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Tax time

Posted by Bob G on 4/14/04 at 00:53 (148842)

The local bar was so sure that its bartenter was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, truck drivers, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, 'I'd like to try the bet.'

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said 'Okay,' grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, 'What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?'

The man replied, 'I work for the IRS.'

Re: Tax time

Necee on 4/14/04 at 01:49 (148843)

Thats a good one Bob.....and how true!
I've been working on our taxes for weeks now, today I finally got it mailed. Boy, am I glad thats over with!!

Happy trails....

Necee

Re: Tax time

Carole C in NOLA on 4/14/04 at 07:34 (148848)

Yes that joke gave me a good laugh too, Bob!

Like Necee, I've been working on my taxes for quite some time (and doing my share of procrastinating as well). However, I finally got them in the mail on Monday. Rather silly of me, since I expect a refund.

I plan to use my refund on things that I want - - probably some new clothes and maybe a new computer by the end of summer (if mine keeps acting up).

It will be fun to have some money for that sort of thing. I've been putting every spare cent into paying off the principal on my house, since I'd like to have it completely paid off by retirement. I'm making good progress on that, but enough is enough! :)

Carole C

Re: Tax time

Kathy G on 4/14/04 at 08:46 (148851)

Good one, Bob! We got our refund already and have already put the majority of it toward our car insurance. Taxes are something I never complain about. I figure that you can't tomplain if you're in a tax bracket that requires you pay taxes. Not that we're wealthy but at least we're not hurting.

Good for you, Carole. It's so nice to have some disposable income to dispose of in any way you see fit! My daughter has just purchased a Dell computer. She should be getting it in a few days. I'll let you know how she likes it. Up until now, we've always bought HP's. This is her first computer, all her others have been our castoffs and she's really excited.

Re: Tax time

Kathy G on 4/14/04 at 08:47 (148852)

If you read the above, you'll know that I mean complain. Maybe it's just that I had the t in taxes on the brain. Or maybe I have no brain!:-/

Re: Tax time

Lari S on 4/14/04 at 11:02 (148865)

Thanks for the laugh! So true. We got penalized 10% for an early withdrawl from the retirement fund even though we had no choice in the matter and actually lost over $350,000 due to the United Airlines bankruptcy by an IRS/bankruptcy court ruling. To make matters worse, we can't even claim the loss due to the same ruling. I must be with Carole, I finally got ours done, signed and sent in yesterday and we are actually getting a refund this year. Every little bit helps, though I prefer to pay them with money that's been eearning interest rather than have the IRS have our money interest free. It took a while to figure everything out due to having to do a lot of research on the bankruptcy rulings. We are also in the race to pay off the mortgage before my husband retires in Dec. 2006 even though we refinanced in August. We have it planned out to have no payment on anything by Nov 2006. Only time will tell...

Lari

Re: Tax time

Carole C in NOLA on 4/14/04 at 23:44 (148932)

I have a Dell at work, and I love it. I have been 'drooling over' the Dell website and even figured out exactly what I want when/if my present computer finally quits on me. I will even have half my refund left over. I guess I should wait until I GET my refund before it is spent (in my mind). It is so much fun to daydream, though! :)

Carole C

Re: Tax time

Carole C in NOLA on 4/14/04 at 23:45 (148933)

I just read it as 'complain' the first time. Guess my eyes skipped right over it!

Carole C

Re: Tax time

Carole C in NOLA on 4/14/04 at 23:51 (148935)

That sounds great! Can you imagine not having a house payment or rent? Sounds wonderful, to me. It will probably be a few years longer than that before I can retire, but by the time I get there I plan to have the house completely paid off also. Then, I will work a little while longer to build my nest egg with all that extra money that I'll have.

Carole C

Re: House Payments

Necee on 4/15/04 at 01:07 (148937)

All this talk about house payments, etc....brings to mind my situation. We have our home paid for, our farm in the country is all paid for, improvments like the barn, cabin etc. But....we are soon going to begin construction on our 'dream home' there, and with that comes a hefty mortgage, something I'm really dreading! My husband can retire in 2 yrs, and just the thought of getting into long term house payments when we are wanting to retire just doesn't set too well with me. We are anxious to start construction while the interest rates are still low, but even at that it's a huge step for us.

Necee

Re: House Payments

Carole C in NOLA on 4/15/04 at 07:31 (148942)

Necee, that would not set too well with me, either! But apparently your husband has it all figured out. Maybe he has a plan to use that low interest money to fund some higher interest investments.

I am not that sophisticated when it comes to personal finance. For me, having the mortgage paid off is sort of like having another pension equal to the monthly payments.

Good thing that I've been saving for the down payment and then saving to apply money to the principal, and building my 401K, ever since my divorce. I've become used to living on about half my salary. Otherwise I might not ever be able to retire! It will still be at least a few years before I can retire. It's a nice daydream, though. :)

Carole C

Re: Tax time

john h on 4/15/04 at 11:26 (148962)

Carole you need to get it together and buy a Mac. Mac owners are like a Special Forces Unit. Elite! An Army of One! Only the Best! Do not be like Gateway and go belly up with another PC.

Re: Tax time

john h on 4/15/04 at 11:28 (148963)

I use Turbotax and finished my taxes the day I got my last income form and paid up.

Re: Tax time

Mark L on 4/15/04 at 17:35 (148979)

Why worry about retirement- spend it all rather than leave it to the kids( they will only fight over the money) and then if you live long enough to go broke become a burden on them. They lived off me for enough years now it's their turn if I need it. If they don't want to take care of me I'll sit naked on their lawn with a big sign and embarrass the heck out of them. The idea is not to get to your last day in perfect condition with lots of money but to crash into your grave- beat to heck- broke as a hobo and yelling' What a ride I had'.

Re: House Payments

Dorothy on 4/15/04 at 18:53 (148986)

I just read this aloud to my husband and we both laughed heartily!

Re: Tax time

Carole C in NOLA on 4/15/04 at 23:17 (148995)

LOL! But John, I have not used a Mac since 1996, and all my software is for PC's... :)

I know you love that Mac, though!

Carole C

Re: Tax time

Carole C in NOLA on 4/15/04 at 23:21 (148998)

Ah, but there's something to be said for the ritual of filling out one's forms by hand, writing each number ever so carefully and clearly, folding the form precisely, and mailing it off... You get the whole, true taxpaying experience that way. I can truly say that I know what it is to pay taxes (and they are much too high!)

Carole C

Re: Tax time

Carole C in NOLA on 4/15/04 at 23:26 (148999)

What if (heaven forbid) your kids die first? I'm not going to sleep under a bridge and beg for food when I'm 80. I have my retirement planned out.

But then they say, that men want independence, and women want security. It's one of those Mars/Venus things, I guess.

Carole C

Re: House Payments~~~Mark, you are a genius!!!!! (NM)

Necee on 4/15/04 at 23:37 (149001)

Necee

Re: Tax time

john h on 4/16/04 at 09:51 (149004)

Carole you make filling out the tax forms sound like some sort of sexual ritual.

Re: Tax time

Carole C in NOLA on 4/16/04 at 11:16 (149008)

tee-hee! :)

Carole

Re: House Payments

Bob G on 4/20/04 at 06:25 (149199)

Don't forget, you can convert your house payments into a reverse mortgage and enjoy your children's inheritance. After all, you earned it, they didn't.