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Just need to get this out...

Posted by Suzanne D. on 5/18/04 at 15:21 (150762)

Hello, Friends. Yesterday my high school senior daughter was in a wreck after school. She had driven out of the school's upper parking lot and was on the highway headed home. A younger girl zipped out of a parking lot farther down the road right into her path. She admitted later she didn't look. My daughter's car careened across 4 lanes (thankfully a light down the road was red, so no one was coming the other way) and ended up in a man's yard. He was on the porch and told the police he saw the whole thing and that my daughter was not at fault.

She got out of her car to use her cell phone and call us. The air bag had hit the horn, and it made so much noise she couldn't hear. After making the call, she realized how badly her left foot hurt. After x-rays at the hospital, we learned she has three broken toes. Of course, we are extremely thankful it is this minor and that the other girl is fine, BUT my daughter was to dance in her last ballet recital next weekend, dance the last time with her show choir this Thursday night, and go to King's Island on a senior trip with her class tomorrow. Honors Night is tonight, graduation next week, etc.

It has really upset me, and I usually keep things inside, don't cry, try to keep going for everyone else. But today I have felt really out of sorts and nervous. I worry about her driving again even though I know she is a careful, although inexperienced, driver. However, if she doesn't drive, she won't get experience. She is also scared to drive now, and we had to overcome a lot for her to get her license. Right after she got her permit, a friend was killed, another boy was in rehab from a second wreck, and my son-in-law's brother had a terrible wreck in which his two best friends were killed. She was so scared to drive that we waited for several months to push the issue. She has had driver's training which we paid for (don't have it in school now), and she had a reliable, mid-sized car. I know I can't make her more nervous, but I am feeling scared and protective.

Well, thanks for listening. Last night she was prescribed Vicodin to use for pain only at night. I told her, 'Oh, I've read about that on my foot site!'

She said, 'Oh, now I guess I can get on the computer and write to all Mama's friends!'

At least we smiled about that.

Suzanne :)

Re: Just need to get this out...

Julie on 5/18/04 at 16:25 (150768)

Suzanne, how awful. I'm so sorry! I remember you telling us that your daughter was diffident about driving, and that you've encouraged her to get experience. This is a real blow for both of you, and I expect it will be hard for her to 'get back on the horse' when her toes have healed - and for you to encourage her. But as you say, if she doesn't drive she won't get the experience she needs, so that will have to be faced. I'm sure you will both face it courageously.

Take care!

Love,

Julie

Re: Just need to get this out...

Kristie on 5/18/04 at 17:23 (150772)

I'm so sorry to read about your daughter's accident. I realize that it was a bad accident and it had hindered a lot of her plans right now but she a very lucky lady. The accident could have been a lot worse. It sounds like her gudian angle, maybe her firend that past way, was watching over her and kept that light red in the other dierection.

Best of luck to you, your family and your daughter. Your in my thought and prays.

Re: Just need to get this out...

Dorothy on 5/18/04 at 17:59 (150778)

Suzanne - I am so very sorry to hear about this awful accident and what you are all going through in the aftermath - but at the same time so glad that it wasn't even worse than it was. Toes will heal and fear will be overcome - and it just might make her an even better (more careful, vigilant) driver because she knows now the reality of some of the possibilities. I am sure you don't want to hear this now (or maybe ever) but I was in a very bad accident some years ago when a speeding driver ran a stop and plowed into my car. I was driving and my adolescent daughter was in the passenger seat. We rolled over many times ending up upside down with fuel running everywhere, me trapped until the jaws of life could free me and my daughter hanging very precariously over me just by her seatbelt. She kept saying 'I love you, Mom. Please don't die.' We recovered from injuries, car was totaled, of course, and we picked glass out of scalps for a couple of months - but...we lived to tell the tale!
In later years, when she was a little older and sometimes less 'sweet', I would remind her of those words! :-) Anyway, I was a changed-forever driver but not a terrified one - and my daughter became a very confident and 'gutsy' driver not too long after that. Time and fading memories heal a lot. What is true now is that I never trust the other drivers at a stop or an intersection or most any other time, for that matter...
I am really sorry about the ballet and other missed experiences. What a terrible thing to happen at all and at this time - but again, saying what you already know: so very fortunate. Give her (and have her give you) big hugs from your foot people friends. (and I've also broken two toes - and they hurt like the dickens for a while but actually seem to heal pretty quickly.) Best wishes to you all ~
Thinking about you and your daughter -

Re: Just need to get this out...

Ed Davis, DPM on 5/18/04 at 18:45 (150789)

Suzanne:

I remember my accident about 10 years ago -- having white knuckles every time I got on the road for quite a few months. It takes time to get over the trauma of the accident.

