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TO TAMMIE

Posted by Laurie R on 2/24/02 at 19:46 (074953)

Hi Tammie , Wow that is so cool you went out yesterday and had a great time . Movie and dinner and new clothes , how lucky and you know what ?? You so deserve it . I also made my mind up yesterday that I was not going to let my pain get to me . We went out as a family also . We went to the flea market , and then out to eat . It was so fun just to be out . I did not walk around to much . The kids got a few things . They have cool t-shirts for 3 for 10.00 , so we all got some .

It does a mind wonders to not focus on the pain . The pain is going to be there , but we still have to do things .

Then today I went to the book store and got a really good book on anxiety . I am going to beat this one way or another ....

I will be in for a few days as of tomorrow . I am going to have another spinal injection done. So I will be out of it for a few days . It is getting better though with the more I have. Just my back will be sore . Plus the drugs they give me , it takes a few days for me to feel like myself .

Again , I am so happy you enjoyed yourself yesterday ...... Just don't give up and things will start to happen for you Tammie .

Much love , Laurie R

Re: TO TAMMIE

Pam B on 2/24/02 at 20:30 (074954)

You go girl......:) dont let it end with yesterday.....talk to your family......tell them for a little while you need there help and support.......make this a standing date for at least two times per month........girl, your feet did not stop hurting but you made it mind over matter......I for one am proud of you cause I have had to do the same thing myself......I have found that my feet hurt if I do or I dont.......so sometimes, I just do and to hell with dont......I pay, but if I dont, my mind finds its way in a downward spriral.......I am so happy you had some fun.....and look what it did for you.....today you wanted to look better and tomorrow you are determined to find a doc that treats you as a whole person and not just your feet........small steps Tammie......small steps accompish big tasks.......:) plus, we are woman and we rule :):):):)

Sorry guys, but we are what we are :):):):):)

Re: TO TAMMIE

Valerie S on 2/25/02 at 09:29 (074981)

Tammie,

It was so fabulous to hear that you went out shopping and even laughed with your family! I'm glad you had a good time and a chance to smile (and cry at a good movie... hee hee)... JCPenney is having incredible sales lately... my husband got a bunch of clothes a couple weeks ago at like 75% off too... It was fantastic!

I was talking to a friend the other day about some stuff, and he said something that really stuck in my mind. He told me, at some point you have to stop just rehearsing your problems... (I'm sure you won't believe this, but I tend to talk and talk about my problems way too much...) Although it really helps me to put my feelings into words, I now realize that I need to find some way to make a positive change in my life too. I plan to start putting some energies into my artwork, maybe finding some kind of volunteer work that won't require me to stand for long periods... find some kind of purpose in this humdrum life... I've really been in a rut lately. ...

Your mall outing sounded like so much fun! That just goes to show you that it IS possible to get your mind off your feet once in awhile too... Now do what you have to and take care of your feet, but see what other things you can do, between doctor visits, that will inpire you some more! It's so good to see you smiling again... !

Your friend, Val.

Re: TO TAMMIE

D.Thomas on 2/25/02 at 11:11 (074994)

Tammie,

I just wanted you to know that I can relate to you in many different ways. All I can do is tell you my story and hope that something will help you. This might be a little long, but what the hell?

I have also been on the road that you are traveling. It really started last March. I had to travel to London for work. I never got use to the time change and didn't sleep at all for four days. I ended up having panic attacks and the stress in my life was quite high at the time. I ended up with generalized anxiety that was not fun at all. They put me on some pretty good drugs. At its worst I was actually taking 6 ambien a night and only sleeping 5 hours if I was lucky. This lasted for 5 months.

And now the fun starts :) I have had PF for a while, but my feet really started to hurt in April becuase I was taking walks trying to help with the anxiety. They say exercise is one of the best things for anxiety. Well, now I couldn't excercise becuase of my feet and my anxiety was getting much worse becuase all I could do is sit or lay on the couch and think. Thinking is the worst thing for anxiety. Especially what I was thinking all the time.

On top of this I was getting married and we were buying a house all in the same month of April :) Plus, I was dealing with some personal issues about past behaviors that I discovered was the cuase of my first panic attacks along with my major habit of caffiene and nicotine. Caffiene is the worst drug for anxiety and panic attacks.

Can you say, 'What next'?

Well, I was starting to panic becuase the house we bought needed some major work. We didn't have the money to pay to get it done, and I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to do anything becuase of the pain in my feet. My feet really got bad becuase the one doctor I saw prescribed the wrong orthotics which just made everything worse. We needed to go down to North Carolina to buy furniture in July (we had no furniture). I was in bad shape and tried to walk through the pain so my new wife would be happy. You do alot of walking furniture shopping. Well, I completely lost it. The pain had gotten so bad, I thought I was going to end up in a wheelchair. And I was very upset at myself becuase I realized that I had let myself get to this spot, not my wife.

