Home The Book Dr Articles Products Message Boards Journal Articles Search Our Surveys Surgery ESWT Dr Messages Find Good Drs video

good bye

Posted by Lisa G on 5/26/02 at 09:30 (085278)

hi everyone...
i'm leaving this board as i do not feel like i am getting the support i need and i just don't fit in...

i feel that when an unknown person at a dr's office gets more responses than some of my requests for help and support...this is jut not the place for me...

it is not anything personal...i think you are all wonderful people and i wish each and everyone of you the best of luck...maybe i'm just too needy right now for the support that you are able to give...

happy walking
lisa

i am still available to any of you who have questions regarding my treatments and my fibromyalgia...please feel free to email me at (email removed)

Re: good bye

Laurie R on 5/26/02 at 11:47 (085285)

Dear Lisa , I am so sorry you feel this way . I hope you got my last email to you . I think you are a wonderful person and I am looking forward to getting to know you .. This is a holiday weekend and a lot of people are not on the board .
This board does have some awesome people on it , I think the past few weeks here have been a lot different then normal though . I noticed that some people got their feelings hurt and somethings were said that were not to nice .

I am here or through email anytime you want to talk .. I am waiting for you to emaail me back .....

My best to you always Lisa , Laurie R

Re: good bye

Carmen on 5/26/02 at 12:44 (085290)

I don't think the 'point' of a message board is to 'fit in'. I think in my own opinion in such a VAST cyber world of people sharing different points of knowledge you should take what you want and leave the rest and not take anything personal. That's the way I see it and 99% of the time it works for me.
LOTS of times my messages got overlooked by the doctors even!!! I didn't leave, I didn't take it personally...Lisa this is a big world..and this board will offer you the best support you can get for feet problems. I hope you think twice about leaving. For your own sake.
But if you do leave...good luck! We wish you the very best.

Re: good bye

nancy s. on 5/26/02 at 16:59 (085305)

lisa: laurie and carmen are two of the many wonderful people here who give support and help.

did a post of yours get overlooked recently? that happens sometimes (especially approaching a holiday). if that happened to you, please don't take it personally. i'm glad you brought people's attention to your feeling of neglect. if something of yours didn't get responded to, can you repeat it for us, or direct us to it?

nancy

Re: good bye

Suzanne D on 5/26/02 at 17:34 (085308)

Dear Lisa,

I, too, am sorry you feel neglected or overlooked. There have been such a multitude of messages lately that it has been hard to keep up with them all! People probably do as I do and catch a glimpse of the board here and there as time allows and answer as they can. As someone else said, this being a holiday makes it a less likely time that people will post. Weekends are usually slower than through the week, I have noticed.

Another thing - and, please everyone, I don't mean to stir anything up here at all - just want to make this comment as it might help Lisa understand. There have been messages from another Lisa lately which have been at the heart of some debate and emotional messages, and I think your messages may have been confused at times with hers. Sometimes when there is a little rumbling on the board through some misunderstandings or hurt feelings, some people who don't want to become involved just skip over posts by that person/s. I am wondering if others might have mistaken yours for the other Lisa's, and maybe you didn't get as many responses as you might have otherwise.

And then, sometimes a certain post will trigger many responses; sometimes it sits alone without very many. I have had both situations occur after posts I have written. It is always a 'risk' to write something and then wonder if anyone will respond. But I think we just have to realize that people are busy and that not all things written will catch everyone's eye. That helps to keep us from taking it personally.

I wish you all the best!

Suzanne :-)

Re: good bye

Carmen on 5/26/02 at 18:51 (085309)

THAT'S exactly what I was thinking Suzanne!!!!!! I thought it was the other Lisa and I pretty much avoided that situation...for a few reasons. It gave me a headache for one. Two I love Julie....and I just couldn't see what the fuss was. three...I didn't read anything past like two or three of the messages...too much drama.

Re: good bye

wendyn on 5/26/02 at 19:36 (085315)

During nice long weekends the posts to the board go way down. They always do.

Re: to clear things up

Lisa G on 5/26/02 at 19:40 (085316)

to clear things up in regards to lisa k...i am not her...i am lisa g...i know basically what has been going on with that situation...but have totally stayed out of it, as and i am new here, didn't know all the people involved and i missed the original post that triggered all the drama...

if people were mistaking me for her and avoiding my posts...then so be it...but i'm not leaving because of that mess...

i believe a message board is a community of people who have come together with a common need...and as with any community of people...you can fit in or not fit in...with no fault of the community or the individual...

a lot of people have been friends here for a long time...and it is sometimes hard to break into an established community...and right now...i do not have the emotional energy or stamina to do that...

i am at my wit's end with my pain issues...and while i do not feel i have taken it personally that many of my posts have been skipped...i do feel that i don't have time to contribute to a board that doesn't have time for me...someone suggested that it is the best place for me to come for support and help with my feet probs...but how can it be the best place for me...if my posts are not being answered?

i did not intend to cause a big fuss...i am not personally hurt by any one...and i do not intend anyone to take my good bye personally...i could have just quit posting, i don't think anyone would have noticed if i had...i guess i wanted to make it aware to people who come here, that i have felt that i am not getting the support i needed...and maybe there are other people who have come here and left for the same reason...

if the SOLE reason that my posts were not being read is because people thought i was lisa k...i will be glad to continue to contribute to the board, i will just change my name...

lisa

Re: to clear things up

Rich on 5/26/02 at 20:38 (085321)

Lisa....just getting a chance to check in....I am so sorry you are feeling down. I understand, sometimes my posts are replied to and sometimes they are not. Weekends are a really hectic time for me...two small kids and lots of weekend projects going on. It's 8:30 pm as I type and I'm (stupidly) trying to cook down blackberries to make sweet dough pies. My first time to try this and I didn't realize it would take sooooo looooong. Still trying to decide if I left some of my marbles in the pool this afternoon.

