Home The Book Dr Articles Products Message Boards Journal Articles Search Our Surveys Surgery ESWT Dr Messages Find Good Drs video

some cold weather cheer

Posted by Leon S. on 1/23/03 at 15:53 (106501)

Maybe this will cheer some of you up a little.

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who
once said: 'I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and
replaced by exact duplicates.'

His mind sees things differently than we do - to our amazement and
amusement. Here are some more of his gems:

- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

- Half the people you know are below average.

- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

- I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn
louder.'

- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

Re: some cold weather cheer

pala on 1/23/03 at 15:59 (106502)

lol..

Re: some cold weather cheer

Suzanne D on 1/23/03 at 20:55 (106547)

Thanks for sharing these, Leon! They were amusing. I particularly liked 'Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.'

I think I ran out of film some time ago, and the stores have quit selling my speed, I think!

Suzanne :-)

Re: some cold weather cheer

pala on 1/23/03 at 15:59 (106502)

lol..

Re: some cold weather cheer

Suzanne D on 1/23/03 at 20:55 (106547)

Thanks for sharing these, Leon! They were amusing. I particularly liked 'Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.'

I think I ran out of film some time ago, and the stores have quit selling my speed, I think!

Suzanne :-)