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Is it me?

Posted by JudyS on 1/29/02 at 14:38 (071818)

Am I just too sensitive on this woman/man thing? I've never been any kind of a 'chest-pounding' feminist, but I have spent my life dealing some sexist attitudes from men while I was only trying to make my way in a culture that still has growing to do so perhaps that's developed my passion on the subject. I've always found attitudes to be far more troublesome than behaviors.
I couldn't help but notice here that some of us came to the defense of some of the fellas here who may, or may not, have made statements that are hurtful to the female gender - even if they're made in jest. But I think there's a point we miss - and that is that not everyone here knows everybody as well as we long-timers do.
There is no question that, through many of our longevity as members of this board, we've had the pleasure of really getting to know some folks -especially their giving, caring, compassionate and fun characteristics. With that knowledge, we will probably read another long-timer's post with different eyes than a newcomer would......because we know the poster fairly well. For instance, we know, in the case of this discussion, that the fellas who participated in it are real sweeties. We adore them and they are always supportive of us. We know 'where they're coming from' even if they've posted something that could be viewed as hurtful so we know they 'didn't really mean anything by it'. But what of the newcomers who don't know we old-timers so well? Blanket statements with negative connotations could easily be construed as demeaning - oh, especially on such a sensitive subject! In fact, blanket statements with negative connotations, even said in jest, can be hurtful, period.

Re: oops......

JudyS on 1/29/02 at 14:44 (071819)

I hit the 'post' button before meaning too. Must have been Freudian.
I therefore did not get the chance to edit my post for insensitivities of my own making - editing which I always do........I do so much not want to hurt anyone's feelings or be inflammatory.
Having said that, I respectfully put a lid on my own passionate-posting regarding male/female stuff. Thanks for bearing with me and my sincere apologies if I've offended.

Re: Pain is a great equalizer...

Suzanne D on 1/29/02 at 18:15 (071845)

Well, here we are: men and women; in our 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's; from big cities and tiny places that hardly make the maps; from all across America and nations all over the world. And we all came here because of pain, and our hope to alleviate it. We strive for this through learning more about our condition/s, finding out about treatments and products that might help, and through emotionial support for one another. For some of us, the information is primary, for some a verbal pat on the back can make the most difference, for others, sharing a bit of humor helps.

I already wrote a post on another board here a week or so ago about how I appreciate the differences among us and how that makes this all the more special, so I won't repeat that. Suffice it to say that it constantly amazes me to witness the willingness of so many to share ideas and hope, even a pair of shoes or some inserts,

That there will be some differences in opinion or misunderstandings in meanings of certain posts is inevitable, and yet, I consider us all a family, and familes - while they have their differences - stick together and help one another in a crunch.

That's how I see it anyway. God bless all of us! :-)

Re: Is it me?

Julie on 1/30/02 at 08:11 (071903)

Another nail-on-the-head post, Judy. I'm sure you're right. How a post is read depends utterly on how well the reader has got to know the poster, and so care and thought are quite important. I think most people find this difficult, because communication on the net is so quick and easy. But I do think it's always worth 'engaging brain before keyboard' (to re-coin a phrase) just as one would in snail correspondence. And editing before posting, as you do.

And don't worry - there were no insensitivities in your un-edited post as far as I could tell!

There is a correspondence going on in the Guardian this week, following an article the gist of which was that anti-Zionism shouldn't be construed as anti-semitism. The director of the Board of Jewish Deputies writes today pointing out that the Guardian has always been anti-Zionist and pro-Arab, and has frequently published articles by Arab journalists saying that Israel has no right to exist, and that such statements have an anti-semitic effect even if the intention behind them was not anti-semitic.

I think it's wise, however generous and clean one's intentions are, to at least try to be aware of the effect one's words are going to have.

Re: oops......

JudyS on 1/29/02 at 14:44 (071819)

I hit the 'post' button before meaning too. Must have been Freudian.
I therefore did not get the chance to edit my post for insensitivities of my own making - editing which I always do........I do so much not want to hurt anyone's feelings or be inflammatory.
Having said that, I respectfully put a lid on my own passionate-posting regarding male/female stuff. Thanks for bearing with me and my sincere apologies if I've offended.

Re: Pain is a great equalizer...

Suzanne D on 1/29/02 at 18:15 (071845)

Well, here we are: men and women; in our 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's; from big cities and tiny places that hardly make the maps; from all across America and nations all over the world. And we all came here because of pain, and our hope to alleviate it. We strive for this through learning more about our condition/s, finding out about treatments and products that might help, and through emotionial support for one another. For some of us, the information is primary, for some a verbal pat on the back can make the most difference, for others, sharing a bit of humor helps.

I already wrote a post on another board here a week or so ago about how I appreciate the differences among us and how that makes this all the more special, so I won't repeat that. Suffice it to say that it constantly amazes me to witness the willingness of so many to share ideas and hope, even a pair of shoes or some inserts,

That there will be some differences in opinion or misunderstandings in meanings of certain posts is inevitable, and yet, I consider us all a family, and familes - while they have their differences - stick together and help one another in a crunch.

That's how I see it anyway. God bless all of us! :-)

Re: Is it me?

Julie on 1/30/02 at 08:11 (071903)

Another nail-on-the-head post, Judy. I'm sure you're right. How a post is read depends utterly on how well the reader has got to know the poster, and so care and thought are quite important. I think most people find this difficult, because communication on the net is so quick and easy. But I do think it's always worth 'engaging brain before keyboard' (to re-coin a phrase) just as one would in snail correspondence. And editing before posting, as you do.

And don't worry - there were no insensitivities in your un-edited post as far as I could tell!

There is a correspondence going on in the Guardian this week, following an article the gist of which was that anti-Zionism shouldn't be construed as anti-semitism. The director of the Board of Jewish Deputies writes today pointing out that the Guardian has always been anti-Zionist and pro-Arab, and has frequently published articles by Arab journalists saying that Israel has no right to exist, and that such statements have an anti-semitic effect even if the intention behind them was not anti-semitic.

I think it's wise, however generous and clean one's intentions are, to at least try to be aware of the effect one's words are going to have.