I post in and out, but when you have a define need, please be blunt and just tell us! Especially this week, I have just been able to skim here and there. With school ending and registration for next year, work, and two surgeries in my family I don't know if I'm coming or going. I do try to log in at night so if you are on, I'm just sitting here watching the pot boil! LOL

Richelle a.k.a. Rich

Re: clearing things up too......

Carmen on 5/27/02 at 08:29 (085336)

You say
'a lot of people have been friends here for a long time...and it is sometimes hard to break into an established community...and right now...i do not have the emotional energy or stamina to do that...'

I didn't have a single friend on here almost a year ago....but it's sticking around and getting involved and understanding the board you're on that get you to the point of having friends...and having friends on this particular board has nothing to do with your posts getting answered. Believe me we have answered and tried to help even the rudest of rude posters.....(which you are NOT by any means) and it's b/c we understand the pain and frustration...and we understand where you are at right now.
'i am at my wit's end with my pain issues...and while i do not feel i have taken it personally that many of my posts have been skipped...i do feel that i don't have time to contribute to a board that doesn't have time for me...someone suggested that it is the best place for me to come for support and help with my feet probs...but how can it be the best place for me...if my posts are not being answered?'

We are ALL suffering...in some form or another....and time is very valuable to most of us. If I get even ONE reply to a post I am grateful....if I get skipped I repost with an urgent subject line.
I guess I just think that by saying 'this board doens't have time for you' to me it means you are taking it personally...and I don't want you to leave thinking we are avoiding YOU, or skipping your posts at all.
People here DO care about other people....but you have to stick around to find out. Many posts get skipped. Sometimes we either don't have the answers or just time was not on our side. That's all.
I for one...would never have left this board...even in the beginning when I was kind of ignored simply b/c the information is priceless here.
Take it from someone who has seen 8 doctors....and still has PF.
I guess what I am trying to do is to encourage you to take a break....not say good bye altogether...when you are feeling a little better the whole thing may look different to you.
and hey! look at all the attention you are getting now!!!! :o)

Re: good bye

CatherineL on 5/27/02 at 09:25 (085345)

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but find posts like this on this other boards and when I read them, they usually remind me of a temper-tantrum. People often do this when frustrated with their situation.

And Lisa, I think looking back at the posts, you were often thankful for the responses and adivce, you did get quite a bit of responses and support and often posted support and advice. So, I don't understand your reason for the goodbye, except out of frustration?

Maybe it has to do with the amount of pain and unhappiness in your life, that you are looking for something more on-line? I really don't know, and no-one here can know, but wonder if that has more to do with it than the message board and posters... Something to think about.

I wish you and everyone luck in thier daily stuggles.
CatherineL

Re: clearing things up too......

Carole C in NOLA on 5/27/02 at 10:15 (085348)

Wow! I didn't know that you didn't know anybody here almost a year ago, Carmen. When I arrived 7+ months ago, I figured that you and John h and the Nancys and Suzanne and BarbInTX had all known each other for a hundred and fifty years. Didn't stop me from posting and asking for the information and support that I needed, and offering the same to others, though.

This is the kindest, friendliest, and most patient and forgiving message board of any kind that I've ever visited, and that would include more than a handful. I don't know of any message board where all of my posts or anybody's posts are answered.

Even my doctor doesn't answer all my questions, and I pay him. :)

Carole C

Re: *sigh*

joyful...formerly known as Lisa G on 5/27/02 at 17:07 (085365)

somehow i have gone from just saying that i was leaving and why...to having a temper tantrum...in order to have a temper tantrum, i would have to have a temper...and this i do not have...a temper tantrum implies yelling and screaming and having a fit in order to get what i want...*sigh* this i have not done...

when i first started posting here...yes i recieved many responses and lots of support, which i have in-turn tried to return...as time wore on...i got less and less support...and you know...it isn't really the number of responses i recieved...it was the support...i DO appreciate every single response i have gotten...as time has gone on...i have recieved less and less support...THAT is my point...not the number of responses...but how much SUPPORT i have gotten...i obviously need more support right now than i can get at this board...

it has been pointed out in this thread that i was being confused for another lisa...people couldn't differentiate between us...if people had known ME...they would have known that i was not the other lisa...

i understand that not all posts will recieve answers...i have been around message boards and chatrooms a long time now...i also understand that we are ALL suffering in our own way...i would NEVR diminish another person's pain, thinking i hurt worse than someone else...i am not that petty...and THAT i WILL take personally...

i know that there are wonderful people here...i said that in my initial post...what i'm not finding here is something i need...that's it...plain and simple...

and THAT is my only intent...to make people aware that i am feeling lost and alone and i'm not feeling supported and a part of this community...am i expecting too much? i don't know maybe i am...when i saw the support given to so many...to want a little bit of that as i am dealing with my situation and not finding any answers, fighting a migraine that put me in the hospital, facing a surgery...all of those things have been somewhat overlooked in my posts...and that is what i mean by not finding support here...