Please make sure she is checked out well from 'head to toe' as seemingly minor injuries can go unnoticed. Hopefully the broken toes are straight and set to heal well. Best wishes.
Ed

Re: Just need to get this out...

Anthony P on 5/18/04 at 19:37 (150792)

Suzanne, Sorry to read about the bad news about your daugther
I wish her a speedy recovery. Good luck to you both
To a safe driving future . Best wishes Anthony P :)

Re: Just need to get this out...

Lari S on 5/18/04 at 19:39 (150793)

Dear Suzanne,
Your daughter is truly blessed to have escaped with limited injuries, as is the other girl involved. I know that having to miss performing is a big blow, but she can still attend and share in the experience. Give her, and yourself, time to come to grips with the accident. Then you'll just have to let her go at her own pace. Start gradually, and let her build her confidence up. Maybe she could drive you on a shared trip for just the 2 of you for a spa day, or something else you would enjoy doing together. It's hard for experienced drivers to get back behind the wheel after an accident, but I think you really become a more proactive and diligent driver, always expecting the unexpected and scanning for 'ways out'.

Best of luck to you, your daughter, and the rest of your family. Also, congratulations to your daughter on her graduation.
Lari

Re: Just need to get this out...

Carole C in NOLA on 5/18/04 at 20:39 (150795)

How frightening! I'm glad your daughter was not hurt worse, but I know you must feel pretty shaken up about it (and any mother would!).

Right now, you and your daughter are probably both a little scared, still. Some day your daughter will be able to drive again, and you will be able to watch her drive off without feeling upset. It just takes time.

Did she get crutches? Maybe she would like a big, colorful sock to cover the bandages. That could be 'cool' looking. :)

Carole C

Re: Just need to get this out...

marie on 5/18/04 at 21:06 (150796)

Oh Suzanne what a frightful day for your daughter and family. It happens so quickly. So, so sorry to here about your daughters toes. Don't feel embaressed for your tears for missing out on her last performances. You're a MOM :). We get emotional their senior year in high school. It's a wonderful time to celebrate but also a bittersweet one because it means it will all be different from here on out. Go with your daughter to the events and share watching them with her! I'm sure she'll want to cheer on her friends as well. Make it a special time because your together. I'm so glad no one was seriously injured.

My youngest may have to get his jaw broken and reset this summer. That will put him on the sidelines for marching band his senior year. So I understand.

best wishes marie

Re: Suzanne

wendyn on 5/18/04 at 21:26 (150800)

Suzanne, I was sorry to hear about your daughter's experience - it must have been really frightening for all of you!!!

I try not to notice when my 18 year old heads out in his car; the whole thing is too scary for me to dwell on for very long.

If she really has trouble overcoming her fear of driving, please make sure you get her some help to get through it. My aunt did not drive for 15 years after an accident she had as a new driver at 16.

I spent 6 years refusing to get on a plane after one bad experience, and it's only after working for months with a psychologist that I've actually been able to fly like a regular person. I wish that I would have gotten the help to deal with it a long time ago.

Re: Thank you all so much!

Suzanne D. on 5/18/04 at 22:05 (150803)

I so much appreciate what all of you wrote in response to my post. It really touched my heart, and I appreciate every word!

You're a great group, and I'm so thankful I found you!
Suzanne :)

Re: Just need to get this out...

Pauline on 5/18/04 at 23:08 (150808)

Suzanne,
Just a note to tell you how sorry I was to read the news about your daughters accident. I can only imagine your heart stopping when you heard the new until you were able to learn that she was ok.

Luckily God was with her at that time. My prayers go out to your family for her to have a full and speedy recovery and that all of you continue to be surrounded by his care.

Re: Just need to get this out...

Kathy G on 5/19/04 at 09:22 (150826)

Suzanne,

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's accident! Thank goodness all she got was three broken toes but what lousy timing. I know how important everything is at the end of the school year.

We're all thinking of you and she as you both heal from this. Yes, you, the mother who wasn't in the accident, will need time to heal as well, but in time, you'll both feel better.

Re: Just need to get this out...

john h on 5/19/04 at 09:50 (150830)

As I recently broke one toe I can tell you it hurts for some time. Actually made me forget PF it hurt so much.

Re: Just need to get this out...

Dorothy on 5/19/04 at 11:46 (150841)

John ~ I didn't mean to minimize the pain of broken toes, just the fact that they do eventually heal to the point that one day you realize they don't hurt anymore. But until that day, they hurt A LOT!!; you are so right. While they are hurting/healing, it feels like forever.
Sorry to hear that you broke a toe recently; I don't recall your mentioning it here. I hope you are fine now. I broke one on one foot one year and one on the other foot another year. Good thing I only have two feet or this could go on...

