Home The Book Dr Articles Products Message Boards Journal Articles Search Our Surveys Surgery ESWT Dr Messages Find Good Drs video

Yesterday wasn't a good day

Posted by Kathy G on 5/30/02 at 08:30 (085743)

Hi All,

I tend to be very private about my private life but I am so upset I need to share with you, many of whom I consider to be my friends. Yesterday at 5 pm, I received a call from my son's soon-to-be fiance. She was hysterical and started the phone call by saying, 'Kathy, the most terrible thing has happened!' Well, my first assumption was that something had happened to my son because while they don't live together, they live just a few streets apart. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I felt that way or if I ever have. Well, thank the good Lord, it wasn't my son, but it is terribly sad. Her mother, who's only 51, had just died. She got off the phone from ICU and immediately called me because she needed to get in touch with my son who was out golfing and she figured I could track him down for her.

Her mother had not been sick but she did have a blood disorder which she had been dealing with for the last six years. She worked and lived a very active life, and had just moved to Florida where she and her husband had bought a lovely villa on the intercostal waterway. She had gone to the doctor or the hospital (the story is still not clear to me) on Tuesday morning and they had sent her home after doing an inhalation therapy. On Wednesday, she went back to the hospital, was admitted and at three o'clock when my future daughter-in-law spoke with her, she was doing very well. When she called her back at 5pm, her call got routed to the ICU and the doctor told her that her mother had taken a turn for the worse and had just passed away. Her lungs had filled with fluid and her heart gave out.

I did get in touch with my son and they are down in New Jersey now which is where her parents had lived prior to moving to Florida, and he's calling me later on with the pertinent details.

We were all to leave tomorrow morning for my neice's wedding this weekend in Annapolis. My husband, daughter and I will still go to the wedding but we'll sorely miss my son and his fiance.

Sorry, I know we're all really strangers but I needed to share. I didn't sleep all night and I have this feeling that I should be doing something but I don't know what it is. I think I've just stopped shaking and reliving that horrible moment when I thought she was calling to tell me that something had happened to my son.

Thank you all for being there! I feel better for having vented!

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Valerie S on 5/30/02 at 08:36 (085746)

Hi Kathy,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Yes, we are sort of strangers, but you can come here for support on just about anything and find someone who cares. I wish I knew what to say, but I've never been good at these things. My husband lost his mother 2 years ago, and even though he rarely talks about it, I know that he is still deeply sad inside. I don't know what I will do without my mom someday. Gee, what a terrible thought. :(

Take care and may God bless you and your family.

Val.

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

nancy s. on 5/30/02 at 09:05 (085752)

kathy, what an awful shock, in all ways. my deepest condolences. i know that for a while, too, you'll relive that terrible moment. after the worst is over, try hard to stop that thought when it comes to you. it didn't happen.

51 seems so young to me now! (i'm 52.) what a tragedy. i am sorry.

nancy

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Mahatmelissama on 5/30/02 at 10:36 (085761)

I think that it shows she is comfortable with you as her future mother in law to call you when she was in so much emotional pain. I do hope she finds a healing being in a new family...with her mother passed on.

I think the only other thing you can do besides praying is tell her that 'you are here for her to talk if she needs to' and maybe help her if she is not able to think straight with things (like planning the wedding). You do sound like a sweet mother-to-be-in-law.

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

JudyS on 5/30/02 at 11:57 (085774)

Kathy, I understand your need to put your anguish down in writing - good for you that you knew you'd find a safe place, here, to do it.
My heart goes out to you and your family and I'll be sure to say a little prayer for you.

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Suzanne D on 5/30/02 at 12:48 (085777)

Dear Kathy,

I am so saddened by your news, Kathy! My heart goes out to you and your family. I think - as others have written - that your future daughter-in-law has a good relationship with you and that you will be very important to her in the next few years. My nephew got married last October, and both his wife's parents are dead. My sister-in-law tried to be a mother for her daughter-in-law, and it seemed to be a great comfort to her.

You are right that we are 'strangers' in the sense that most of us have not met. However, as we have shared our hopes and dreams, our fears, our heartaches, our joys and triumphs, we are really not strangers at all. We are close friends, and I am glad that it helped you to tell us about your sad news.

I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your future daughter-in-law!

Suzanne :-)

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Donna F on 5/30/02 at 16:14 (085812)

Kathy,

Although I am new to these boards, I wanted to take a moment to tell you how sorry I am and to offer my prayers and support to you and your family. My mother and I share a very close relationship and I don't know what I would do if anything happened to her. Please know that you are in all of our thoughts and prayers.

Re: I am sorry , remember the gift is given the tears of love

Tammie on 5/30/02 at 19:47 (085842)

I along with many others feel so very bad to hear this as it could have been anyone of us. I dont think anyone can really prepare for things such as this Death, But I think that the lord holds out his hands to all of his children to help them all with the burdens they may have and try to let the angels in his house be sent around so that noone is ever alone!