joyful

Re: clearing things up too......

nancy s. on 5/27/02 at 17:18 (085366)

carole, of the people you mentioned it was only john h who was on the board when i arrived (in december 1999). although i haven't had much personal interaction with carmen or you, since i don't post as much as i did for a long time, i feel like i know you both and many others who have arrived during the past year.

maybe that's because each of you, when you found this site, really plunged in and didn't hold back.

it took me quite a while to feel at home here, lisa. but it was worth the time it took, many times over. i do sense your depression deeply, and i think that probably plays a role in your feeling apart from the 'community' here. i grew depressed only after i'd been here awhile (because my feet got much worse before they started getting better), so i did feel supported when the depression descended on me. it's probably harder now that way, because there are many more people here than there were when i arrived. many more!

i do hope you'll stay around and let time and whatever energy you can muster forge the connections. i feel sure it'll be worth it to you, and you seem like a very nice person with a lot to offer.

nancy

Re: clearing things up too...... p.s. to lisa

nancy s. on 5/27/02 at 18:00 (085370)

no offense at all to the person who mentioned the temper-tantrum notion, but lisa, i don't see your posting about this as a temper tantrum at all, and i doubt others do either. sometimes the only way to reach out and make a plea for support is to just plunge in and say how you're feeling. i think that's what you did, and i'm glad you did it. no shame in it at all -- it's much much better than just disappearing and feeling wounded without saying why.

i still hope you'll keep posting. as i said above, many more people post here now than used to, so things do get overlooked at times. but with the alert you've given -- and i'm glad you gave it -- you might find responses from now on that help you more in some way. i hope so.

nancy

Re: *sigh*

Carmen on 5/27/02 at 18:10 (085373)

Well the quote from your post below did it for me Lisa...I'm done trying to keep you here. I was trying to encourage you and you sem to have skipped the 'support' part of that as well. I think your concept of support here is a little askew. I don't know your history on chat rooms, and I NEVER said You didn't understand that we are all suffering and I NEVER said you were PETTY. You put that label on yourself. I was making a statement about people in here in general. So take it how you want. Personal or not. good luck.

This is from your post.
'i understand that not all posts will recieve answers...i have been around message boards and chatrooms a long time now...i also understand that we are ALL suffering in our own way...i would NEVR diminish another person's pain, thinking i hurt worse than someone else...i am not that petty...and THAT i WILL take personally...

Re: *sigh*/Lisa

Tammie on 5/27/02 at 18:17 (085374)

Dear Lisa, I would like to say several things tonight and the first is I am so very sorry that you feel this way!

Lisa I felt so bad I went back to search the messages and the replys, it was very hard to see why you feel this way. I then had a lifght go off in my head saying listen to there heart talk. This is what I hear.

I hear a woman who is very depressed over life in general , nothing is the way it used to be she is in alot of pain both physical emotional and can not realise it is to a point that all of her friends here and there can not give her what she may need. It might be the time that she needs a bit more help than we can provide for her as since I was there a short time ago some of my dear friends here gave me some tough love and in turn it helped me more then my hurt feelings or my hurt in general. Lisa we can only provide the initial help and support but it is UP to U to get the treatment from a expieranced professional! I dont remember if you have or not but it may be time to consult a dr. to help you as you seem to really need more then we can give at this time. By not telling you or suggeesting to you that more help is needed we are hurting you more. Please do not take it the way it might seem, I am truly concerned about you and I am not really sure how to go about this, forgive me if my words seem harsh as I am not really a harsh person at all!

Lisa Please dont feel that we are deserting you as I dont think that is the case or truth, you do understand that many of us are crawling the same road to find something anything to make us feel in control of our selves. Sometimes it is hard to see past our own pain to acknowledge others.Part of being a friend or caring person is not only recieveing but also giving what and how you would like to be perceived.It is a two way street and sometimes it is up to you to give more along with stating that you are in need of some special loving care as if everyone is caught up in there own posts or elseware then they realize that you need a extra hug.Being on a computor is very hard to notice the feelings as they can be laughed at or hid and we are not all blessed with mindreading.

If you feel we cant give you what you need then I plead with you to find someone somewhere a minister a spouse a friend or maybe your Dr. as it might be the time for a little help with some antidepressants or some special help. Lisa I to had a first migrane and was at hospital I understand the fear and the pain but I cant dwell on it and blame the people here , they cannot respond to every post of everyperson! I see where several people offered suppot to you, I seen alot of answers lookng back. I seen that i to offered friendship. My dear I really understand that you need something more but I may not be the one to give it to you . I feel horrible and feel like I failed at helping a angel with broken wings, I try very hard to mend the heart and te soul but I to am trying to mend my own and I am working on things myself which is a change for me. I just do not want to make you feel that it is your fault or anyone in particular as life is hard for all. Please my friend think about it and if you cant find something here find someone to help you, you are special and you are gods angel Maybe he is trying to teach you something or maybe us. In any case relax say a prayer and smile as the days teach us to care about others and to care for ourselves as we are all important to making life what it is! I want to give you a big hug and say I am truly sorry that we were not there when you needed us and forgive me I am here now and if i can help I would love to ! (((((Lisa)))) Take good care of yourself Lisa as you are special

Re: Response not always responded to?????