My new marriage wasn't doing well becuase I couldn't walk and we couldn't go out together. Our communication was horrible becuase of mainly two things.

1) My wife has a bad hip that she has had since she was 10 years old. They will not do a hip replacement until she is 50 or 60 becuase they only last so long. So she has to walk through the pain. She is quite a woman for not complaining and just walking through it.

Well she expects me to do the same thing with my feet. She has really never understood that this creates more problems for me and I can't do it. She thinks there should be an easy cure and I am just making it worse.

2) My wife came from a family that you never bring up your problems. You basically ignore them. They believe the more you talk about them the worse they become. If you ignore them they will go away.

This was really fun to deal with. Her family is very close and her mother expects everyone to do everything as a family. For example, last August they had a family trip planned to Deer County in Wisconsin. I tried to tell my wife that I wasn't going to be able to make it becuase the pain was so bad. Well, she was pissed and was afraid what her brothers and mom were going to think. So, you guessed it, I gave in of course and went. All I did was stay in the hotel room the whole time. Her family thought that something was really wrong with me and didn't understand my situation at all. It was basically the worst week of my life.

Basically I had to stop trying to please my wife and her family. And do what I needed to do for myself to make myself better. I had to say NO.

On top of all this we started to fix the house. Thank god my Dad and brother came up to help me. It took us about 5 months to get the house where we could live in it. And believe me, there were many days that I didn't think we would get it done. Everybody talks about the fun of re-doing a house, but try it on your knees becuase you cannot stand on your feet for more than 5 mintues.

At one point I actually got a little better, but then I screwed up by being on a ladder all day and I went back to square one. I cannot count how many times I felt I was getting better just to have the pain come back full force. Just that experience over and over again can drive someone nuts.

The whole point to this story is that I got through all this and I am doing OK. My feet still suck, but my anxiety is gone, I'm sleeping again, my realatioship with my wife and her family is getting better. I am trying to tell myself that I will get through this, becuase nothing can be as worse as it was last year. I learned a hell of alot about myself last year and I am a better person for it. I am actually somewhat grateful that I only have foot pain now without the panic attacks and anxiety.

It also looks like I am developing TTS with my PF. And I don't know if this will ever go away or get better which can create anxiety. But the important thing is its not the PF and TTS causing me anxiety, its the way I think about things. I call it stinky thinking. When I start thinking there is no help for me and it is only going to get worse how the hell is my body suppose to react to those thoughts? Of course, I am going to have anxiety and depression.

As they say in AA, 'keep on keeping on.' And keep telling yourself it will get better, becuase it will. You have to believe it and make it happen. If you need support, go get it. That's what helped me with the anxiety and depression. Hang in there Tammie.

Re: Yes and

Tammie on 2/25/02 at 20:45 (075048)

I need to thank you all for all that you have responded to me in my days of darkness! I am feeling much better and trying to put myself back into life in a respect! I have hid in the pain for so long I almost was not living, I had forgotton how to laugh and to BE happy that I have a wonderful family here for me. It is I who choose not to allow them to understand me or my pains. I try to play the hero, super everything lol and This foot deal has taught me a few things and most of what I wish I didnt know.

I needed to get out, it breathed life into my dying heart, it gave me back hope and some control. Yes the pain was there yes it was difficult for me to work today , but I did it and I am no worse then if I hadnt. (well maybe a little) But it is well worth it. I did take my pain pills I used them to allow me to function , I used them to let me be with my family and to see the happiness in them that we were toggether and LAUGHING not angry with each other and hurting each other thru our own types of pain. I cant thank you enough for whoever it was that made me realize I must put caution to the wind and LIVE a little . Come out of that dark corner and get a bit of sunshine. I dont know how long this shall last but I accept it till I lose it again. And with each time I hope that I grow stronger and more in control of MY life and MY body after lossing it for so long.

PS I am in search of a GOOD sensitive pain management Dr to maybe help me and steer me to my next direction. I can not go back to the ortho dr. I cant have him treat me and be the holy god like authority, who does not want to listen to me. I will however ask him who he might recomend for me, when my hubby sees him for his knee. Also I see my Primary thurs and will ask her for thoughts and referals. I am back into this again! Thanks to all of my friends here! I am up on the road again , watch out pot holes I am ready to jump over u!

Re: TO TAMMIE

john h on 2/26/02 at 12:28 (075100)

D Thomas: I think most of us acknowlege that even our closest companions just do not comprehend PF and what it does to you both physically and mentally. They can sometimes say the words but after they have been around us for a year or more while we cut back on all our past activities they just do not understand and it is hard for them to be compassionate on a daily basis. I rarely complain at home. I save that for the people on this board.

