Can I just vent to someone who understands?Posted by Lisa V. on 5/13/04 at 16:04 (150522)
I am so tired of hurting all of the time. Taping, cortisone, orthotics. All of these each worked for a short period of time. The pain has now moved up to my ankle and it feels constantly like a mild sprain. I cannot even kick the soccer ball back and forth with my son. :-( I can't even really pin-point where my foot hurts the most. It is just an all over ache and sometimes a sharp pain that travels all the way through.
Now I have an appointment tomorrow for some sort of circulation testing.
I just want it to go away. I came home late last night and sat down to check my e-mail. Then I just sat there and bawled because I knew how bad it was going to hurt to stand up and walk to bed.
It must just be a mom thing, but I feel so guilty thinking about myself. It has always been about everyone else.
I don't like constantly thinking of my foot, worrying about if someone is going to accidentally bump into me or step on me or something. It is all I think about. I think I am going to go crazy.
Re: Can I just vent to someone who understands?marie on 5/13/04 at 17:58 (150528)
We've all been there. I feel it's especially difficult for moms to deal with this kind of pain. We are use to making sacrafices for our kids and feel like we're failing in our duties. Your kids will survive this time. Believe me kids are so much more giving then what we think. Explain to your son that you have been diagonosed with a serious disability. Help him to understand that it may take a long, long time for you to get well. Explain it in terms of holidays if he's young. Help him to understand it may be two Christmases before you are well. Try to find some new things that aren't physical.....like putting together a puzzel, that you and your son can do together. Sometimes pain fogs our minds so much that it's all we can think about.
My brother suggested I find new hobbies that I can do as a diversion from focusing on my dumb feet. He has MS and has been doing this for alot longer than any of us. I took his advice and it reeeeeely helped.
You'll find the folks here will understand and offer support. They're good people.
best wishes marie
Re: Can I just vent to someone who understands?Carlos N. on 5/13/04 at 17:59 (150529)
I am so sorry to hear about your pain. About six months ago I was going through a lot of pain, too. I would wince at the thought of getting out of bed and going to work. I was always in pain and I hated my life. So I know what your going through. Fortunately I have been able to get through it and I am feeling much better.
Please don't give up! Please read and re-read the heel pain book on this site. Get lot's of rest, ice your feet, stretch out your calf muscles and achilles tendon, and see a good podiatrist with experience in PF. Sometimes you have to see several doctors before you find the right one. Evaluate the shoes you wear and make drastic changes in your lifestyle to accomodate your feet. I know it sounds tough but most folks who post to this board know how important this can be.
Listen, if I got through this pain and am now making a recovery, so can you. I've had PF for over ten years now. Keep trying for I know there is a cure for everyone. Lastly, try developing faith (religion)and you will gain enormous strength and courage from this.
Hang in there,
Re: Can I just vent to someone who understands?Suzanne D. on 5/13/04 at 18:28 (150535)
Yes, we understand, Lisa! I'm glad you posted and hope that we can somehow help keep you from feeling so hopeless!
When you wrote, 'I don't like constantly thinking of my foot', I certainly could relate. I have often thought that it was the unrelenting pain, the fact that it was always on my mind, that was the most frustrating. I distinctly remember one day in October, 2001, 5 months after my PF began, when I was sitting in a school meeting and realized that I had been able to get my feet off my mind for a few minutes. It was the greatest feeling!
And one day you will have that happen, too, Lisa. Please don't give up. My feet are so much better. I still have to be very, very careful. And they still hurt sometimes. But I don't wake up from the pain, I can drive with no pain, I can go for longer periods of time without thinking about my feet, and I have begun to walk for fun/exercise again. I think I overdid it last week, and I have decided I can't do that every day yet, and I can't walk so briskly right now, but at least I'm walking!
Hang in there. Read the Heel Pain Book, post and ask questions, try new things. I wish for you healing and relief.