Pam B on 5/27/02 at 18:45 (085380)

I too have looked back and dont understand why Lisa feels this way.....I know that in the past I have responded to her both on the board and email.....my mail was not always responded to but I did not feel left out or not supported?????? I think that everyone that comes here gets emotional support from what I can see.....if I am overlooked sometimes, I just barge right back out there and try again.....no one here caters to anyone and I dont think that any of us here are stuck in little groups either????? I am sorry you feel the way you do Lisa, but after rereading posts I really dont see why you or anyone here besides maybe Joe S :) feels as though they dont fit in......I know that in the past, I have responded to you and I know others have too......but if you are not happy here or dont like the support we give, by all means I hope you find a board more to your liking someplace else.....good luck

Re: Response not always responded to?????

Sharon W on 5/27/02 at 19:07 (085383)

Pam,

I think I understand what you're saying. If there are unwritten 'rules' for etiquette on the message board I obviously don't know them, but I HAVE noticed, for example, that Carmen has developed many relationships on this board and I think that is at least partly because she ALWAYS answers her responses (unless they have fallen down below the page, and can't be seen anymore). And, Pam, YOU are another person who, I have noticed, usually responds to replies from her posts at least once. I mean, I'm not trying to 'keep score,' or anything like that, but I wanted both of you to know that I have noticed that courtesy and I appreciate it.

I try to do the same. Of course, we are all human beings and we all have our 'real' lives apart from this message board that do sometimes take priority, but I always feel good when someone takes the time to acknowledge my response, even if their acknowledgement is only half a dozen words -- and so I make an effort to show that same courtesy and consideration to others.

-- Sharon

Re: ok forget it...

joyful...formerly known as Lisa G on 5/27/02 at 20:14 (085388)

i had this really long message typed out...but i deleted it...i now feel i am being attacked and in the message i deleted i had defended myself to some of you...but i now realize that this is becoming out of hand...soooo not what i intended with my original post...

it has become a debate on how many posts i recieved...how many posts i responded to...how can i POSSIBLY NOT feel supported...a couple of you went back to see how many responses i recieved...and couldn't understand why i didn't feel support, since every message i posted got at least 1 response...well it isn't the number of responses to each of my posts, it is an overall feeling i got in general...not any one response...

well folks, the simple fact is...for whatever reason...my reason...i do not feel i am getting the kind of support i need...end of story...again...

i am not any of you...i am me...with my own set of problems, issues, concerns, etc...not to diminish any of yours...but mine are mine...i deal with them how i deal with them...

and since i posted this initial message...i have felt that several people have become antagonistic...which is probably why i have responded in some of the ways i have...and from other people, that i haven't returned all messages sent to me (email messages come to mind)i am pretty sure i have returned all email messages from this person...but i could be mistaken, i am not perfect...and see here i am getting defensive again...

so i will end this message...after this last round...i no longer even feel welcome here...

you all know where to find me if you need to talk to me...

joyful - who is feeling attacked and not at all joyful

Re: Response not always responded to?????

nancy s. on 5/27/02 at 20:29 (085391)

that's an excellent point, sharon. that makes a big difference to me, too.

Re: ok forget it...

Sharon W on 5/27/02 at 21:22 (085394)

Joyful,

My post above did not mention you at all or refer to you in any way whatsoever. It was simply a comment about how responding to people who reply to one's posts can make those who took the time to reply, feel appreciated. I have no desire at all to 'get into the fray', and there was no hidden message intended within my remarks.

-- Sharon

Re: sharon

joyful...formerly known as Lisa G on 5/27/02 at 21:47 (085397)

i did not think that your post had anything to do with me or had a hidden message...i took it for nothing other than as it was intended...

joyful

Re: Dear Lisa ~

Janet C on 5/27/02 at 22:19 (085404)

Dear Lisa ~

I am so sorry that you feel that you're not getting the support you so desperately need here. I apologize if your feelings have been hurt, but I assure you that no one has intentionally avoided your posts. I really do care, and I feel very sad when someone comes to a message board like this, only to leave because they don't feel like they're part of the group. Please stay!

May I suggest a couple of reasons why you may not have gotten the responses you were looking for? I, for one, have some days when my pain is so horrible, that I cannot think clearly enough to write. But I continue to read, and when I feel well enough, I contribute as much as I can. Also, because of my own particular situation, there are always some questions that are posted that I don't feel I have the knowledge and experience to enable me to answer in an intelligent, beneficial, and helpful way.

There are many kind, caring, wonderful, supportive individuals out here, who freely and willingly give of themselves in order to provide information, compassion and understanding. This forum has helped to provide me with the strength I need to deal with a lot of the pain and issues I have, and I have also learned so much here. I hope you will please reconsider leaving, so you, too, can benefit from this supportive forum.

Best wishes always ~ Janet

Re: Joyful

Sharon W on 5/27/02 at 22:42 (085408)

Joyful,

Thank you.

I know what it is like not to feel accepted, and I do hope that you will find the support and acceptance you need, whether it is here or somewhere else.

-- Sharon

Re: Response not always responded to?????

Carmen on 5/28/02 at 08:36 (085436)

Thanks for noticing Sharon....I try to never ignore posts to me.....
:o)

Re: *sigh*

Rich on 5/28/02 at 16:10 (085485)

I was raised on 'you reap what you sow'. I tried to be supportive but don't have time for this.