Re: Search, and search again if necessary

BrianG on 2/26/02 at 16:18 (075118)

Hi Tammie,

I'm happy to hear that you are searching for a good pain management specialist. You've been through enough, it's time to give your self a break. These clinics will use a variety of methods to help you cope with the pain. One method may be to continue with the pain meds. Just remember, this only has between you and your doctor, and your family if you so choose. There is nothing to say you have to tell your co-workers, neighbors, friends, etc. It's not that you have something to hide, but I feel many people cannot accept the fact that some of us need pain meds to participate in life. You don't need that negativity in your life right now. Good luck with the search.

BrianG

Re: TO TAMMIE

Pam B on 2/24/02 at 20:30 (074954)

You go girl......:) dont let it end with yesterday.....talk to your family......tell them for a little while you need there help and support.......make this a standing date for at least two times per month........girl, your feet did not stop hurting but you made it mind over matter......I for one am proud of you cause I have had to do the same thing myself......I have found that my feet hurt if I do or I dont.......so sometimes, I just do and to hell with dont......I pay, but if I dont, my mind finds its way in a downward spriral.......I am so happy you had some fun.....and look what it did for you.....today you wanted to look better and tomorrow you are determined to find a doc that treats you as a whole person and not just your feet........small steps Tammie......small steps accompish big tasks.......:) plus, we are woman and we rule :):):):)

Sorry guys, but we are what we are :):):):):)

Re: TO TAMMIE

Valerie S on 2/25/02 at 09:29 (074981)

Tammie,

It was so fabulous to hear that you went out shopping and even laughed with your family! I'm glad you had a good time and a chance to smile (and cry at a good movie... hee hee)... JCPenney is having incredible sales lately... my husband got a bunch of clothes a couple weeks ago at like 75% off too... It was fantastic!

I was talking to a friend the other day about some stuff, and he said something that really stuck in my mind. He told me, at some point you have to stop just rehearsing your problems... (I'm sure you won't believe this, but I tend to talk and talk about my problems way too much...) Although it really helps me to put my feelings into words, I now realize that I need to find some way to make a positive change in my life too. I plan to start putting some energies into my artwork, maybe finding some kind of volunteer work that won't require me to stand for long periods... find some kind of purpose in this humdrum life... I've really been in a rut lately. ...

Your mall outing sounded like so much fun! That just goes to show you that it IS possible to get your mind off your feet once in awhile too... Now do what you have to and take care of your feet, but see what other things you can do, between doctor visits, that will inpire you some more! It's so good to see you smiling again... !

Your friend, Val.

Re: TO TAMMIE

D.Thomas on 2/25/02 at 11:11 (074994)

Tammie,

I just wanted you to know that I can relate to you in many different ways. All I can do is tell you my story and hope that something will help you. This might be a little long, but what the hell?

I have also been on the road that you are traveling. It really started last March. I had to travel to London for work. I never got use to the time change and didn't sleep at all for four days. I ended up having panic attacks and the stress in my life was quite high at the time. I ended up with generalized anxiety that was not fun at all. They put me on some pretty good drugs. At its worst I was actually taking 6 ambien a night and only sleeping 5 hours if I was lucky. This lasted for 5 months.

And now the fun starts :) I have had PF for a while, but my feet really started to hurt in April becuase I was taking walks trying to help with the anxiety. They say exercise is one of the best things for anxiety. Well, now I couldn't excercise becuase of my feet and my anxiety was getting much worse becuase all I could do is sit or lay on the couch and think. Thinking is the worst thing for anxiety. Especially what I was thinking all the time.

On top of this I was getting married and we were buying a house all in the same month of April :) Plus, I was dealing with some personal issues about past behaviors that I discovered was the cuase of my first panic attacks along with my major habit of caffiene and nicotine. Caffiene is the worst drug for anxiety and panic attacks.

Can you say, 'What next'?

Well, I was starting to panic becuase the house we bought needed some major work. We didn't have the money to pay to get it done, and I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to do anything becuase of the pain in my feet. My feet really got bad becuase the one doctor I saw prescribed the wrong orthotics which just made everything worse. We needed to go down to North Carolina to buy furniture in July (we had no furniture). I was in bad shape and tried to walk through the pain so my new wife would be happy. You do alot of walking furniture shopping. Well, I completely lost it. The pain had gotten so bad, I thought I was going to end up in a wheelchair. And I was very upset at myself becuase I realized that I had let myself get to this spot, not my wife.

My new marriage wasn't doing well becuase I couldn't walk and we couldn't go out together. Our communication was horrible becuase of mainly two things.

1) My wife has a bad hip that she has had since she was 10 years old. They will not do a hip replacement until she is 50 or 60 becuase they only last so long. So she has to walk through the pain. She is quite a woman for not complaining and just walking through it.

Well she expects me to do the same thing with my feet. She has really never understood that this creates more problems for me and I can't do it. She thinks there should be an easy cure and I am just making it worse.

