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oh my god, oh my god

Posted by kay f on 4/27/02 at 23:50 (081421)

i cannot even deal with the thought that the doctor will not be able to help me. i would die if i had to live like this. 10 minutes on my feet are all i can take. i work in a factory for a living for god sakes. i have to go to work again someday. i need money to live on.
thanks for eveyones who has responded to my post on this site. you all are very kind.
i cannot deal with the thought of being like this forever. i cannot deal.
oh shoot now i want to cry. i look at these crutches they are so hard. i hate that ugly wheel chair. i would just die.

lets all pray for each other. would it help at all?

forgive this post......i'm losing it.

kay

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Laurie R on 4/28/02 at 00:11 (081422)

Dear Kay , nothing to forgive in your post. You sound so very upset . That is what we are here for , to help when anyone needs it . So many times I have come here to vent and get things off my chest , and someone was always here to listen to me ....This site has been my main support. WE understand , please anytime come here , we will listen and try to help you figure out whatever is going on ...

I hope tomorrow is better for you , take one day at a time.... Laurie R

Re: oh my god, oh my god

nancy s. on 4/28/02 at 00:55 (081427)

kay, i didn't see your other post, so forgive me if i say anything ignorant.
have you read scot's heel pain book? have you seen a doctor yet? what are you wearing on your feet, and are you having any physical therapy and doing any non-weight-bearing stretching program at home?

i hope it helps you a little bit to know this: for quite a long time i couldn't be on my feet for even 5 minutes, i had to stop working, and i thought my world was ending. now i can be on my feet for a long time, and i'm back to work. i know you might not be able to help despairing at times, but please remember that the vast, vast majority of people recover from pf, even if it gets really bad for a while.

crutches and wheelchairs are no fun, but -- i'm serious -- try to see them as your friends, as a part of what freedom you can have while you're in this acutely painful stage. as long as you are doing other conservative treatments at the same time, as approved by your doctor (icing, gentle stretching, etc.), crutches, wheelchairs, and the like actually help your feet get the rest they need while still allowing you to get around a bit. rest is crucial, yet it's probably the hardest thing to do and the most difficult stage to deal with psychologically.

hang in there. you may need to ultimately change some things in your life (possibly the kind of work you do), but it's very likely that your feet will heal to, at the very least, a manageable level and that you will become active once again.

nancy

Re: oh my god, oh my god

linda a on 4/28/02 at 08:07 (081432)

hello kay ! i don't know how long you have been dealing w/ P.F. and what your treatments consisted of . i had dealt w/ p.f. for over 3 1/2 yrs had surgery for open P.F. and TTS on both feet august 2001 . my feet were taped up every week after starting 3months after the surgery because i could not stand to walk on them . yes, i went back to work and my job required standing . very painful . well i do want to be hopeful in this conversation . i am not 100 % improved and not back to my love of hiking and biking for 3hrs straight , BUT i am BACK to biking 30 minutes straight . do i still have pain yes . it varies from day to day ( pain level 4-7 ) and i am learning to deal w/ it . i see a counselor not only for this problem , but for my bipolar problem and i frequently visit this site to get the emotional /informational support that i need . so keep posting or reading . my name is linda and i am from louisville , Ky . it has been rain heavily all day saturaday and early sunday morning . i hate the cold damp weather , beacuse my bones and muscles ache so bad . i am 37 yrs . i received a little tip from this site to get a ' bed buddy ' . it ia heat/ cold pack . i just love it . you can put it in the microwave a zap it . take care kay . linda (Ky)

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Carole C in NOLA on 4/28/02 at 08:07 (081433)

Kay, Nancy and Laurie's posts are absolutely right and it's difficult to add more to what they said, but I will anyway. LOL

Have you seen a doctor yet, and if you have, what is his diagnosis?