Re: clearing things up too......

john h on 5/28/02 at 21:24 (085527)

john h was here before there was dirt. alas, my feet are better than when I arrived. i think all who have had PF long enough know that is a series of ups and downs. there is nothing linear about this disease. you have to take the long view and look back a year or two years and ask I 'am I better?'. hopefully you are even if it is just a little bit.

Re: good bye

Laurie R on 5/26/02 at 11:47 (085285)

Dear Lisa , I am so sorry you feel this way . I hope you got my last email to you . I think you are a wonderful person and I am looking forward to getting to know you .. This is a holiday weekend and a lot of people are not on the board .
This board does have some awesome people on it , I think the past few weeks here have been a lot different then normal though . I noticed that some people got their feelings hurt and somethings were said that were not to nice .

I am here or through email anytime you want to talk .. I am waiting for you to emaail me back .....

My best to you always Lisa , Laurie R

Re: good bye

Carmen on 5/26/02 at 12:44 (085290)

I don't think the 'point' of a message board is to 'fit in'. I think in my own opinion in such a VAST cyber world of people sharing different points of knowledge you should take what you want and leave the rest and not take anything personal. That's the way I see it and 99% of the time it works for me.
LOTS of times my messages got overlooked by the doctors even!!! I didn't leave, I didn't take it personally...Lisa this is a big world..and this board will offer you the best support you can get for feet problems. I hope you think twice about leaving. For your own sake.
But if you do leave...good luck! We wish you the very best.

Re: good bye

nancy s. on 5/26/02 at 16:59 (085305)

lisa: laurie and carmen are two of the many wonderful people here who give support and help.

did a post of yours get overlooked recently? that happens sometimes (especially approaching a holiday). if that happened to you, please don't take it personally. i'm glad you brought people's attention to your feeling of neglect. if something of yours didn't get responded to, can you repeat it for us, or direct us to it?

nancy

Re: good bye

Suzanne D on 5/26/02 at 17:34 (085308)

Dear Lisa,

I, too, am sorry you feel neglected or overlooked. There have been such a multitude of messages lately that it has been hard to keep up with them all! People probably do as I do and catch a glimpse of the board here and there as time allows and answer as they can. As someone else said, this being a holiday makes it a less likely time that people will post. Weekends are usually slower than through the week, I have noticed.

Another thing - and, please everyone, I don't mean to stir anything up here at all - just want to make this comment as it might help Lisa understand. There have been messages from another Lisa lately which have been at the heart of some debate and emotional messages, and I think your messages may have been confused at times with hers. Sometimes when there is a little rumbling on the board through some misunderstandings or hurt feelings, some people who don't want to become involved just skip over posts by that person/s. I am wondering if others might have mistaken yours for the other Lisa's, and maybe you didn't get as many responses as you might have otherwise.

And then, sometimes a certain post will trigger many responses; sometimes it sits alone without very many. I have had both situations occur after posts I have written. It is always a 'risk' to write something and then wonder if anyone will respond. But I think we just have to realize that people are busy and that not all things written will catch everyone's eye. That helps to keep us from taking it personally.

I wish you all the best!

Suzanne :-)

Re: good bye

Carmen on 5/26/02 at 18:51 (085309)

THAT'S exactly what I was thinking Suzanne!!!!!! I thought it was the other Lisa and I pretty much avoided that situation...for a few reasons. It gave me a headache for one. Two I love Julie....and I just couldn't see what the fuss was. three...I didn't read anything past like two or three of the messages...too much drama.

Re: good bye

wendyn on 5/26/02 at 19:36 (085315)

During nice long weekends the posts to the board go way down. They always do.

Re: to clear things up

Lisa G on 5/26/02 at 19:40 (085316)

to clear things up in regards to lisa k...i am not her...i am lisa g...i know basically what has been going on with that situation...but have totally stayed out of it, as and i am new here, didn't know all the people involved and i missed the original post that triggered all the drama...

if people were mistaking me for her and avoiding my posts...then so be it...but i'm not leaving because of that mess...

i believe a message board is a community of people who have come together with a common need...and as with any community of people...you can fit in or not fit in...with no fault of the community or the individual...

a lot of people have been friends here for a long time...and it is sometimes hard to break into an established community...and right now...i do not have the emotional energy or stamina to do that...

i am at my wit's end with my pain issues...and while i do not feel i have taken it personally that many of my posts have been skipped...i do feel that i don't have time to contribute to a board that doesn't have time for me...someone suggested that it is the best place for me to come for support and help with my feet probs...but how can it be the best place for me...if my posts are not being answered?

i did not intend to cause a big fuss...i am not personally hurt by any one...and i do not intend anyone to take my good bye personally...i could have just quit posting, i don't think anyone would have noticed if i had...i guess i wanted to make it aware to people who come here, that i have felt that i am not getting the support i needed...and maybe there are other people who have come here and left for the same reason...

if the SOLE reason that my posts were not being read is because people thought i was lisa k...i will be glad to continue to contribute to the board, i will just change my name...

lisa

Re: to clear things up

Rich on 5/26/02 at 20:38 (085321)

Lisa....just getting a chance to check in....I am so sorry you are feeling down. I understand, sometimes my posts are replied to and sometimes they are not. Weekends are a really hectic time for me...two small kids and lots of weekend projects going on. It's 8:30 pm as I type and I'm (stupidly) trying to cook down blackberries to make sweet dough pies. My first time to try this and I didn't realize it would take sooooo looooong. Still trying to decide if I left some of my marbles in the pool this afternoon.

