me after the first few days if u know what i mean.I also hope I can stand the pains as i will have to wear my shoe even if my foot hates it, which darn it am still having trouble with it. I am wondering what might happen if I wear my cam boot part and shoe part time If I cant stand shoe on. In any case off we go friend. I feel better that I don't have to go it alone, I have all of my good friends here to throw me a life perserver!

Now be sure to watch for my bobbing head lol! Hugs to u and thanks for the words! First day back is this Sunday morning at 5 am , think of me !

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

Barbara TX on 10/11/01 at 18:33 (062790)

I am patient by training, but not by nature. Having little children has made me much more patient and understanding. It is not that I can't wait to get better - it is the nagging feeling that I won't. It hits me in the middle of the night and the morning when I wake up. That is a very painful time. Very hard to describe... something like anxiety or the feeling that I am all alone and no one will be able to help or understand me. I am sure that this is commom, but that doesn't make me feel any better!

What does make me feel better is the funny six-year old jokes going around our house:

What do you call a piece of cheese that someone lends you?
Nacho cheese.

How do you catch a very rare rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a very tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.

My three year old is now saying 'rats!' every time she does not get her way, which is funny too. B.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

john h on 10/12/01 at 09:37 (062821)

barb: i know 'exactly' the feeling you get when you think you will never get better. i know exactly the 'anxiety' that goes with it. it is very easy to go into the panic attack mode when these feelings occur. i posted once before that i have never heard of ANYONE who had PF forever. grab on to any life preservers you can for the time being. like me, at some point and for some reason you will get better. I have had 4 ESWT treatments and after many years, i am very much better than i was, so i know this is not forever. i also know that i can head back to new jersey for another ESWT treatment, as i think this treatment does help. it may take one treatment or it may take 10 treatments. i will do whatever it takes. i well remember when i almost hated waking up in the morning and having to deal with my hurting feet all day. i had my job, which helped becaused it provided a diversion. i think you stay at home mom's have it tougher than us men because you are very much confined to your house and kids all day and are much more prone to foucs on your feet. i do not know if your are still on your crutches barb but my thoughts are the sooner you can get off of them the better as your muscles and lack of use of a foot can lead to other problems. i, of course, do not know how much pain you deal with but suspect it is very bad and perhaps you have no choice but to remain on the crutches. when i was on crutches, my wrist and under my arms begin to hurt more than my feet. I have not heard how you are feeling after the treatment of your neuroma and would like to know what is happening after that treatment.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

Barbara TX on 10/12/01 at 11:40 (062848)

John - you are are rock. Never let Dick Cheney tell you that you are second in line. I do hang on to your experience, and soak up the support of everyone here.

I use the crutches in the morning and late at night. In this way I think I am avoiding atrophy and keeping limber. Haven't been swimming in a month (it is just so hard to get to the pool), but I am planning to get a wheelchair for mobility's sake outside the house. I hate that. Especially when I have a child on my lap and one fighting to push me - it looks so pitiful in my own mind's eye that I just want to cry. But maybe it will bring back some of the things that I used to do.

The ball of the foot is very sore but I am still glad to avoid surgery. We are going to wait 3 weeks and then maybe do a contrast MRI to be sure. Don't know. My heel is getting some electrical shock feelings that I neer had before (not painful just shocking) so maybe we are finally getting some healing??? That would be encouraging. Anyway, despite all, I am very satistfied with my course of action.

Anyway you know that creepy morning feeling of having to do it all over again, or that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you pass another year milestone worse than before. YUCK. It is the darkest feeling.

It is dark and chilling like the macabre colors of the new message board stark and unwelcoming, like you have just been dropped in the lowest, coldest ring of Dante's hell! B.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

john h on 10/12/01 at 12:43 (062854)

barb: i think sometimes when you are really down and in pain it is time for some sort of pain medication to help you get through a day or a week. as i have posted i have not found anything other than a medrol pack that provided any relief and you cannot take those for two long. If you have not tried that i would ask my doc for one of the medrol packs which last about a week. sometimes if you can just break the pain cycle it is a start. actually, a lot of rheumatoid arthritis patients take this med on a regular basis. there is one other medication which is a non steriod,non addicting, non narcotic and does not leave with you with any sleepy or drowsy feeling that many people have found helped with the pain. it is strictly a pain medication and does not reduce inflamation but it sounds like you need some help with pain. i will email you the name of it. it also does not bother the stomach and is inexpensive.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

BrianJ on 10/12/01 at 15:11 (062869)

Hi Barbara --

I don't think I've ever communicated directly with you before (I'm usually more of a lurker than a poster), but I wanted to reinforce John's thoughts that we will all see some improvement if we stay focused. Like you, I get depressed when the pain is bad, and when my diligent efforts don't yield results. Please just remember that we're pulling for you and praying for you even when you don't know it, and we're going to celebrate your improvement when it happens.

By the way, I'm here in Texas too, so I figure we're on the same team. Have a good weekend.

Re: Optimism on the River/Barb

Barbara TX on 10/12/01 at 18:45 (062889)

Brian - so good to hear from you, and thanks for your encouragement and prayers. I remember you... didn't you have pain in the center of your arch and you were looking into ESWT? Boy howdy, are we going to celebrate when this hell is over. B.