If you have PF (plantar fasciitis), like most of us, the rest that your feet and legs are getting will help them to heal. For now, never ever go barefoot, even for one step and not even in the shower, and do gentle stretching (sitting, non-weightbearing stretches) before you get out of bed and several times a day. Read the heel pain book that Nancy mentioned. PF CAN be overcome.

I understand your misery more than you know! In December I could not even stand to be on my feet for as long as you can (10 minutes). By reading the heel pain book on this site, and by reading the message boards and asking questions and getting tips here, and doing what seemed helpful, I am nearly recovered. Yesterday I went to super Wal-Mart, walked around for an hour, bought a cart full of stuff including three heavy pieces of unassembled furniture, brought it all home and my feet feel fine this morning. So my point is that there IS hope. You can beat this PF monster!!!

The faster you start 'conservative treatments' (this means non-surgical treatments) the faster you will recover, so get diagnosed if you aren't and be sure to come back to the message board. People here have been very caring and helpful to me right from the start. Some of them have other conditions than PF, so if you do they can help you with those conditions too.

Carole C

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Carole C in NOLA on 4/28/02 at 08:22 (081434)

Linda, we posted at the same time. We have 89 degrees and sunny here in New Orleans. Normally I would say, 'send some of that rain my way!' because I love stormy weather that's not severe. But, Jazzfest is not over and it's such a big deal here in New Orleans, I'll 'let' you keep it.

Linda, you mentioned the topic of the emotional devastation due to PF that has affected so many of us here. Back in December and January I was very seriously considering seeking counseling because I was depressed and crying so much. This message board was my lifeline. I posted a lot and read a lot here. I don't know if I posted about my depression at the time very much or not, though knowing me I probably did. Anyway, things started looking up as my PF improved in February, so I never got around to seeing a counselor, but I would have seen one just like you are doing if things had remained that bad.

Kay, many of us have felt severely depressed when our feet are at their worst. PF tends to be a 'roller coaster ride', with your feet getter better, then worse, then better, then worse, and with your emotions going up and down like your feet. So hang on! And come back. We'll help you to get off the PF roller coaster and back to normal life.

Carole C

Re: oh my god, oh my god

nancy s. on 4/28/02 at 09:44 (081446)

kay, linda and carole are very right about the emotional devastation and the depression. few people escape at least times of depression when they have severe or long-lasting pf (or other foot problems).

my feet were severe for about two years. i got tremendous help from this site and these message boards. at times i vented my despair, yet i didn't really go into the depths of it here, i don't think, at the time. i now think it's best to let it out right at the time you're feeling it --nothing you say here will surprise anyone and no one will judge you for it, because we know what it's like.

because i held a lot of my depression in, i ended up with a major depressive episode and was hospitalized for it -- after two years of foot pain, and just as my feet were improving greatly! too much had built up over the two years, i think.

so counseling, antidepressant medication, getting support here -- whatever it takes -- but i encourage you to deal with the depression as it's sneaking up on you and happening. it's great that you posted your obvious emotional pain -- because letting it out and reading people's various responses and ways of coping are a part of healing psychologically from this awful time.

take care,
nancy

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Pam B on 4/28/02 at 10:49 (081452)

Kay, I dont completely understand why you are losing it but I know if it has to do with your feet, I can understand your anguish.......but calm down and take some deep breaths.......there is always hope.......we are here for you to vent or whine or whatever you feel like you need to do but whatever you do, dont let your feet win......sometimes we have to reach way down in our souls to find strength but girl, it is there........I cant find another post that tells me why you are so hopeless right now unless I am looking right at it and cant see it.....I am good for that.....so if you can, tell us whats up?????? in the meantime.....go easy on yourself......tomorrow is another day :) my hopes and prayers are with you as I am sure all of us here know how you feel......God Bless

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Suzanne D on 4/28/02 at 13:07 (081464)

Dear Kay,

You have already received some great advice in the above posts. I just want to add my sympathy and understanding to theirs and let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you! One day at a time is very good advice. Try not to think too far into the future; just do what you can each day. Improvement can be very slow, and then all at once you can make great gains. I pray this will happen for you!