I post in and out, but when you have a define need, please be blunt and just tell us! Especially this week, I have just been able to skim here and there. With school ending and registration for next year, work, and two surgeries in my family I don't know if I'm coming or going. I do try to log in at night so if you are on, I'm just sitting here watching the pot boil! LOL

Richelle a.k.a. Rich

Re: clearing things up too......

Carmen on 5/27/02 at 08:29 (085336)

You say
'a lot of people have been friends here for a long time...and it is sometimes hard to break into an established community...and right now...i do not have the emotional energy or stamina to do that...'

I didn't have a single friend on here almost a year ago....but it's sticking around and getting involved and understanding the board you're on that get you to the point of having friends...and having friends on this particular board has nothing to do with your posts getting answered. Believe me we have answered and tried to help even the rudest of rude posters.....(which you are NOT by any means) and it's b/c we understand the pain and frustration...and we understand where you are at right now.
'i am at my wit's end with my pain issues...and while i do not feel i have taken it personally that many of my posts have been skipped...i do feel that i don't have time to contribute to a board that doesn't have time for me...someone suggested that it is the best place for me to come for support and help with my feet probs...but how can it be the best place for me...if my posts are not being answered?'

We are ALL suffering...in some form or another....and time is very valuable to most of us. If I get even ONE reply to a post I am grateful....if I get skipped I repost with an urgent subject line.
I guess I just think that by saying 'this board doens't have time for you' to me it means you are taking it personally...and I don't want you to leave thinking we are avoiding YOU, or skipping your posts at all.
People here DO care about other people....but you have to stick around to find out. Many posts get skipped. Sometimes we either don't have the answers or just time was not on our side. That's all.
I for one...would never have left this board...even in the beginning when I was kind of ignored simply b/c the information is priceless here.
Take it from someone who has seen 8 doctors....and still has PF.
I guess what I am trying to do is to encourage you to take a break....not say good bye altogether...when you are feeling a little better the whole thing may look different to you.
and hey! look at all the attention you are getting now!!!! :o)

Re: good bye

CatherineL on 5/27/02 at 09:25 (085345)

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but find posts like this on this other boards and when I read them, they usually remind me of a temper-tantrum. People often do this when frustrated with their situation.

And Lisa, I think looking back at the posts, you were often thankful for the responses and adivce, you did get quite a bit of responses and support and often posted support and advice. So, I don't understand your reason for the goodbye, except out of frustration?

Maybe it has to do with the amount of pain and unhappiness in your life, that you are looking for something more on-line? I really don't know, and no-one here can know, but wonder if that has more to do with it than the message board and posters... Something to think about.

I wish you and everyone luck in thier daily stuggles.
CatherineL

Re: clearing things up too......

Carole C in NOLA on 5/27/02 at 10:15 (085348)

Wow! I didn't know that you didn't know anybody here almost a year ago, Carmen. When I arrived 7+ months ago, I figured that you and John h and the Nancys and Suzanne and BarbInTX had all known each other for a hundred and fifty years. Didn't stop me from posting and asking for the information and support that I needed, and offering the same to others, though.

This is the kindest, friendliest, and most patient and forgiving message board of any kind that I've ever visited, and that would include more than a handful. I don't know of any message board where all of my posts or anybody's posts are answered.

Even my doctor doesn't answer all my questions, and I pay him. :)

Carole C

Re: *sigh*

joyful...formerly known as Lisa G on 5/27/02 at 17:07 (085365)

somehow i have gone from just saying that i was leaving and why...to having a temper tantrum...in order to have a temper tantrum, i would have to have a temper...and this i do not have...a temper tantrum implies yelling and screaming and having a fit in order to get what i want...*sigh* this i have not done...

when i first started posting here...yes i recieved many responses and lots of support, which i have in-turn tried to return...as time wore on...i got less and less support...and you know...it isn't really the number of responses i recieved...it was the support...i DO appreciate every single response i have gotten...as time has gone on...i have recieved less and less support...THAT is my point...not the number of responses...but how much SUPPORT i have gotten...i obviously need more support right now than i can get at this board...

it has been pointed out in this thread that i was being confused for another lisa...people couldn't differentiate between us...if people had known ME...they would have known that i was not the other lisa...

i understand that not all posts will recieve answers...i have been around message boards and chatrooms a long time now...i also understand that we are ALL suffering in our own way...i would NEVR diminish another person's pain, thinking i hurt worse than someone else...i am not that petty...and THAT i WILL take personally...

i know that there are wonderful people here...i said that in my initial post...what i'm not finding here is something i need...that's it...plain and simple...

and THAT is my only intent...to make people aware that i am feeling lost and alone and i'm not feeling supported and a part of this community...am i expecting too much? i don't know maybe i am...when i saw the support given to so many...to want a little bit of that as i am dealing with my situation and not finding any answers, fighting a migraine that put me in the hospital, facing a surgery...all of those things have been somewhat overlooked in my posts...and that is what i mean by not finding support here...

joyful

Re: clearing things up too......

nancy s. on 5/27/02 at 17:18 (085366)

carole, of the people you mentioned it was only john h who was on the board when i arrived (in december 1999). although i haven't had much personal interaction with carmen or you, since i don't post as much as i did for a long time, i feel like i know you both and many others who have arrived during the past year.