2) My wife came from a family that you never bring up your problems. You basically ignore them. They believe the more you talk about them the worse they become. If you ignore them they will go away.

This was really fun to deal with. Her family is very close and her mother expects everyone to do everything as a family. For example, last August they had a family trip planned to Deer County in Wisconsin. I tried to tell my wife that I wasn't going to be able to make it becuase the pain was so bad. Well, she was pissed and was afraid what her brothers and mom were going to think. So, you guessed it, I gave in of course and went. All I did was stay in the hotel room the whole time. Her family thought that something was really wrong with me and didn't understand my situation at all. It was basically the worst week of my life.

Basically I had to stop trying to please my wife and her family. And do what I needed to do for myself to make myself better. I had to say NO.

On top of all this we started to fix the house. Thank god my Dad and brother came up to help me. It took us about 5 months to get the house where we could live in it. And believe me, there were many days that I didn't think we would get it done. Everybody talks about the fun of re-doing a house, but try it on your knees becuase you cannot stand on your feet for more than 5 mintues.

At one point I actually got a little better, but then I screwed up by being on a ladder all day and I went back to square one. I cannot count how many times I felt I was getting better just to have the pain come back full force. Just that experience over and over again can drive someone nuts.

The whole point to this story is that I got through all this and I am doing OK. My feet still suck, but my anxiety is gone, I'm sleeping again, my realatioship with my wife and her family is getting better. I am trying to tell myself that I will get through this, becuase nothing can be as worse as it was last year. I learned a hell of alot about myself last year and I am a better person for it. I am actually somewhat grateful that I only have foot pain now without the panic attacks and anxiety.

It also looks like I am developing TTS with my PF. And I don't know if this will ever go away or get better which can create anxiety. But the important thing is its not the PF and TTS causing me anxiety, its the way I think about things. I call it stinky thinking. When I start thinking there is no help for me and it is only going to get worse how the hell is my body suppose to react to those thoughts? Of course, I am going to have anxiety and depression.

As they say in AA, 'keep on keeping on.' And keep telling yourself it will get better, becuase it will. You have to believe it and make it happen. If you need support, go get it. That's what helped me with the anxiety and depression. Hang in there Tammie.

Re: Yes and

Tammie on 2/25/02 at 20:45 (075048)

I need to thank you all for all that you have responded to me in my days of darkness! I am feeling much better and trying to put myself back into life in a respect! I have hid in the pain for so long I almost was not living, I had forgotton how to laugh and to BE happy that I have a wonderful family here for me. It is I who choose not to allow them to understand me or my pains. I try to play the hero, super everything lol and This foot deal has taught me a few things and most of what I wish I didnt know.

I needed to get out, it breathed life into my dying heart, it gave me back hope and some control. Yes the pain was there yes it was difficult for me to work today , but I did it and I am no worse then if I hadnt. (well maybe a little) But it is well worth it. I did take my pain pills I used them to allow me to function , I used them to let me be with my family and to see the happiness in them that we were toggether and LAUGHING not angry with each other and hurting each other thru our own types of pain. I cant thank you enough for whoever it was that made me realize I must put caution to the wind and LIVE a little . Come out of that dark corner and get a bit of sunshine. I dont know how long this shall last but I accept it till I lose it again. And with each time I hope that I grow stronger and more in control of MY life and MY body after lossing it for so long.

PS I am in search of a GOOD sensitive pain management Dr to maybe help me and steer me to my next direction. I can not go back to the ortho dr. I cant have him treat me and be the holy god like authority, who does not want to listen to me. I will however ask him who he might recomend for me, when my hubby sees him for his knee. Also I see my Primary thurs and will ask her for thoughts and referals. I am back into this again! Thanks to all of my friends here! I am up on the road again , watch out pot holes I am ready to jump over u!

Re: TO TAMMIE

john h on 2/26/02 at 12:28 (075100)

D Thomas: I think most of us acknowlege that even our closest companions just do not comprehend PF and what it does to you both physically and mentally. They can sometimes say the words but after they have been around us for a year or more while we cut back on all our past activities they just do not understand and it is hard for them to be compassionate on a daily basis. I rarely complain at home. I save that for the people on this board.

Re: Search, and search again if necessary

BrianG on 2/26/02 at 16:18 (075118)

Hi Tammie,

I'm happy to hear that you are searching for a good pain management specialist. You've been through enough, it's time to give your self a break. These clinics will use a variety of methods to help you cope with the pain. One method may be to continue with the pain meds. Just remember, this only has between you and your doctor, and your family if you so choose. There is nothing to say you have to tell your co-workers, neighbors, friends, etc. It's not that you have something to hide, but I feel many people cannot accept the fact that some of us need pain meds to participate in life. You don't need that negativity in your life right now. Good luck with the search.

BrianG