I probably shouldn't post much more because I have a bad migraine and am not thinking very straight :-), and also storms are to come through here again soon. We had bad storms last night and this morning. Right after posting last night, I had to turn off the computer. This morning early, sme4s did damage in the northern end of the county where I live here in KY. We were spared, but more bad storms are on their way, so I will probably not be on the computer long again.

You take care, and know that many feel right along with you and care very much that you are hurting.

My best wishes to you,
Suzanne :-)

Re: Kay , deep breath and relax a min. Julie would be able to advise you on how to relax

Tammie on 4/28/02 at 16:23 (081486)

She is great and it sounds like you need some help! Kay I am sorry things are coming down on you! So many hear have offered good advise which I can add nothing as we all have been here and will tell you we manage to keep coming back and keep learning and keep trudging on looking for a way to handle and learn and find the control in our foot troubles, It feel awful when you feel like the world is going on and on without us as we are stuck in cement. Kay, take some deep breathes and try real hard to just clear your mind and just relax. Then when you feel a bit better think about things as just one step today even a little itty bitty one , one step at a time . Take each day as a day and thank the Good Lord for giving you the day to see the sunshine or see the rain and if you see the rainbow, you will know that he has made us promises and he would never ever let us suffer for no reason! I really like that little story about footsteps in the sand , it really says a lot! I forget sometimes and then it pops up in my mind to remind me patience and prayers to calm my fears and know that if I cant see my footsteps, it is because I am being carried by my angel friends here from this board . I truly think that we were given wings to help each other not only learning how to care for our pain but also how to help or friends . Or just being there to help them up when they stumble or hurt.

You will make it we will always be here for you and just remember One step at a time dont look for your print as you will see none as your friends here have tipped there wings and are carrying you thru this day and tomorrow and till you can stand firm and reach out and walk on your own. Things come around my friend have faith and patience! Also as many many of us have found , talking to your Dr. about the depression and worry in life may help as it is a very big issue to handle!I have been in your shoes I was to the end and someone rather everyone carried me till I finally seen a Dr. who helped with the depression and I am now on paxil and it has been absoulutely great there is a chance for me now!Take care and a hug to you!

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Clara on 4/29/02 at 07:20 (081559)

Hello there Kay F! I was in EXACTLY the same situation only a month ago!! I walked on crutches, I crawled around, and I cried, and cried until I had no more tears to cry! NOW I am feeling much better, I can walk again, of course it hurts, but I can walk longer for every day. I went down, and got some 'anti-depressing' pills, and I can sure you- it really helped me, for a while, I do not want to take those pills all my life!

Hang in there Kay - you´ll get better!
Hugs from
Clara

Re: oh my god, oh my god

JudyS on 4/29/02 at 10:06 (081581)

Don't panic, Kay. Well, not for more than a little bit, anyway. It's such a horrid, horrid, feeling to think that your feet will never be 'normal' again - especially when some doc is inferring that. I can tell you that, without doubt, I was exactly where you are with that sinking feeling of real fear in the gut. It's been three years for me but, even while two years ago or a year and a half ago, I was walking on razor blades and couldn't stand for five minutes, nowadays I'm living a fairly normal life. Now mind you, I don't have a job that requires me to be on my feet all day, but my nature and the lifestyle I have do. As an example, my sons and their girlfriends were home for a long weekend just this past weekend......I spent a week, plus these last four days, on my feet constantly, in better-quality clogs, getting ready for them and then being their mom and hostess. I can honestly say I had very close to no soreness. It was so remarkable that, after about three days, I went to bed one night and suddenly realized that I hadn't had to stop and ice at all.
The point being, that, with due diligence, you have a very good chance of winning out over PF. I absolutely had that same fear as you, it put me in to yukky depression more than once, but, once I decided that PF would no longer be the major control in my life, I began to overcome the fear.
If you can, leave your sore feet in their place - don't let them control your heart and your psychi too much. Instead, use your heart and your spirit to continue to be in charge of your feet.....read, stretch, ice, ibuprofen, education, tape - whatever it takes to make small, consistent steps to healing.