maybe that's because each of you, when you found this site, really plunged in and didn't hold back.

it took me quite a while to feel at home here, lisa. but it was worth the time it took, many times over. i do sense your depression deeply, and i think that probably plays a role in your feeling apart from the 'community' here. i grew depressed only after i'd been here awhile (because my feet got much worse before they started getting better), so i did feel supported when the depression descended on me. it's probably harder now that way, because there are many more people here than there were when i arrived. many more!

i do hope you'll stay around and let time and whatever energy you can muster forge the connections. i feel sure it'll be worth it to you, and you seem like a very nice person with a lot to offer.

nancy

Re: clearing things up too...... p.s. to lisa

nancy s. on 5/27/02 at 18:00 (085370)

no offense at all to the person who mentioned the temper-tantrum notion, but lisa, i don't see your posting about this as a temper tantrum at all, and i doubt others do either. sometimes the only way to reach out and make a plea for support is to just plunge in and say how you're feeling. i think that's what you did, and i'm glad you did it. no shame in it at all -- it's much much better than just disappearing and feeling wounded without saying why.

i still hope you'll keep posting. as i said above, many more people post here now than used to, so things do get overlooked at times. but with the alert you've given -- and i'm glad you gave it -- you might find responses from now on that help you more in some way. i hope so.

nancy

Re: *sigh*

Carmen on 5/27/02 at 18:10 (085373)

Well the quote from your post below did it for me Lisa...I'm done trying to keep you here. I was trying to encourage you and you sem to have skipped the 'support' part of that as well. I think your concept of support here is a little askew. I don't know your history on chat rooms, and I NEVER said You didn't understand that we are all suffering and I NEVER said you were PETTY. You put that label on yourself. I was making a statement about people in here in general. So take it how you want. Personal or not. good luck.

This is from your post.
'i understand that not all posts will recieve answers...i have been around message boards and chatrooms a long time now...i also understand that we are ALL suffering in our own way...i would NEVR diminish another person's pain, thinking i hurt worse than someone else...i am not that petty...and THAT i WILL take personally...

Re: *sigh*/Lisa

Tammie on 5/27/02 at 18:17 (085374)

Dear Lisa, I would like to say several things tonight and the first is I am so very sorry that you feel this way!

Lisa I felt so bad I went back to search the messages and the replys, it was very hard to see why you feel this way. I then had a lifght go off in my head saying listen to there heart talk. This is what I hear.

I hear a woman who is very depressed over life in general , nothing is the way it used to be she is in alot of pain both physical emotional and can not realise it is to a point that all of her friends here and there can not give her what she may need. It might be the time that she needs a bit more help than we can provide for her as since I was there a short time ago some of my dear friends here gave me some tough love and in turn it helped me more then my hurt feelings or my hurt in general. Lisa we can only provide the initial help and support but it is UP to U to get the treatment from a expieranced professional! I dont remember if you have or not but it may be time to consult a dr. to help you as you seem to really need more then we can give at this time. By not telling you or suggeesting to you that more help is needed we are hurting you more. Please do not take it the way it might seem, I am truly concerned about you and I am not really sure how to go about this, forgive me if my words seem harsh as I am not really a harsh person at all!

Lisa Please dont feel that we are deserting you as I dont think that is the case or truth, you do understand that many of us are crawling the same road to find something anything to make us feel in control of our selves. Sometimes it is hard to see past our own pain to acknowledge others.Part of being a friend or caring person is not only recieveing but also giving what and how you would like to be perceived.It is a two way street and sometimes it is up to you to give more along with stating that you are in need of some special loving care as if everyone is caught up in there own posts or elseware then they realize that you need a extra hug.Being on a computor is very hard to notice the feelings as they can be laughed at or hid and we are not all blessed with mindreading.

If you feel we cant give you what you need then I plead with you to find someone somewhere a minister a spouse a friend or maybe your Dr. as it might be the time for a little help with some antidepressants or some special help. Lisa I to had a first migrane and was at hospital I understand the fear and the pain but I cant dwell on it and blame the people here , they cannot respond to every post of everyperson! I see where several people offered suppot to you, I seen alot of answers lookng back. I seen that i to offered friendship. My dear I really understand that you need something more but I may not be the one to give it to you . I feel horrible and feel like I failed at helping a angel with broken wings, I try very hard to mend the heart and te soul but I to am trying to mend my own and I am working on things myself which is a change for me. I just do not want to make you feel that it is your fault or anyone in particular as life is hard for all. Please my friend think about it and if you cant find something here find someone to help you, you are special and you are gods angel Maybe he is trying to teach you something or maybe us. In any case relax say a prayer and smile as the days teach us to care about others and to care for ourselves as we are all important to making life what it is! I want to give you a big hug and say I am truly sorry that we were not there when you needed us and forgive me I am here now and if i can help I would love to ! (((((Lisa)))) Take good care of yourself Lisa as you are special

Re: Response not always responded to?????

