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A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Posted by BrianG on 1/06/04 at 19:07 (141507)

Subject: 7 reasons not to mess with a child

 
 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.   > > > The teachersaid it was physically impossible for a
 whale to swallow a human because even though it was
 a very large mammal its throat was very small.
 The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a
 whale.
 Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could  > > > not swallow a human; it was physically  impossible.
 The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask
 Jonah'.
 The teacher asked, ' What if Jonah went to hell?'
 The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
 
 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom
 of children while they were drawing. She would
 occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
 As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, > > > she asked what the drawing was.
 The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
 The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what
 God looks like.'
 Without missing a beat, or looking up from her
 drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
 
 
 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
 Commandments with her five and six year olds.
 After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy
 Father and thy Mother, she asked,
 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
 treat our brothers and sisters?'
 Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of  
 a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
 
 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her
 mother do the dishes at the kitchen si nk. She suddenly
 noticed that her mother had several strands of white
 hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
 She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,
 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
 Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do
 something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of
 my hairs turns white.'
 The little girl thought about this revelation for a while > > > and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's
 hairs are white?'
 
The children had all been photographed, and the
 teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a
 copy of the group picture.
 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you   > > > are all grown up and say,
 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's  
 Michael, He's a doctor.'
 A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
 'And there's the teacher, She's dead.

 A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of
 the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer,
 she  said,  'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
 blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn > > > red in the face..'  'Yes,' the class said.
 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
 the ordinary position the blood do esn't run into my
 feet?' A little fellow shouted,  'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
 
 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a
 Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of
 the table was a large pile of apples.
 The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
 'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
 Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end
 of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
 A child had written a note, 'Take all you want.
 God is watching the apples.

Regards
BrianG

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Suzanne D. on 1/06/04 at 20:04 (141512)

Thanks, Brian! :)) :)) :))

Suzanne :)

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Kathy in Ky on 1/06/04 at 20:06 (141513)

Thanks! My favorite one was the class picture joke, I'm taking that in to share with the other teachers tomorrow. I needed some humor after our staff mtg today at school! Can stress make your feet hurt? My feet are throbbing tonight!

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Suzanne D. on 1/06/04 at 20:14 (141514)

Kathy, my mother used to say that stress made the weakest points in our body hurt. That seems to hold some truth. I think many of us have remarked on the message board in the past that stress seems to make our pain worse.

Sorry you had a stressful staff meeting. Been there; done that! :)

That class picture one was funny, wasn't it?

Suzanne :)

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Carole C in NOLA on 1/06/04 at 21:01 (141516)

Brian, that was so cute! I especially loved the one about the child drawing God. A drawing is art, not a photograph, and a child could draw an artistic impression of God. Besides, what matters is what the drawing means to him.

Carole C

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

JudyS on 1/06/04 at 21:41 (141522)

Thanks Brian - that was cute!

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Dorothy on 1/07/04 at 00:46 (141539)

Big laughs but especially for the last one! Many thanks for the good laughs.

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Kathy G on 1/07/04 at 09:11 (141555)

Great, Brian! Thanks!

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

marie on 1/07/04 at 11:06 (141569)

:)):)):))!!!! I needed that.....thank you so much!

marie

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Lari S. on 1/07/04 at 19:59 (141597)

Thanks, Brian, I needed a good laugh. The 'drawing God' reminded me of my youngest when he was in Kindergarten. He started at the top of his class, but by the end of the year his teacher called me in to say he was failing. Every 6 weeks she gave the kids the same test about colors, numbers, etc., etc. to show progress, and he had regressed to the point that he couldn't remember any of it. She couldn't understand it, and had me take him to the school psychologist. The s.p. gave him the same test, and he zipped through it. When she asked him why he knew everything now when he didn't know it the day before when his teacher gave him the test he said, 'If Mrs. Lee doesn't know it by now, she never will!' Needless to say, Mrs. Lee passed him on to 1st grade...
Lari

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Suzanne D. on 1/07/04 at 21:30 (141603)

Oh, Lari, what a story! I imagine your son was quite precocious!

That reminded me of a little boy I had in first grade about 12 years ago. His mom brought him by our school to meet me during one of our work days before school opened. When they walked in, I was standing on a table, putting up wall decorations.

He looked up and said, 'Well, would you like me to tell you all I know?' His mom was embarassed and quickly told him I was too busy for that. His reply was quite practical, 'Well, how will she know what to teach me if she doesn't know what I already know?'

Pretty good thinking, wasn't it?
Suzanne :)

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Lari S. on 1/08/04 at 12:32 (141640)

Oh yes, he was always our most 'challenging' of the 3, but at least we never had a dull moment...lol His 6th grade teacher still stops me at the post office to see what he's up to, and he will be 28 this year! She says he was one of her 'most memorable' students. I'm just glad she survived the experience. It was always a challenge to keep him focused and on track. He was very bright (scored in the top 1% on the SAT's), but couldn't see doing any of what he called 'busy work' or 'checking stupid boxes'. Needless to say, he was not a perfect fit for our standard educational systems. The other 2 were National Merit Scholars and thrived on dotting every 'i' and crossing every 't', so being 'the baby' he came as quite a shock to us. The funny thing is that he is now in the Air Force setting up satellite communications where they have more busy work and checking boxes than anything else he could have done. Go figure...
Lari

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Suzanne D. on 1/09/04 at 08:15 (141671)

Lari, it sounds like you have children who have all acheieved well! Sometimes those most talented/gifted are quite challenging to teach, but I love the challenge.

I have a little boy coming to my class for reading this year from one of the kindergarten rooms. And he is about to master all sections of the reading tests which they hope children will complete by the end of second grade. But at this point he is unspoiled and seeminly unaware that he is at such a high level. He loves his kindergarten class, and although he can read the word 'investigate' with no problem, he still gets excited with his class' activities and makes friends easily. I hope it will always be that way for him in school.

Suzanne :)

Re: A little humor, for the teachers and mommies

Lari S. on 1/09/04 at 12:01 (141693)

How exciting to have a student that loves school! I really think that a love of reading is the key to success in school. That may be why our kids did pretty well. We lived in Germany (5 years)from the time they were infants until they were in K - 2nd. We didn't watch much TV, but we were (still are)always reading. All of them are now voracious readers. They also pick up languages very easily. I think that living in Germany and attending the local Montessori school (German speaking)in our town until they started school on the base was a big factor. We had exchange students living with us when I was growing up, so I wanted to find a place that was not an 'American settlement'. We were the only Americans in the town, so learned German and became absorbed into the community.

Have fun teaching your gifted student. My sister-in-law and her son and his wife are all teachers. It's always fun to hear their stories of that 'special' student. My sister-in-law has children of her former students whose parents requested her as their child's teacher. Teachers are really a special breed.

Lari
Lari