The snake story was an intriguing one - but you are right about the good fortune of no children finding that box. The CBC interview said that people from a nearby business had noticed that the box had been there for a day or so! Pretty amazing story.

Re: Just need to get this out...

john h on 5/20/04 at 09:05 (150899)

Dorothy: I tripped over my cat on the deck and broke the toe. Not much you can do for broken toes except wear a stiff shoe and let time do its thing.

Re: Just need to get this out...

Carole C in NOLA on 5/20/04 at 23:26 (150940)

You are right that often there isn't much one can do for a broken toe. Sometimes there is, such as when they are bent further than 90 degrees sideways, in which case the E.R. physician has to pull on them until they are back in place. (Been There, Done That).

Oddly, I broke my toes a half dozen or more times when I was in my 20's and 30's, but now that I'm older I don't break them. I have no idea why.

Hope your toe heals quickly! Broken toes can be so annoying. They don't fit into a closed top shoe, but they need protection. And, they hurt.

Maybe you and that cat need to have a little talk. :)

Carole C

Re: Just need to get this out...

Pam S. on 5/21/04 at 14:04 (150967)

Dear Suzanne:
Your post really affects me. It is so difficult to deal with our child's disappointments, illnesses, accidents. We feel it more than they do I know. I am SOOOOO happy she was not injured more seriously. That is just such a blessing. I can imagine how upset she is about her recital. I hope she will be able to be in the graduation ceremony.

I have not been posting much. My soph. in hs daughter has been very ill with mono. She had alot of complications and is on her third week of missing school. It is like an infirmary in my house.

Just want you to know I am thinking of you and the rest of the nice people on HS. Keep us informed on how she is progressing. Warmly, pam

Re: Thank you all again...

Suzanne D. on 5/21/04 at 21:24 (151003)

Thanks to the others of you who have responded!

My daughter sat in a chair last night at her end-of-the-year choir gala and sang with the chamber and show choirs. The chamber choir stands on risers, but of course the show choir has choreographed numbers. She held her head high and sang and kept a beautiful smile on her face even though I know she was aching inside (not to mention in her toes).

A touching moment for me was when one of the boys in the group walked over to her as they were getting in their positions to preform and patted her on the back. I appreciated that.

At the end of the performances, awards for the year were given which were voted on by the students. There were outstanding choir members named for freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors, and an outstanding show choir member. My daughter received the outstanding show choir trophy, and that meant a great deal to her.

I asked her on the way home if she enjoyed the night more than she thought she would under the conditions, and she said she did. I was glad about that. She told me earlier that she had at first been 'shaken up' and scared, then depressed, and yesterday she was mad. I told her those were normal reactions and that I was glad she was expressing them. I said that after awhile, how she chose to deal with those feelings would make the difference in how she handled things. I hope that was sound advice. Somehow I know she has to deal with the hurt and disappointment without being pulled under by it.

Thanks for all your messages of encouragement!
Suzanne :)

Re: Pam...

Suzanne D. on 5/21/04 at 21:34 (151005)

Please give your daughter my best wishes for recovery. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry she is so sick. Didn't your college-age daughter have mono a few months ago, or am I mixing that up? I'm sorry if I am. I'll blame the end-of-school stresses for my poor memory!

Yes, you are right, Pam. We feel our children's hurt and disappointment so much. I would rather it had happened to me than to my daughter. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Suzanne :)

Re: Pam...

Kathy G on 5/22/04 at 08:54 (151022)

Pam,

Sorry to hear about your daughter. It's such a hard disease because it affects people in different ways. The one good thing about it is that most teachers are understanding and the student usually doesn't have to worry about school. As you know, the fatigue from it can last for some time. Or you can be strange, like my son, and not be tired from it at all!

Hope she's on the road to recovery soon!

Re: Pam...

Pam S. on 5/22/04 at 11:07 (151029)

Hi Again:
Thanks for your nice messages. She really is better but has not tried a full day of school yet. She has so much work to make up it is overwhelming. Some teachers are more understanding than others. This high school feels like a small college to me.....although college was VERY understanding about mono. These kids are just under too much stress I think. It is crazy.

Anyway, you all are so kind. Spring it here (sort of) and on to better days. Gosh, I am so sympathetic to people who have to deal with serious illnesses with their children. Take care, Pam

Re: Thank you all for your support.

kconnell on 7/23/06 at 21:40 (205183)

To all my web friends. I am so glad to have the support of all of you. Sometimes you are the only people that I can get the support I need from people that truely understand. kconnell