Pam B on 5/27/02 at 18:45 (085380)

I too have looked back and dont understand why Lisa feels this way.....I know that in the past I have responded to her both on the board and email.....my mail was not always responded to but I did not feel left out or not supported?????? I think that everyone that comes here gets emotional support from what I can see.....if I am overlooked sometimes, I just barge right back out there and try again.....no one here caters to anyone and I dont think that any of us here are stuck in little groups either????? I am sorry you feel the way you do Lisa, but after rereading posts I really dont see why you or anyone here besides maybe Joe S :) feels as though they dont fit in......I know that in the past, I have responded to you and I know others have too......but if you are not happy here or dont like the support we give, by all means I hope you find a board more to your liking someplace else.....good luck

Re: Response not always responded to?????

Sharon W on 5/27/02 at 19:07 (085383)

Pam,

I think I understand what you're saying. If there are unwritten 'rules' for etiquette on the message board I obviously don't know them, but I HAVE noticed, for example, that Carmen has developed many relationships on this board and I think that is at least partly because she ALWAYS answers her responses (unless they have fallen down below the page, and can't be seen anymore). And, Pam, YOU are another person who, I have noticed, usually responds to replies from her posts at least once. I mean, I'm not trying to 'keep score,' or anything like that, but I wanted both of you to know that I have noticed that courtesy and I appreciate it.

I try to do the same. Of course, we are all human beings and we all have our 'real' lives apart from this message board that do sometimes take priority, but I always feel good when someone takes the time to acknowledge my response, even if their acknowledgement is only half a dozen words -- and so I make an effort to show that same courtesy and consideration to others.

-- Sharon

Re: ok forget it...

joyful...formerly known as Lisa G on 5/27/02 at 20:14 (085388)

i had this really long message typed out...but i deleted it...i now feel i am being attacked and in the message i deleted i had defended myself to some of you...but i now realize that this is becoming out of hand...soooo not what i intended with my original post...

it has become a debate on how many posts i recieved...how many posts i responded to...how can i POSSIBLY NOT feel supported...a couple of you went back to see how many responses i recieved...and couldn't understand why i didn't feel support, since every message i posted got at least 1 response...well it isn't the number of responses to each of my posts, it is an overall feeling i got in general...not any one response...

well folks, the simple fact is...for whatever reason...my reason...i do not feel i am getting the kind of support i need...end of story...again...

i am not any of you...i am me...with my own set of problems, issues, concerns, etc...not to diminish any of yours...but mine are mine...i deal with them how i deal with them...

and since i posted this initial message...i have felt that several people have become antagonistic...which is probably why i have responded in some of the ways i have...and from other people, that i haven't returned all messages sent to me (email messages come to mind)i am pretty sure i have returned all email messages from this person...but i could be mistaken, i am not perfect...and see here i am getting defensive again...

so i will end this message...after this last round...i no longer even feel welcome here...

you all know where to find me if you need to talk to me...

joyful - who is feeling attacked and not at all joyful

Re: Response not always responded to?????

nancy s. on 5/27/02 at 20:29 (085391)

that's an excellent point, sharon. that makes a big difference to me, too.

Re: ok forget it...

Sharon W on 5/27/02 at 21:22 (085394)

Joyful,

My post above did not mention you at all or refer to you in any way whatsoever. It was simply a comment about how responding to people who reply to one's posts can make those who took the time to reply, feel appreciated. I have no desire at all to 'get into the fray', and there was no hidden message intended within my remarks.

-- Sharon

Re: sharon

joyful...formerly known as Lisa G on 5/27/02 at 21:47 (085397)

i did not think that your post had anything to do with me or had a hidden message...i took it for nothing other than as it was intended...

joyful

Re: Dear Lisa ~

Janet C on 5/27/02 at 22:19 (085404)

Dear Lisa ~

I am so sorry that you feel that you're not getting the support you so desperately need here. I apologize if your feelings have been hurt, but I assure you that no one has intentionally avoided your posts. I really do care, and I feel very sad when someone comes to a message board like this, only to leave because they don't feel like they're part of the group. Please stay!

May I suggest a couple of reasons why you may not have gotten the responses you were looking for? I, for one, have some days when my pain is so horrible, that I cannot think clearly enough to write. But I continue to read, and when I feel well enough, I contribute as much as I can. Also, because of my own particular situation, there are always some questions that are posted that I don't feel I have the knowledge and experience to enable me to answer in an intelligent, beneficial, and helpful way.

There are many kind, caring, wonderful, supportive individuals out here, who freely and willingly give of themselves in order to provide information, compassion and understanding. This forum has helped to provide me with the strength I need to deal with a lot of the pain and issues I have, and I have also learned so much here. I hope you will please reconsider leaving, so you, too, can benefit from this supportive forum.

Best wishes always ~ Janet

Re: Joyful

Sharon W on 5/27/02 at 22:42 (085408)

Joyful,

Thank you.

I know what it is like not to feel accepted, and I do hope that you will find the support and acceptance you need, whether it is here or somewhere else.

-- Sharon

Re: Response not always responded to?????

Carmen on 5/28/02 at 08:36 (085436)

Thanks for noticing Sharon....I try to never ignore posts to me.....
:o)

Re: *sigh*

Rich on 5/28/02 at 16:10 (085485)

I was raised on 'you reap what you sow'. I tried to be supportive but don't have time for this.

Re: clearing things up too......

john h on 5/28/02 at 21:24 (085527)

john h was here before there was dirt. alas, my feet are better than when I arrived. i think all who have had PF long enough know that is a series of ups and downs. there is nothing linear about this disease. you have to take the long view and look back a year or two years and ask I 'am I better?'. hopefully you are even if it is just a little bit.