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Laurie R on 4/28/02 at 00:11 (081422)

Dear Kay , nothing to forgive in your post. You sound so very upset . That is what we are here for , to help when anyone needs it . So many times I have come here to vent and get things off my chest , and someone was always here to listen to me ....This site has been my main support. WE understand , please anytime come here , we will listen and try to help you figure out whatever is going on ...

I hope tomorrow is better for you , take one day at a time.... Laurie R

Re: oh my god, oh my god

nancy s. on 4/28/02 at 00:55 (081427)

kay, i didn't see your other post, so forgive me if i say anything ignorant.
have you read scot's heel pain book? have you seen a doctor yet? what are you wearing on your feet, and are you having any physical therapy and doing any non-weight-bearing stretching program at home?

i hope it helps you a little bit to know this: for quite a long time i couldn't be on my feet for even 5 minutes, i had to stop working, and i thought my world was ending. now i can be on my feet for a long time, and i'm back to work. i know you might not be able to help despairing at times, but please remember that the vast, vast majority of people recover from pf, even if it gets really bad for a while.

crutches and wheelchairs are no fun, but -- i'm serious -- try to see them as your friends, as a part of what freedom you can have while you're in this acutely painful stage. as long as you are doing other conservative treatments at the same time, as approved by your doctor (icing, gentle stretching, etc.), crutches, wheelchairs, and the like actually help your feet get the rest they need while still allowing you to get around a bit. rest is crucial, yet it's probably the hardest thing to do and the most difficult stage to deal with psychologically.

hang in there. you may need to ultimately change some things in your life (possibly the kind of work you do), but it's very likely that your feet will heal to, at the very least, a manageable level and that you will become active once again.

nancy

Re: oh my god, oh my god

linda a on 4/28/02 at 08:07 (081432)

hello kay ! i don't know how long you have been dealing w/ P.F. and what your treatments consisted of . i had dealt w/ p.f. for over 3 1/2 yrs had surgery for open P.F. and TTS on both feet august 2001 . my feet were taped up every week after starting 3months after the surgery because i could not stand to walk on them . yes, i went back to work and my job required standing . very painful . well i do want to be hopeful in this conversation . i am not 100 % improved and not back to my love of hiking and biking for 3hrs straight , BUT i am BACK to biking 30 minutes straight . do i still have pain yes . it varies from day to day ( pain level 4-7 ) and i am learning to deal w/ it . i see a counselor not only for this problem , but for my bipolar problem and i frequently visit this site to get the emotional /informational support that i need . so keep posting or reading . my name is linda and i am from louisville , Ky . it has been rain heavily all day saturaday and early sunday morning . i hate the cold damp weather , beacuse my bones and muscles ache so bad . i am 37 yrs . i received a little tip from this site to get a ' bed buddy ' . it ia heat/ cold pack . i just love it . you can put it in the microwave a zap it . take care kay . linda (Ky)

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Carole C in NOLA on 4/28/02 at 08:07 (081433)

Kay, Nancy and Laurie's posts are absolutely right and it's difficult to add more to what they said, but I will anyway. LOL

Have you seen a doctor yet, and if you have, what is his diagnosis?

If you have PF (plantar fasciitis), like most of us, the rest that your feet and legs are getting will help them to heal. For now, never ever go barefoot, even for one step and not even in the shower, and do gentle stretching (sitting, non-weightbearing stretches) before you get out of bed and several times a day. Read the heel pain book that Nancy mentioned. PF CAN be overcome.