Re: Can I just vent to someone who understands?Shell D. on 5/13/04 at 19:20 (150539)
I feel your pain. I too have dealt with PF for 5 years now and I'm no further along than I was in the beginning. Surgeries, ESWT, cortisone shots, several expensive pair of orthotics, etc, etc, etc. When our feel hurt, EVERYTHING HURTS!!! I know the MOMMY guilt you're feeling too. I just keep saying, 'If I could just go for a walk, I'd be happy.' I haven't been able to do that for years. The simple things in life would make me happy, like WALKING!!!!! I guess all I can say is 'HANG IN THERE.' I try to tell myself that there are many, many people out there that are WAY worse off than I am and to be thankful that it's ONLY PF.
Re: Can I just vent to someone who understands?Kathy G on 5/14/04 at 08:25 (150564)
It's hard for you to grasp right now but you will get through this and your pain will lessen. It sounds as though your doctor is leaving no stone unturned and that is good. The guilt part is tough; you just have to remember that children have a great capacity for compassion and if you explain to your son your difficulty, he'll understand.
Have you spoken with your doctor about pain management? There may be something he can prescribe that would at least take the edge off the pain for you. Some people have found Ultram (Tramadol is the generic name for it) to be of help. Others find Fiorinal, Darvocet or some of the other non-opiate drugs to help. I don't think any of us have found anything that makes the pain go away, but just to lessen it a little, even if it's only at the end of the day, can make it easier to cope.
Hang in there. You'll find the right combination of treatments that work for you. In the meantime, try to rest as much as possible. Remember to make things as easy for yourself as possible. No elaborate meals for a while; help with the washes, if available, and do as little housecleaning as possible. Most of us have found rest to be the key element that helped us when our PF was in a massive flareup as yours appears to be. Easier said than done, I know.
Keep us all posted!
Re: Can I just vent to someone who understands?Lari S on 5/15/04 at 10:52 (150638)
Everyone here can relate to your frustration and pain. It sometimes feels like a long and lonely road, but at least here there are people who understand what you are going through. I tried for years to just block out as much pain as possible and try to 'do it all' so everyone else could be happy, and not complain about how much I hurt. I got tired of hearing 'What's wrong now?' from my husband, so I just pushed through the pain. That did more harm than good. Even when I tried to explain what I was going through and how much it hurt, he couldn't relate. I was finally DX'd with TTS and PF. I had tarsal tunnel surgery done in Oct '03, and am still dealing with PF. I have had to learn to put myself first and say when enough is enough. If things don't get done, they don't get done. I've gone from a very active lifestyle to one that is dictated by how my feet feel. That's just the way it has to be. I'm sure your son will understand that there are some things you won't be able to do for a while. Let him know that it take a long time to get better, but there are ways he can help in your recovery and that you are working to 'get back on your feet' so you can enjoy kicking soccer balls with him. Kids are much more adaptable and willing to help than we give them credit for. There are lots of things you can do together that don't require you to punish your feet.
Hang in there, and let us know how your tests went.
Re: Can I just vent to someone who understands?Kristie on 5/18/04 at 17:42 (150773)
I'm so sorry to read about your pain.I think most people who have found this web sight is because they are or were just like you. Feeling terrible and want the pain to go away. I can remember many night comming home form work and crying to my husband that 'everything hurts'. My feet my ankle my back. ( You also may have tendoistis of the ankle---I found I also had that with PF).
PF is a terrible debilitating pain. And it seems the only people that truely understand it are people who have had it.
I have tried everything it has seems also, PT, orthics, ESWT and last week I had surgery. Hopefully, it will work. I'm very hopeful. Things that have made me more comfortable was the pain pill Naperson and taking Yoga classes. Yoga is helpful in doing all those streching excerises. Also working out was time for myself and the release of the endorphines helped me out mentally. I have also seen a theraphistis to work out some of the issue of PF: limited moblity, asking for help, not working ect.
Kathy is completly right. Don't be a supper house keeper right now. PF has taught me that a clean house is not what is important in life...you are.
Please hang in. It will get better
Re: Can I just vent to someone who understands?Kristie on 5/18/04 at 17:46 (150775)
Larri's right. Kids just want to spend time with their parents. There are many things you can do with you son that doesn't envole sports or walking around: read to him, arts and crafts, puzzles, computer games ect.