I know many do not share my ways of beleif in fact I tend to look at things from my own thoughts and beliefs, I like to think that this is something he gives and takes and what he leaves behind is the stories the mamories and the open book of the life as it comes back to him. I believe the tears that are shed is the gold he gives the lost and those who remain to heal there hearts as it feels good to cry but it is even better to think of the good times and the bad and also the funny crazy antics that you all share in the years. So the best gift you or anyone can give is a hug a smile a touch and a word of comfort or maybe a story to share that was all about that loved one. You keep the loved one alive in there hearts as that is the wonderful gift to keep close and never forget. Mothers are especially hard as they bond with there children before birth and it is very hard to leave at there time as they are still worrying about all they must do or get done to make things perfect for all! I am sure you will be very helpful to her thru the times ahead. Love to you all and may god make your heartache lighter thru the love and tears and the kindness that is showwered on to you all!

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Laurie R on 5/30/02 at 19:57 (085843)

Dear Kathy , Wow she was so very young to lose her life .... My heart goes out to you and your family. Your Poor daughter in law , how very sad . I will sure add you and your family to my prayers ...... Laurie R

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Valerie S on 5/30/02 at 08:36 (085746)

Hi Kathy,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Yes, we are sort of strangers, but you can come here for support on just about anything and find someone who cares. I wish I knew what to say, but I've never been good at these things. My husband lost his mother 2 years ago, and even though he rarely talks about it, I know that he is still deeply sad inside. I don't know what I will do without my mom someday. Gee, what a terrible thought. :(

Take care and may God bless you and your family.

Val.

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

nancy s. on 5/30/02 at 09:05 (085752)

kathy, what an awful shock, in all ways. my deepest condolences. i know that for a while, too, you'll relive that terrible moment. after the worst is over, try hard to stop that thought when it comes to you. it didn't happen.

51 seems so young to me now! (i'm 52.) what a tragedy. i am sorry.

nancy

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Mahatmelissama on 5/30/02 at 10:36 (085761)

I think that it shows she is comfortable with you as her future mother in law to call you when she was in so much emotional pain. I do hope she finds a healing being in a new family...with her mother passed on.

I think the only other thing you can do besides praying is tell her that 'you are here for her to talk if she needs to' and maybe help her if she is not able to think straight with things (like planning the wedding). You do sound like a sweet mother-to-be-in-law.

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

JudyS on 5/30/02 at 11:57 (085774)

Kathy, I understand your need to put your anguish down in writing - good for you that you knew you'd find a safe place, here, to do it.
My heart goes out to you and your family and I'll be sure to say a little prayer for you.

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Suzanne D on 5/30/02 at 12:48 (085777)

Dear Kathy,

I am so saddened by your news, Kathy! My heart goes out to you and your family. I think - as others have written - that your future daughter-in-law has a good relationship with you and that you will be very important to her in the next few years. My nephew got married last October, and both his wife's parents are dead. My sister-in-law tried to be a mother for her daughter-in-law, and it seemed to be a great comfort to her.

You are right that we are 'strangers' in the sense that most of us have not met. However, as we have shared our hopes and dreams, our fears, our heartaches, our joys and triumphs, we are really not strangers at all. We are close friends, and I am glad that it helped you to tell us about your sad news.

I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your future daughter-in-law!

Suzanne :-)

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Donna F on 5/30/02 at 16:14 (085812)

Kathy,

Although I am new to these boards, I wanted to take a moment to tell you how sorry I am and to offer my prayers and support to you and your family. My mother and I share a very close relationship and I don't know what I would do if anything happened to her. Please know that you are in all of our thoughts and prayers.

Re: I am sorry , remember the gift is given the tears of love

Tammie on 5/30/02 at 19:47 (085842)

I along with many others feel so very bad to hear this as it could have been anyone of us. I dont think anyone can really prepare for things such as this Death, But I think that the lord holds out his hands to all of his children to help them all with the burdens they may have and try to let the angels in his house be sent around so that noone is ever alone!

I know many do not share my ways of beleif in fact I tend to look at things from my own thoughts and beliefs, I like to think that this is something he gives and takes and what he leaves behind is the stories the mamories and the open book of the life as it comes back to him. I believe the tears that are shed is the gold he gives the lost and those who remain to heal there hearts as it feels good to cry but it is even better to think of the good times and the bad and also the funny crazy antics that you all share in the years. So the best gift you or anyone can give is a hug a smile a touch and a word of comfort or maybe a story to share that was all about that loved one. You keep the loved one alive in there hearts as that is the wonderful gift to keep close and never forget. Mothers are especially hard as they bond with there children before birth and it is very hard to leave at there time as they are still worrying about all they must do or get done to make things perfect for all! I am sure you will be very helpful to her thru the times ahead. Love to you all and may god make your heartache lighter thru the love and tears and the kindness that is showwered on to you all!

Re: Yesterday wasn't a good day

Laurie R on 5/30/02 at 19:57 (085843)

Dear Kathy , Wow she was so very young to lose her life .... My heart goes out to you and your family. Your Poor daughter in law , how very sad . I will sure add you and your family to my prayers ...... Laurie R