I understand your misery more than you know! In December I could not even stand to be on my feet for as long as you can (10 minutes). By reading the heel pain book on this site, and by reading the message boards and asking questions and getting tips here, and doing what seemed helpful, I am nearly recovered. Yesterday I went to super Wal-Mart, walked around for an hour, bought a cart full of stuff including three heavy pieces of unassembled furniture, brought it all home and my feet feel fine this morning. So my point is that there IS hope. You can beat this PF monster!!!

The faster you start 'conservative treatments' (this means non-surgical treatments) the faster you will recover, so get diagnosed if you aren't and be sure to come back to the message board. People here have been very caring and helpful to me right from the start. Some of them have other conditions than PF, so if you do they can help you with those conditions too.

Carole C

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Carole C in NOLA on 4/28/02 at 08:22 (081434)

Linda, we posted at the same time. We have 89 degrees and sunny here in New Orleans. Normally I would say, 'send some of that rain my way!' because I love stormy weather that's not severe. But, Jazzfest is not over and it's such a big deal here in New Orleans, I'll 'let' you keep it.

Linda, you mentioned the topic of the emotional devastation due to PF that has affected so many of us here. Back in December and January I was very seriously considering seeking counseling because I was depressed and crying so much. This message board was my lifeline. I posted a lot and read a lot here. I don't know if I posted about my depression at the time very much or not, though knowing me I probably did. Anyway, things started looking up as my PF improved in February, so I never got around to seeing a counselor, but I would have seen one just like you are doing if things had remained that bad.

Kay, many of us have felt severely depressed when our feet are at their worst. PF tends to be a 'roller coaster ride', with your feet getter better, then worse, then better, then worse, and with your emotions going up and down like your feet. So hang on! And come back. We'll help you to get off the PF roller coaster and back to normal life.

Carole C

Re: oh my god, oh my god

nancy s. on 4/28/02 at 09:44 (081446)

kay, linda and carole are very right about the emotional devastation and the depression. few people escape at least times of depression when they have severe or long-lasting pf (or other foot problems).

my feet were severe for about two years. i got tremendous help from this site and these message boards. at times i vented my despair, yet i didn't really go into the depths of it here, i don't think, at the time. i now think it's best to let it out right at the time you're feeling it --nothing you say here will surprise anyone and no one will judge you for it, because we know what it's like.

because i held a lot of my depression in, i ended up with a major depressive episode and was hospitalized for it -- after two years of foot pain, and just as my feet were improving greatly! too much had built up over the two years, i think.

so counseling, antidepressant medication, getting support here -- whatever it takes -- but i encourage you to deal with the depression as it's sneaking up on you and happening. it's great that you posted your obvious emotional pain -- because letting it out and reading people's various responses and ways of coping are a part of healing psychologically from this awful time.

take care,
nancy

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Pam B on 4/28/02 at 10:49 (081452)

Kay, I dont completely understand why you are losing it but I know if it has to do with your feet, I can understand your anguish.......but calm down and take some deep breaths.......there is always hope.......we are here for you to vent or whine or whatever you feel like you need to do but whatever you do, dont let your feet win......sometimes we have to reach way down in our souls to find strength but girl, it is there........I cant find another post that tells me why you are so hopeless right now unless I am looking right at it and cant see it.....I am good for that.....so if you can, tell us whats up?????? in the meantime.....go easy on yourself......tomorrow is another day :) my hopes and prayers are with you as I am sure all of us here know how you feel......God Bless

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Suzanne D on 4/28/02 at 13:07 (081464)

Dear Kay,

You have already received some great advice in the above posts. I just want to add my sympathy and understanding to theirs and let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you! One day at a time is very good advice. Try not to think too far into the future; just do what you can each day. Improvement can be very slow, and then all at once you can make great gains. I pray this will happen for you!

I probably shouldn't post much more because I have a bad migraine and am not thinking very straight :-), and also storms are to come through here again soon. We had bad storms last night and this morning. Right after posting last night, I had to turn off the computer. This morning early, sme4s did damage in the northern end of the county where I live here in KY. We were spared, but more bad storms are on their way, so I will probably not be on the computer long again.

You take care, and know that many feel right along with you and care very much that you are hurting.

My best wishes to you,
Suzanne :-)

Re: Kay , deep breath and relax a min. Julie would be able to advise you on how to relax

Tammie on 4/28/02 at 16:23 (081486)

She is great and it sounds like you need some help! Kay I am sorry things are coming down on you! So many hear have offered good advise which I can add nothing as we all have been here and will tell you we manage to keep coming back and keep learning and keep trudging on looking for a way to handle and learn and find the control in our foot troubles, It feel awful when you feel like the world is going on and on without us as we are stuck in cement. Kay, take some deep breathes and try real hard to just clear your mind and just relax. Then when you feel a bit better think about things as just one step today even a little itty bitty one , one step at a time . Take each day as a day and thank the Good Lord for giving you the day to see the sunshine or see the rain and if you see the rainbow, you will know that he has made us promises and he would never ever let us suffer for no reason! I really like that little story about footsteps in the sand , it really says a lot! I forget sometimes and then it pops up in my mind to remind me patience and prayers to calm my fears and know that if I cant see my footsteps, it is because I am being carried by my angel friends here from this board . I truly think that we were given wings to help each other not only learning how to care for our pain but also how to help or friends . Or just being there to help them up when they stumble or hurt.

You will make it we will always be here for you and just remember One step at a time dont look for your print as you will see none as your friends here have tipped there wings and are carrying you thru this day and tomorrow and till you can stand firm and reach out and walk on your own. Things come around my friend have faith and patience! Also as many many of us have found , talking to your Dr. about the depression and worry in life may help as it is a very big issue to handle!I have been in your shoes I was to the end and someone rather everyone carried me till I finally seen a Dr. who helped with the depression and I am now on paxil and it has been absoulutely great there is a chance for me now!Take care and a hug to you!

Re: oh my god, oh my god

Clara on 4/29/02 at 07:20 (081559)

Hello there Kay F! I was in EXACTLY the same situation only a month ago!! I walked on crutches, I crawled around, and I cried, and cried until I had no more tears to cry! NOW I am feeling much better, I can walk again, of course it hurts, but I can walk longer for every day. I went down, and got some 'anti-depressing' pills, and I can sure you- it really helped me, for a while, I do not want to take those pills all my life!

Hang in there Kay - you´ll get better!
Hugs from
Clara

Re: oh my god, oh my god

JudyS on 4/29/02 at 10:06 (081581)

Don't panic, Kay. Well, not for more than a little bit, anyway. It's such a horrid, horrid, feeling to think that your feet will never be 'normal' again - especially when some doc is inferring that. I can tell you that, without doubt, I was exactly where you are with that sinking feeling of real fear in the gut. It's been three years for me but, even while two years ago or a year and a half ago, I was walking on razor blades and couldn't stand for five minutes, nowadays I'm living a fairly normal life. Now mind you, I don't have a job that requires me to be on my feet all day, but my nature and the lifestyle I have do. As an example, my sons and their girlfriends were home for a long weekend just this past weekend......I spent a week, plus these last four days, on my feet constantly, in better-quality clogs, getting ready for them and then being their mom and hostess. I can honestly say I had very close to no soreness. It was so remarkable that, after about three days, I went to bed one night and suddenly realized that I hadn't had to stop and ice at all.
The point being, that, with due diligence, you have a very good chance of winning out over PF. I absolutely had that same fear as you, it put me in to yukky depression more than once, but, once I decided that PF would no longer be the major control in my life, I began to overcome the fear.
If you can, leave your sore feet in their place - don't let them control your heart and your psychi too much. Instead, use your heart and your spirit to continue to be in charge of your feet.....read, stretch, ice, ibuprofen, education, tape - whatever it takes to make small, consistent steps to healing.